Author Topic: How to interpret this?  (Read 2560 times)

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whiterose

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How to interpret this?
« on: November 17, 2011, 07:12:09 AM »
I have been corresponding with a fellow on OKCupid for about a week now. Here is the final part of his last message, which was sent to me last night and I read this morning:

"My work week is very busy this week also because I'm trying to get a lot done before next week because I'm taking next week off. I'll be visiting my parents and they don't have a computer so I won't be able to reply for a while if you message me then.

Have a great Great American Teach-In day! "

It was in reply to my having stated:

"Thursday is one of my favorite days of the year- the Great American Teach-In. It will be a very busy week overall- I did 3 programs yesterday at the library, and that does not count the one my supervisor did"

Should I take this literally- and wish him a very happy Thanksgiving and perhaps write him again after he returns? Or should I take this as a polite (and possibly passive-aggressive) way of his saying that he is not interested in me anymore?

Next week, the first 3 days are SUPER busy for me- and on Thanksgiving and the days afterwards, I will be out of town visiting my family and BFF. So it's not like I will be hanging out online very much. But since I do not speak passive-aggression or game-playing, I do not know how to interpret this.

I know not everybody has a computer. But there are many places with wi-fi, as well as smartphones (I do not have one myself, though), and even internet cafes and public libraries. Is the fact that his folks do not have a computer (mine do not either) a credible excuse- or a blow-off?

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MummySweet

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2011, 07:41:21 AM »
I think he is just trying to manage your expectations.   He doesn't know what next week will bring.   Maybe time with his parents is a bit of a whirlwind and he won't go anywhere alone, maybe they are curious and he isn't ready to start answering questions about his new friend.   Maybe he just wants to focus on his family for a few days.     Don't read too much into this.   See what happens after next week.   

shhh its me

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 08:44:15 AM »
   It impossible to say , some people would mean this as a "let her down easy" blow off and many more( at least I hope) would just be informing you "I'm unavailable " next week.


  It's reasonable not to visit a libray or internet cafe on a vacation especially to chat with someone I've known a week. Smart phones can be expensive.  I also might not have private time to go off to the library or just to chat in the schedule.  Even if it's a white lie that his parents don't have a computer/internet  I think it's reasonable if the reason is " My parnets don't have a computer I can use for the purpose of corresponding with you" My mother has a computer and internet it took a year to get her an email account and PMing programs and took a hour or 10 to explain each one  and normally several phone calls to explain and answer.......
 " what did you do to my computer???? that window live did something?  I can't use it now!!!"
 " yeah mom that's an update just click OK please?' 
 " but it says it wants to change my harddrive, I don't want to change my harddrive" 
"just click "OK""
"No , I don't understand this come take this off "
"please please just click ""OK"".........

"Fine I'll come and fix it" drive 30 minutes hours   click "OK" and while I"m there do x , y and z


WillyNilly

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2011, 09:29:01 AM »
I would take his words at face value.  They seem totally reasonable to me (whereas the idea that one would search out a library, sign up for a library card, wait for a computer to be available - usually in limited time increments, and then spend his time on OKCupid, sorry to say, does not sound reasonable).

If you don't want to play games, don't look for one.  If you want to be a relationship where people mean what they say and say what they mean, you need to participate on both ends of the equation - you need to be upfront and clear and just as importantly you need to trust and expect your partner is upfront and clear.

Winterlight

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2011, 10:08:13 AM »
I really think you're overthinking this. He's going to be busy/unavailable for the next couple of weeks. He has considerately warned you in advance that his computer access will be limited or nonexistent during this time so you aren't left hanging. Reply, thank him, wish him a good Thanksgiving and tell him you'll look forward to hearing from him when he's back online.
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gollymolly2

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2011, 10:16:41 AM »
I would take his words at face value.  They seem totally reasonable to me (whereas the idea that one would search out a library, sign up for a library card, wait for a computer to be available - usually in limited time increments, and then spend his time on OKCupid, sorry to say, does not sound reasonable).

If you don't want to play games, don't look for one.  If you want to be a relationship where people mean what they say and say what they mean, you need to participate on both ends of the equation - you need to be upfront and clear and just as importantly you need to trust and expect your partner is upfront and clear.
I agree totally.

DavidH

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2011, 10:28:10 AM »
At this point, unless you have a reason to think he wants to break it off, take it at face value, reply wishing him a happy holiday and maybe send an email on Thanksgiving again wishing him a happy holiday and saying that you are looking forward to hearing from him when he's home and leave it there.  It keeps the communication going without being over the top and either he will email you when he's back or not.

Twik

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2011, 11:19:29 AM »
I think it sounds reasonable, and I would take it at face value until it was proven otherwise.
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Xallanthia

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2011, 11:35:47 AM »
I agree, you're overthinking it.  Once upon a time I was chatting with someone online for about two months and told him the same thing--I'm going to see family for the holidays and won't have a computer, so I won't be able to talk to you.  This was before smartphones were super-common, but I didn't have one anyway.  The following week we were dating and a year later (4 years ago now) we were married.  No games!

Now; during those 5 days I spent unable to chat with him online, I missed him a lot, and I ended up calling him on the phone one night.  My sister goaded me into it; she had just found out that day that I was interested in someone and she poked me until I agreed to do it.  Hubby (correctly) took this as a sign that I was quite interested and was very encouraged.  So, if he doesn't get in touch during the week, it isn't a bad sign, but if he does find a way, it's a very good one :P

I would make sure he has a few messages to come back to, as well... not obsessive, but just things like "Teach-in day was great, I was especially excited about (annecdote)!  I hope you're having a great Thanksgiving!"

Ruelz

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2011, 12:27:53 PM »
I'd also take it at face value at this point. 

I try NOT to use my computer on weekends...and I refuse to feel obligated to unless it's an emergency or there's a pressing need to do so...
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Judah

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2011, 12:29:35 PM »
I would take his words at face value.  They seem totally reasonable to me (whereas the idea that one would search out a library, sign up for a library card, wait for a computer to be available - usually in limited time increments, and then spend his time on OKCupid, sorry to say, does not sound reasonable).

If you don't want to play games, don't look for one.  If you want to be a relationship where people mean what they say and say what they mean, you need to participate on both ends of the equation - you need to be upfront and clear and just as importantly you need to trust and expect your partner is upfront and clear.

I agree.  I think it's best to always take people at face value and to not look for hidden meaning.  Why complicate life by looking for hidden meanings that aren't there?
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Samgirl2

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2011, 12:31:45 PM »
You're totally over thinking it. 

You told him you were having a busy week.  He replied that yes, he also was having a busy week and the reason was so he could take next week off.  Then he let you know that while he was away he couldn't chat online.

Also he said "I won't be able to reply for a while if you message me then".  To me that implies he will reply but don't be worried if it's not straightaway, because he won't have a computer for a few days.

Plus, you've said yourself you won't be at the computer while you're away so you're both in the same position - parents with no computers and you don't have a smartphone.

Just message wish him happy thanksgiving and get in contact when you have computer access again. Then he'll hopefully do the same when he's back from his trip.


whiterose

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2011, 12:58:03 PM »
I am glad to hear this is not a brush-off. Whew!

I like talking to him and look forward to his messages. I will be very busy these two weeks as well. I will send him an email tomorrow  (won't even be able to today, since I am working a late program, and work blocks OKCupid) saying how awesome Teach-In was, and wishing him a very happy Thanksgiving.

And if he does not message me the week AFTER Thanksgiving, then I will message him again.
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Surianne

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Re: How to interpret this?
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2011, 02:17:40 PM »
Sounds like a great plan (and I agree with the others to take his words at face value).  Hope it goes well for you, Whiterose!