Author Topic: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,34]  (Read 16320 times)

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saffron

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #45 on: March 20, 2012, 12:13:43 AM »
I'm sorry but I just have to laugh at the fact that FF sent your BF a book! I can't even imagine what that guy is thinking - I mean ( and I know this is a huge generalization) it doesn't seem like something a guy would typically do. I just keep imagining little scenarios where FF is at Barns and Noble going : 'do I get the book about how monogamy is unrealistic or the one about how true love is just an illusion.... hmmmm....better go with the monogamy one - more subtle'   :o

Seriously though - you and BF seem to be dealing with this in a incredibly restrained manner. Although I do have to wonder just how far FF plans to push the envelope. Have you discussed the possibility of FF taking his issue too far and how you plan to deal with it? It might be a good idea for you and BF to get on the same page  - united front and all that...

Love the picture! Personally I find your announcement very funny and you guys look happy.
 
Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap?  :P


jedikaiti

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #46 on: March 20, 2012, 12:23:58 AM »
If the book's any indication, FF the SS may be providing us with lots of entertainment until OP and SO get either sick of him, or bored with him!
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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Steve

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #47 on: March 20, 2012, 06:10:13 AM »
I bet he will be making a move on BF before this thread gets locked :)



mharbourgirl

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #48 on: March 20, 2012, 07:14:26 AM »
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

squashedfrog

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #49 on: March 20, 2012, 07:57:50 AM »
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Cough!! Blort!!! Snort!!!! ;D  ;D  ;D

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #50 on: March 20, 2012, 09:58:06 AM »
Also: inquiring minds want to know  - was there a card or anything with the book and did FF spring for gift wrap?  :P

No gift wrap, sadly.  It was an e-book, which means that it's extra easy for BF to send me screencaps of it.  >:D

For those who are curious, it's this book.

It's kind of unbelievable.

I LOL'ed at the suggestion of "He's just not that into you."   >:D ;D

JenJay

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #51 on: March 20, 2012, 10:52:54 AM »
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee  ;D

ilrag

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #52 on: March 20, 2012, 11:14:20 AM »
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #53 on: March 20, 2012, 11:22:55 AM »
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.

squashedfrog

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #54 on: March 20, 2012, 12:57:27 PM »
I doubt he has a thing for your boyfriend.

I know a few guys who think that book has all the right answers.  They're the same guys who already want to not commit and generally play the field for life. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're up front about it. He probably just thought your dude was in the same boat and he's trying to get him back to that mindset because it's fun to have some one to discuss things with.

It's funny, but not a big deal.

I agree with your assessment.  I have another friend who loves this book.  This friend is a bit of a...playboy.  He also was recently burned by a girl who he thought he loved, so reading this book just fit perfectly into his worldview at the moment.

My boyfriend is firmly a monogamist (we were both cheated on by our spouses and have the same expectations of a monogamist relationship).  We both agree that the book is firmly lacking scientific justification and context.  BF is a philosopher and has big problems with the way the arguments are laid out.  His reading the book isn't a big deal-- it's not like he's going to suddenly change his life based on a book-- but I think it is a big deal that this "friend" is still harping on him about extracting himself from this relationship, granted he's being slightly more subtle now.  I'm certainly fed up with it and BF has just about had enough himself.

I don't think that this "friend" is actually after my BF-- those are just amusing jokes.  I think the real problem is that "friend" fancies himself to be all-wise while at the same time being terrified of relationships because he hasn't had one in 25 years.  This person is on the record as saying that he regrets that BF didn't tell him about us sooner so that he could have put a stop to it.  Like that would have happened.  There's a lot more to it, but the reasons don't matter. He's being a giant jerk and should leave us alone.

yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

Twik

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #55 on: March 21, 2012, 12:41:39 PM »
Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Mental Magpie

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #56 on: March 21, 2012, 01:42:07 PM »
Quite honestly, there's worrying about wedding bells breaking up that old gang of mine - and then there's creepy and controlling. This has gone beyond "Why are you getting serious? I'm not serious with anyone, and I assume everyone is exactly like me." If someone tells me that he would have "put a stop to" a relationship I'm developing, I think that's reason to stop my relationship with him. There's something wrong with him if he doesn't realize how inappropriate that sounds.

Pod.  There is nothing wrong about buying someone a silly book, but when the buyer has said he would have "put a stop to it", does other things, then sends the book: he is very clearly and actively trying to break up the couple.  That is not okay.
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Cz. Burrito

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #57 on: March 21, 2012, 02:37:55 PM »
yuck! what a cretin!   Can I ask what your chaps says to him when he says those horrible things?  Does he ever actually give a reason for trying to split you up, or has your BF asked him why he keeps trying it?

That particular line was sent via email, so my BF did not have an immediate response and I'm not certain if he ever did respond to him.

The last time I talked to him about this, he was formulating a "final contact" email in his head.  I don't know that he will send it, but he is quickly coming to the conclusion that these are not things that friends say and do.

Firecat

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #58 on: March 21, 2012, 02:48:08 PM »
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Because I totally think your BF should send FF a copy of the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 >:D

Bahahaha!! I love it! Can you imagine? Teehee  ;D

BWAAAHAAHAAA  ::snork:: - seriously, y'all are killing me here...I can't laugh too loudly at work, and rolling on the floor kicking feebly is right.out.

Twik

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Re: Rude to not immediately disclose new BF? [Updates 16,38]
« Reply #59 on: March 21, 2012, 02:50:56 PM »
Czarina, has "Friend" ever acted like this with anyone else? He'll soon find himself quite lonely if his reaction to people finding Significant Others is not "Congratulations" but "NOOOOO! You can't do that!"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."