Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,34]

[ShadesOfGrey]

Can I ask something - how did you "announce" the relationship? What was involved - was it an email, a get together to reveal it, did you just start making out in front of people telling people as they asked? I've never actually encountered an announcement of beginning a relationship and I'm wondering what's involved.

 

[Cz. Burrito]

Okay, I'm actually going to post the photo we used. 

A bit of a back story: I have a history of venting to these people about my young nieces posting photos of theirselves with their One True Love(s) all doctored up with movie quotes and hearts and such.  The very day that we "announced" ourselves, I had been talking about my niece posting one such photo with a Renee Zellweger movie quote (from Jerry Maguire).  My boyfriend did some research and found a quote that we found quite amusing.

More backstory: We're both recently divorced and somewhat bittered-up about it.  (This whole "wanting to be in a relationship again" thing took us both by surprise.)

Even more backstory: The idea of us getting together is hilarious in and of itself.  We have a history of being really, really polar opposites. 

We're a group of bloggers, so we thought, what better way to announce ourselves than by posting this...



And we did clarify with text a few hours later that it was not a joke and gave a little more detail about how it happened.   178 comments of people finding it very, very amusing.  And then this guy.  In addition to not liking that we didn't announce it right away, he also took umbrage with the way that we announced it.

[rashea]

I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

[artk2002]

You did nothing wrong.  There's no reason why you need to check your relationship status with anyone other than your partner.  It does sound like your friend is jealous and/or has designs on your BF or you.  This is his issue, not yours.

Congratulations, by the way!  You both look cute and very happy in the picture.

[Cz. Burrito]

I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

Me too.  Me too.   

[shhh its me]

   OK your betsest best firend who you share every single minutia of your life with( you know the one you tell when you change brands of feminine hygiene products , how long the line was at the bank and if you see a cute waiter) might reasonable be hurt but it would still be , "holy over-reaction Batman" moment.

The reaction is not normal , either he loves one of you or something is seriously wrong.

[LadyClaire]

What you did sounds perfectly normal. When DH and I started dating again, we kept it quiet for a while. One reason being that a mutual friend seemed to have feelings for him (DH and I had dated for a while and it didn't work out, then got back together a year and a half later), and we were trying to figure out how to break it to her gently that we'd gotten back together. We were quietly dating for about a month before we broke the news to everyone. In the end, the mutual friend decided we'd betrayed her and dropped both of us like a rock..and like your friendship, it was nearly decade long friendship down the drain because of it.

I'm guessing he had feelings either for you or for your partner.

[LEMon]

You did nothing wrong.  Though I will add the cavat that if SO knew he would take it hard, he probably should have let him know before the picture.

At some point your SO is going to have to decide what to do about him.  Right now he is allowing FF to have his cake (ignore you) and eat it too (keep the contact with him).

[Steve]

Congratulations, you have uncovered: a secret crush!


enjoy

[Viscountess]

I think you were fine revealing your relationship at a later date.  All it matters is that you and your SO are happy and felt it was a good time to share the news.  Former Friend is really overreacting, and like other PPs have stated, he is probably more upset you interrupted his bromance ideas. 

[LifeOnPluto]

Can I ask something - how did you "announce" the relationship? What was involved - was it an email, a get together to reveal it, did you just start making out in front of people telling people as they asked? I've never actually encountered an announcement of beginning a relationship and I'm wondering what's involved.

 

Ha! That reminds me of how people would "announce" their relationships back in my university days. One you'd have two acquaintances - eg Jim and Sue - being politely distant towards each other. The next day, Jim and Sue would stroll in holding hands. They'd give each other little pecks on the lips, and gaze off into each other's eyes, and call each other pet names, etc. No verbal announcement was ever made, but for the rest of us, it was like "Oh, guess Jim and Sue are a couple now."

[something.new.every.day]

I love that pic of you two.  You make a really cute couple.

Here's how my DH "announced" our romance to some mutual friends:

Friend to DH:  What did you do this weekend?
(now) DH:  Went to the beach and stayed at 'Romantic Bed and Breakfast'.
Friend:  What?  By yourself???
DH: No, with somethingneweveryday.

This was a few weeks in, but it earned him some knowing smiles and some high fives.  No one got bent out of shape about it.  Your friend is being weird. 

 

[aiki]

Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance. 

Seriously, I think it's very considerate of Former Friend  to put himself in timeout if he can't handle the fact that two adults of his acquaintance have started a relationship without his intimate involvement.

That's a very good way of looking at it.

(Of course, it would be even nicer if he would stop courting my boyfriend.  )

I suspect that he's trying to keep up a front of "normal" in the face of bitter, bitter disappointment and not succeeding terribly well. Treat it with ignore, give him some time to get over it, and you might get your friend back when he realises he's been behaving like a donkey's rear.

You guys look cute together.   

[magician5]

So ... the private details of your personal life can reasonably be demanded from you by your acquaintances? You don't EVER have to tell anyone about anything in your life, you are entitled to whatever privacy you desire.

[Winterlight]

I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

CynicalWinter agrees.