Author Topic: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,34]  (Read 17237 times)

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bopper

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #30 on: November 17, 2011, 03:50:07 PM »
One time I got a bridal shower invitation in the mail. At first I had no idea who it was for. But looking at the hostess and some deduction led us to figure out it was fo the B2B of one of my DH's very good high school friends that he keeps in touch with...one that we had NO idea he was even seeing anyone!

MerryCat

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #31 on: November 18, 2011, 01:37:08 PM »
I find it interesting that Former Friend lays all the blame at your feet, while still courting your BF. It takes two to make a relationship, doesn't it?

I have a friend like this, "Mike". He's weirdly possessive of another one of our guys friends, "Bob",  to the point of having a man-crush on him. He's hated every girlfriend Bob's ever had, and even refused to acknowledge some of them. I'm talking about giving these girls the cut direct in social situations for no apparent reason. Then, when Bob starts pulling back from the friendship, Mike blames the girlfriends. Well, Bob's married now, and Mike has had to learn to play nice or lose his friend altogether. Unfortunately, the damage is done, and they're not as close as they used to be.

OP, I suspect it's going to be the same in your case. As your relationship progresses either Former Friend is going to have to play nice, or lose his friendship altogether. Of course, he'll probably blame you for that, but having someone to blame is poor consolation for losing a friend.

MyFamily

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #32 on: November 19, 2011, 11:32:24 PM »
First of all, OP, I just have to say that I remember when you went through all the awful stuff with your ex and I've got a big grin knowing you are dating someone now.  Very nice.

Back to the point of your post - I agree with everyone you did fine.  Announcing something like that too early is a very bad idea, especially since you needed to spend some time together to make sure there was really something to announce.

I do think your bf needs to talk to this guy, though, because it isn't okay for him to be friendly with someone who can treat you this badly.  You deserve better than that.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2011, 08:23:48 PM »
First of all, OP, I just have to say that I remember when you went through all the awful stuff with your ex and I've got a big grin knowing you are dating someone now.  Very nice.

Aw, thanks.  I was totally swearing off relationships, and then it happened just like everybody said it would..

And, yeah, at some point Former Friend is going to have to become an issue.  At this point I'm not inclined to make it one for couple of reasons-- our relationship being so new, and FF not being local to my boyfriend (they don't see each other very often and haven't seen each other since this happened).

CakeEater

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #34 on: November 20, 2011, 09:51:25 PM »
I liked your photo! :)

weeblewobble

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #35 on: November 21, 2011, 07:09:14 AM »
It's funny that some singles always seem to have that one friend that keeps them from having a successful relationship- whether it's because they fear change and don't want to make room for a partner in their relationship, they don't want to be the only single person in their group of friends, or because they want all of the single's attention focused solely on them. 

CB, I sincerely hope that this friend doesn't cause problems in your relationship.  I wouldn't weep because he "cut you off."  But I agree with PP that BF shouldn't let this guy snub you and then continue to spend time with him.

LibraryLady

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #36 on: November 22, 2011, 06:04:18 PM »
That is a very nice photo of you two.  You look very happy.

LL

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #37 on: March 19, 2012, 02:35:42 PM »
A little update:

This "friend" sent my boyfriend a book about how monogamy goes against our instincts and everything we've evolved to be.  Yes, really.  Boyfriend started reading it and has been enjoying sharing particularly egregious and ill-founded excerpts with me. I doubt he will finish the book any time soon.  We've shared lengthy discussions with point-by-point rebuttals of the book.

So, thanks, "friend," for giving us yet another thing to bond over.   ;D

Yes, that's over 6 months that he's been at it now.   :P
« Last Edit: March 19, 2012, 02:52:59 PM by CzarinaBurrito »

jedikaiti

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #38 on: March 19, 2012, 03:15:42 PM »
It might be rubbing salt in FF's self-inflicted wound, but I kinda hope your SO is posting some of the funnier ones to FB with your joint rebuttals.
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Sophia

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #39 on: March 19, 2012, 03:24:45 PM »
My male friends usually hear very very very late about relationships.  Not because there is any possbility or desire for a relationship, but because I've noticed my male friends get boyfriends confused.  Female friends can keep guys you've dated straight in their minds.   So, I wait until we are very very serious, and he has met my parents, THEN they can meet those friends.  My female friends usually hear about every guy before the first date. 

Calypso

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #40 on: March 19, 2012, 03:30:25 PM »
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)

Winterlight

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #41 on: March 19, 2012, 04:56:12 PM »
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)

I've got Ella and Louis- a clearly superior version. *is smug*
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JenJay

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #42 on: March 19, 2012, 07:18:31 PM »
I find it telling that the former friend cut off ties with you, but not with your new boyfriend.

BINGO! I don't know what twisted his undies but it's pretty obvious he thinks it's 110% all YOUR fault! What a jerk.

Cute pic and best wishes!!

Calypso

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #43 on: March 19, 2012, 08:43:50 PM »
Looks like you've spoiled a fine bromance.  >:D

 

Dang. I now have the image of Lady Gaga doing a video for "A Fine Bromance" in my head and it won't. get. out......... 8) :o ;D ::)

I've got Ella and Louis- a clearly superior version. *is smug*

Thanks, that's much better  8)

blarg314

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new rel[color=black]ationship[/color]?
« Reply #44 on: March 19, 2012, 10:21:16 PM »

This "friend" sent my boyfriend a book about how monogamy goes against our instincts and everything we've evolved to be.  Yes, really.  Boyfriend started reading it and has been enjoying sharing particularly egregious and ill-founded excerpts with me. I doubt he will finish the book any time soon.  We've shared lengthy discussions with point-by-point rebuttals of the book.


Oh good grief!

Cutting off ties abruptly can be a sign of a someone who is really hurt and trying to retreat to hide it. Sending books about non monagamy to one of the couple, on the other hand, is a pretty blatant come on.

I think your BF needs to write him and tell him point blank that he's not interested, and to back off.