Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,34]

[blarg314]

This "friend" sent my boyfriend a book about how monogamy goes against our instincts and everything we've evolved to be.  Yes, really.  Boyfriend started reading it and has been enjoying sharing particularly egregious and ill-founded excerpts with me. I doubt he will finish the book any time soon.  We've shared lengthy discussions with point-by-point rebuttals of the book.

Oh good grief!

Cutting off ties abruptly can be a sign of a someone who is really hurt and trying to retreat to hide it. Sending books about non monagamy to one of the couple, on the other hand, is a pretty blatant come on.

I think your BF needs to write him and tell him point blank that he's not interested, and to back off.

[saffron]

I'm sorry but I just have to laugh at the fact that FF sent your BF a book! I can't even imagine what that guy is thinking - I mean ( and I know this is a huge generalization) it doesn't seem like something a guy would typically do. I just keep imagining little scenarios where FF is at Barns and Noble going : 'do I get the book about how monogamy is unrealistic or the one about how true love is just an illusion.... hmmmm....better go with the monogamy one - more subtle'   

Seriously though - you and BF seem to be dealing with this in a incredibly restrained manner. Although I do have to wonder just how far FF plans to push the envelope. Have you discussed the possibility of FF taking his issue too far and how you plan to deal with it? It might be a good idea for you and BF to get on the same page  - united front and all that...

Love the picture! Personally I find your announcement very funny and you guys look happy.
 
Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap? 

[jedikaiti]

If the book's any indication, FF the SS may be providing us with lots of entertainment until OP and SO get either sick of him, or bored with him!

[Steve]

I bet he will be making a move on BF before this thread gets locked

[mharbourgirl]

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

[squashedfrog]

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cough!! Blort!!! Snort!!!!    

[Cz. Burrito]

Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap? 

No gift wrap, sadly.  It was an e-book, which means that it's extra easy for BF to send me screencaps of it. 

For those who are curious, it's this book.

It's kind of unbelievable.

I LOL'ed at the suggestion of "He's just not that into you."   

[JenJay]

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee 

[ilrag]

I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

[Cz. Burrito]

I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.

[squashedfrog]

I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.

yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

[Twik]

Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.

[Mental Magpie]

Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.

Pod.  There is nothing wrong about buying someone a silly book, but when the buyer has said he would have "put a stop to it", does other things, then sends the book: he is very clearly and actively trying to break up the couple.  That is not okay.

[Cz. Burrito]

yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

That particular line was sent via email, so my BF did not have an immediate response and I'm not certain if he ever did respond to him.

The last time I talked to him about this, he was formulating a "final contact" email in his head.  I don't know that he will send it, but he is quickly coming to the conclusion that these are not things that friends say and do.

[Firecat]

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee 

BWAAAHAAHAAA  ::snork:: - seriously, y'all are killing me here...I can't laugh too loudly at work, and rolling on the floor kicking feebly is right.out.