BG: Dark Dad died 2008, his birthday was Nov 26th; Dark Mom's birthday is Nov 16th. Frankly, I doubt the month of November is a very happy month for Dark Mom. I have a feeling that all may be driving part of this; the other part is driven because Dark Mom needs to be in control. Furthermore, Dark Sister takes after Dark Mom. They are both extremely stubborn, need to be in control type of people. Dark Sister, however, is a lot more rational than Dark Mom and can relinquish control if need be. Dark Sister has also been trying to get out from Dark Mom's thumb because, frankly, Dark Mom can be rather manipulative (as you will soon see); if she doesn't get what she wants, she sometimes acts like an insolent child.*
*Please do not take any of this to mean that Dark Mom does this all of the time. This is a lifetime of instances that have taught Dark Sister and me just how our mom is. She is also a wonderful, loving mother; she does THAT a lot of the time.
MORE BG: Dark Sister (26) has been on and off vegetarian. It was off for medical reasons. Recently, she has become vegetarian again; her boyfriend has, too. She is a vegetarian for environmental reasons, not because she believes it is cruel to animals (this is important).
Dark Mom is hosting Thanksgiving for Dark Sister and her boyfriend. However, Dark Mom just told Dark Sister that unless they (DS and BF) eat the turkey, they are not welcome. DM argued that there were some traditions you just don't break and that she wasn't going to cook a turkey for just one person. DS argued that she was not going to change her beliefs for even one occasion, that unless DM found a free range, organic, and local (within 100 miles) turkey, DS and BF would not be eating the turkey. More recently, DM told DS that only DS has to eat the turkey because DS is DM's kid, that DM can't make BF do it because he isn't her kid.
DS is freaking out because she doesn't know what to do. On one hand, she wants to stand up for what she believes is right and does not want to be manipulated by DM...if she doesn't stop it now, when will it ever stop? On the other hand, DS and DM have recently begun to reconcile their differences. They love each other, but because they are the exact same people, they have trouble getting along for extended periods when in proximity. DS believes, and I mostly agree with her, that if she refuses to eat the turkey, DM will hold this over her head for years. The next time DS does something that upsets DM, it will be, "You ruined my Thanksgiving because you wouldn't come eat my turkey! You're selfish!" Well, DM, actually, you're being selfish...
That's just it with DM: she is never wrong. It doesn't matter if it is a difference of opinions, she is right and you are wrong. Example: DS was driving, dogs were getting in the way, she told the dogs to stop console surfing and to stay in the back. DM said they were fine. DS said, no, I can't see, they need to get in the back now! When DS tried to tell DM later that it was not okay, that when the driver says the dogs are not fine it means the dogs are not fine, DM just said, No, they were fine.
Where I have a way of talking to DM and have a really laid back personality, DS does not. This is part of the reason DS has no idea what to do about Thanksgiving. Frankly, I would be arguing with DM that she is being ridiculous, but that's because I can do it in a detached, logical way. I would probably also just not go if DM continued to insist that I do something I do not want to do. DS, however, does not want to strain a mending relationship by not going; she also does not want to eat turkey.
So, E-Hell, any suggestions? I know a lot of people sarcastically say, "But they're faaaaaaaaamily!", and while I usually agree, sometimes family really does trump everything else in my world. This is our mother, the woman that sacrificed so much for us and gave us everything we could have ever wanted. She just has some control issues, whether they stem from a difficult month making her feel like she's losing control so she overcompensates or whether they just stem from an inherent personality trait.
Is there anything I can do to reconcile this argument? What should DS do? (She actually requested I post this "on that etiquette site hell thingy".)