Author Topic: Spinsters' Club Support Thread  (Read 92672 times)

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Stormtreader

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #810 on: November 18, 2013, 05:59:24 AM »
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

Me as well - Ive never really been a kids person but I do wish I had that security of someone being around for me when I get old and doddery. My family has never been close at all, so im pretty much looking at doing it alone. Although I have thought that really my ideal scenario for kicking the bucket is the rest of the WoW raid saying "you know, shes been AFK for quite a long time now...." :p

Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #811 on: November 18, 2013, 06:37:52 AM »
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

TurtleDove

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #812 on: November 18, 2013, 07:59:55 AM »
I like Venus's approach. If you can be interested in other people and interesting to them as well, you might not find a romantic partner but you will not be alone.

Twik

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #813 on: November 18, 2013, 08:24:47 AM »
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

guihong

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #814 on: November 18, 2013, 08:39:50 AM »
I admit I have kids, but the "Who will take care of you when you're old?" argument was trotted out as early as high school, when I doubted I ever would!  I don't think having kids is a guarantee that they will take care of us later.  I'm handling that myself (moving myself into a senior's home before I'm forced to, like my dad).



Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #815 on: November 18, 2013, 09:35:01 AM »
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #816 on: November 18, 2013, 10:51:46 AM »
The solution to this is to not only take care of your health, but to have younger friends.  My 94-year-old paternal aunt never had children of her own and her stepsons live in another state, but she is still active in her church and she has younger friends.  She is predicting that I will be just like her.

That's not so easy for introverts.

And "taking care of your health" at most only postpones the problem.

Yeah, being an introvert and not belonging to a faith community makes it pretty hard to build a circle of friends. When I lived in a college town I was active in the community theater and made a lot of friends that way, but in a bigger city it's harder to find a community. Not impossible, of course, but harder.

Thankfully I do have that going for me. I have a good group of friends, and some single cousins, close to my age, and we constantly joke about hanging out on the porch, in our rocking chairs. Except the one I couldnít live with, and the feeling is mutual!

But I think Iíll be ok.  Unlike a former neighbor. Sheís about 20 years older than I am, so in her late 60ís, with multiple health problems, very limited income, and the best way I can describe her, is very unworldly. She has never lived more than 5 miles from where she does now, has been her same apt for 40+ years, and my former landlord, who is still hers, is contemplating selling. I have another friend who still lives there as well. The problem is, Sue, as Iíll call her, seems to think that when/if the house is sold, the new owner will continue to keep it as a rental property. The problem with that is a. the house is old b. Iím not entirely sure all 4 apts in that house are legal, and c. very little maintenance has been done. Its basically only good for a teardown.

She has some family, but not close, and very few friends. Her world is very small. My friend who still lives there told her about the possible sale, and suggested she might want to apply for low-income senior housing, for which she would qualify, but there is also a waiting list. she has chosen to bury her head in the sand thinking that he wonít sell, and that the new owner will keep things as they are, which really is the most unlikely scenario. Its kind of sad really, but you canít force someone to do anything.


Outdoor Girl

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #817 on: November 18, 2013, 11:31:06 AM »
My family is small but I do have one brother that I (mostly  ;)) get along with.  He has two sons.  The boys are my heirs.  I've let them know not to bump me off because I'm not worth all that much yet.   ;D

I will make all my own plans and move into an arrangement that will suit before I need to.  But my nephews are aware that they'll be helping make decisions, same as they'll have to do for their father.

I'm lucky because we have a good relationship and I'm sure they'll help me out a little as I need it.  But I intend to hire people to do the things I can no longer do easily - I've been planning for my retirement and I'm sure I'll be able to afford it, unless something unforseen happens.  I'm as healthy as I can be with some chronic issues and do my best to eat well and get some exercise.

And I still play the lottery in hopes of supplementing my retirement plan!    :D
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Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #818 on: November 18, 2013, 12:38:02 PM »
I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #819 on: November 18, 2013, 12:49:06 PM »
I still buy lottery tickets, too.  Never needing a job again would be wonderful.

I also highly recommend Meetup.com.  It leads to groups of people who are interested in things you are interested in and the vast majority are not age-based.  People of all ages are interested in making jewelry, cooking gourmet foods, dining out, attending live performances, going to movies, reading, pets, and almost anything else you can think of.

For example, I am probably the oldest person in my horror group and nobody cares.  The organizer is young enough to be my son but he appreciates my knowledge of classic horror movies and my ability to write the copy for event notices.  I am therefore an assistant organizer.

My mom, who is almost 79, and a widow, joined several "singles" groups, some wiht folks her age, and one through her church. where she is by far, the oldest in the group. Which is mostly ladies, and none or very few men. But she did it for the company, and to get out, not to "meet" someone new. And they all love her.

Venus193

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #820 on: November 18, 2013, 01:12:51 PM »
It's proof positive that age doesn't have to define you.  Neither does marital status or any other individual thing.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #821 on: November 18, 2013, 01:17:18 PM »
I play ball on a couple of teams where almost everyone is younger than me by 10 to 15 years.  A few are even 20 to 25 years younger.  I've told both teams that I'll play as long as I'm able and they still want me to play.  I'm not a good player but I show up for every game and don't bail last minute with or without a phone call to the captain the way some people do.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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LadyJaneinMD

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #822 on: November 19, 2013, 01:02:39 PM »
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

The loneliest time of my life was when I was technically 'with' someone.  We were living together!

Petticoats

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #823 on: November 20, 2013, 02:46:08 PM »
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

The loneliest time of my life was when I was technically 'with' someone.  We were living together!

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that coupled people can't experience loneliness too, and I think that must be an exquisite torture. The end of my one and only relationship was rather like that. I was the only one still in the relationship by the end.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Spinsters' Club Support Thread
« Reply #824 on: November 27, 2013, 10:28:55 AM »
And that's one of the cruddy things about being lonely or sad to be alone, because you constantly get the message that you have to not feel that way to find someone.

I have no siblings, no kids. I look at my parents helping each other out with doctors' appointments, health issues, all of that, and I am increasingly unnerved at the thought of what old age will be like for me.

The loneliest time of my life was when I was technically 'with' someone.  We were living together!


Sounds like my marriage.  :-\