Hypothetical - When a SO forgets your birthday.

[Reason]

This thread made me wonder about another hypothetical.

Say you don't for the life of you remember when your SO's birthday is. How would you ask your SO when it is without looking like a clown?

[Outdoor Girl]

Reason, I think I would try to look at my SO's driver's license sometime when they aren't looking.

Otherwise, I'd just 'fess up if I wasn't comfortable rifling my SO's wallet.  'Honey, I'm such a doofus.  When is your birthday?'

[violinp]

Reason, I think I would try to look at my SO's driver's license sometime when they aren't looking.

Otherwise, I'd just 'fess up if I wasn't comfortable rifling my SO's wallet.  'Honey, I'm such a doofus.  When is your birthday?'

That's what I would do.

[Marbles]

My DH gets the month right, but  still asks me every year whether my birthday is the 24th or 26th. The other date is his ex-wife's birthday. I rib him good-naturedly about this.

To be fair, I had to check his driver's license the first couple of years.

[rain]

BG: my b-day falls on my ex's parents wedding anni.


when we started dating, ex would remember his parents wedding anni, but not my birthday -I didn't get upset... but I'd give him a hard time about it.  Later on, he'd remember my birthday but not his parents' wedding anni.

the first few years after we split up I'd still remind him aobut it (ie - DS did you and daddy send grandma & grandpa an anni card?    - btw, I had good ILs, too bad I didn't get to keep them)

[saki]

This thread made me wonder about another hypothetical.

Say you don't for the life of you remember when your SO's birthday is. How would you ask your SO when it is without looking like a clown?

Despite having been with my husband for nearly ten years, I can never remember exactly when his brithday is - I know the month but I can't ever remember the day..  I just double check it on Facebook.

[emwithme]

Both DF and I are quite "lucky" in that we have memorable birthdays.

Mine is Valentine's Day and his is Halloween. 

I did have to tell him the first V-Day we were together that I expected birthday AND V-Day cards/gifts.  He doesn't get out of buying me something tacky for Valentines just because it's also my birthday. 

[Tilt Fairy]

Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years. I don't think he has remembered my birthday once. Like some of the posters above, I barely remember my own birthday. I'm never hurt as I guess I don't see birthdays as a big deal. In a way it's nice not being reminded that I'm one year older and somehow none the wiser.

[blarg314]

I tend to be confused about the dates of my husband's birthday - I know that it's one day away from my Mom's, but tend not to remember if it's before or after without asking. But we've only been married two years, so I'll get it straight eventually.

I think it does matter how long you've been together. In the early years, you're still adjusting to each other's styles, and it can take a while for someone to whom birthdays really aren't important to get that their SO is different. 

However, after a few years of spelling out that that it is important to you to have your SO remember and plan something for your birthday, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to program their computer to remind them as needed.  At the same time, you need to pay attention to whether your own expectations are too great. If your spouse is someone who is normally loving and thoughtful, but who just isn't good at planning events or buying gifts without help, then you have to adjust your expectations - whether you want a surprise that's not all that great, or something really nice you help plan.

I've seen the reverse, though; a spouse who just will not accept the fact that their partner doesn't like celebrating birthdays and doesn't want any special notice when theirs comes around, and keeps planning surprise parties for them.