General Etiquette > Etiquette Hell Classics

Classic Wedding Story: MIL who wanted snow tires and inclusion in the honeymoon

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willow08:
This was mentioned in the suggestions thread. I thought I'd include it.

My best friend comes from a very respectable family. They are the kindest of people and they are always polite and well-mannered. When my best friend got married her mother and father graciously offered to foot the bill. They hosted a wonderful event from the church ceremony to the garden reception. It was a truly memorable wedding. They went out of their way to be gracious and make sure all of their guests were comfortable.

Unfortunately, my best friend was not so lucky to fall in love will a man who had a similar family background. Actually, his family is fine, it's one particular person from the family that lacks the most remote inkling of social graces - his mother.

My best friend and her husband were young when they got married, and had very little money of their own at the time. Her husband, (then fiance) politely asked his mother if she would be able to contribute something towards the honeymoon, since it was the responsibility of the groom's family to pay for this and the bride's family was pretty much paying for everything else. She rudely shouted ,"Pay for it yourself!" (This woman gets huge alimony payments from her ex-husband and could have easily afforded to give a little something). So after this they accepted that they would not be able to have a honeymoon and would wait to have a "postponed honeymoon" in the future when they had more money.

After her ex-husband heard that they were not having a honeymoon because the mother refused to help at all, he offered to pay for the entire thing (even though he has no blood relation to the groom). They were overjoyed with his generosity and accepted.

OK - here is where this story starts to get good. They were going to go to the mountains for thier honeymoon. They were married in January and it would be snowing where they were headed. They did not own the type of car that could safely make it up a mountain road in the snow so they asked the mother-in-law if they could borrow her nice 4X4 vehicle for the 4 days of their honeymoon. They would trade her for their car for the four days so that she would have transportation. You would think she would be concerned primarily about her son's saftey but that was the last thing on her mind. She said that their car WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH for her and that she would only accept the BRIDE'S PARENTS BMW as a trade for the four days. Well, the bride's parents said no because they thought that this was a rude and unreasonable request - not to mention they didn't trust her with their car.

Then the mother-in-law said that she would only let them borrow her car if they GAVE HER the set of brand new tires that they had just put on their car (a major expense for this new couple starting out that had to be put on a credit card). Since they felt this was all they could do to have a honeymoon they agreed and swapped her old tires for their brand-new tires.

You think THIS is bad...it gets worse...way worse. Two days before the wedding she anounces that SHE WILL BE GOING ON THE HONEYMOON WITH THEM! I kid you not- this is a true (painfully true) story. They had booked a honeymoon suite with one bed (obiviously) in a hotel that was booked full. My best friend, the bride, tried to politely explain that there was only one bed and that they wanted PRIVACY on their honeymoon. She said she didn't mind SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!!!! The groom was so mortified he couldn't even bring himself to talk to her about it. The bride finally said,   "No- we are going by ourselves". So then the mother-in-law from hell demanded that she go on the honeymoon OR ELSE they would not be able to use her car! This after they had already traded her for the set of four tires just for the use of the car! The bride was in tears with only two days before the wedding and this psycho mom tormenting her. They decided that they would rather not go at all then have mom tag along on the honeymoon.

The bride's family felt so bad about it they made arrangement to pay for a 4X4 for the 4 days of the honeymoon even though all of their money (and then some) had already been exhausted from the large wedding ( a large wedding mainly because of the mother-in-laws extensive guest list which included all of her friends that the bride and groom had never even met before.)

And now the grand finale. She KEPT THE TIRES even after they asked for them back. Not only could she not do one kind thing to help them but she basically stole from them on their wedding day! She said it was their choice not to take her on the honeymoon and that she would call the cops on them if they tried to remove the tires. They decided it wasn't worth their effort to deal with her antics anymore and she is still driving with their tires on her car to this day. UNREAL!!!

ewicked0427-00

Hawkwatcher:
I hope that she is no longer part of their lives.  Who knows what else she would pull.

Virg:
I suspect she'll find that never knowing her grandchildren will be a high price to pay for a new set of tires, assuming the groom grows a spine.

Virg

think4yourself:
She sounds like a rather horrible woman.

However, one thing that always stuck out to me in this story was an apparent sense of entitlement. The bride's family paid for the wedding, the ex-husband paid for the honeymoon. The bride and groom should have taken some responsibility for their own honeymoon and rented themselves a vehicle, instead of buying new tires for MIL. In the end, the bride's family had to cover that as well. Aren't the bride and groom responsible for anything?

Virg:
Think4Yourself wrote:

"Aren't the bride and groom responsible for anything?"


From the article:

"So after this they accepted that they would not be able to have a honeymoon and would wait to have a "postponed honeymoon" in the future when they had more money."

"They did not own the type of car that could safely make it up a mountain road in the snow so they asked the mother-in-law if they could borrow her nice 4X4 vehicle for the 4 days of their honeymoon. They would trade her for their car for the four days so that she would have transportation."

"Then the mother-in-law said that she would only let them borrow her car if they GAVE HER the set of brand new tires that they had just put on their car (a major expense for this new couple starting out that had to be put on a credit card). Since they felt this was all they could do to have a honeymoon they agreed and swapped her old tires for their brand-new tires."

"The bride's family felt so bad about it they made arrangement to pay for a 4X4 for the 4 days of the honeymoon even though all of their money (and then some) had already been exhausted from the large wedding ( a large wedding mainly because of the mother-in-laws extensive guest list which included all of her friends that the bride and groom had never even met before.)"


Based on these bits it doesn't seem like they expected a free ride.  They were willing to go without a honeymoon entirely until ex-FIL came in and ponied up without being asked.  They offered to trade cars, and when that wasn't enough gave over a set of tires to compensate her for using the car. When the car didn't work out, again the bride's family came through without them asking.  I don't see them having a big sense of entitlement based on this.

Virg

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