Hypothetical - When a SO forgets your birthday.

[magician5]

Well, if you were Lucy Ricardo, you'd go "BWAAAAAAH! Ricky forgot my birthday, he doesn't love me!"

[blarg314]

  I was mad because he knew about it, but decided that it wasn't a big deal even though I had told him that it was important to me. 

I think that's a key difference.

Honestly forgetting is not so big a deal - some people are bad at remembering, or don't tend to think it's very important. It can be thoughtless, but not malicious.  Some people forget their *own* birthdays. So if celebrating X is important to you, then you need to make that clear to your spouse, and help with the remembering.

But if the spouse knows it's important to you, remembers it, but chooses not to do anything because they don't care, that's a different story.

[LifeOnPluto]

I usually mention my birthday at least once in the week beforehand. I personally think it's a little odd to never mention your birthday at all until the day actually arrives. At any rate, my DF is actually really good about remembering birthdays.

I agree with Blarg and other posters though - it really comes down to how much your SO cares about remembering. If you've reminded them, and asked them to do something to acknowledge it (be it gifts, dinner, etc) and they do nothing (or fall way short of the mark - eg taking you to Maccas when you told them you wanted to eat somewhere fancy) it's not a good sign. In that case, it's a red flag - when they deliberately ignore something you've made clear is very important to you. 

[jaybee21nz]

Mine is right after Christmas so easy to remember.
I'm also not the silent type!

My partner has forgotten his brothers birthday a few times though.
They're twins.

[katycoo]

My DH has never forgotten my birthday, a fact which I'm pretty proud of considering he once forgot his twin sister's birthday (yes, his own twin).

[Amava]

My DH has never forgotten my birthday, a fact which I'm pretty proud of considering he once forgot his twin sister's birthday (yes, his own twin).

Haha how did he manage that?  Did he forget it was his own birthday too, or did he just forget for a moment that he had a twin? Or not make the connection that since she was his twin, she had the same birthday?

[drebay]

I lucked out on the birthdays. Mine is on May 1st and his is on May 2nd.

You would think that that would work for us.  Mine is Feb 11th and his is Feb 15th.  He forgets my birthday AND Valentine's Day.  I had tried to let it go, as he doesn't care about his either.

[PaddedPaws]

I ususally have a little celebration for my birthday - a quiet date for the two of us. He remembers because it's an "event". He'll buy a gift too but, as long as he is there with me on the day I'm celebrating, that's what counts. :-)

[katycoo]

My DH has never forgotten my birthday, a fact which I'm pretty proud of considering he once forgot his twin sister's birthday (yes, his own twin).

Haha how did he manage that?  Did he forget it was his own birthday too, or did he just forget for a moment that he had a twin? Or not make the connection that since she was his twin, she had the same birthday?

He was a kid.  He got so caught up in the excitement of it being his own birthday he forgot it was hers too.

[WestAussieGirl]

I had a friend who used all celebration type dates as a test for her husband. Even though she was well aware that he wasn't good at remembering dates she would deliberately not remind him to see if he 'passed'. He really couldn't win though as if he did remember she'd still find fault - the gift wasnt thoughtful enough, he'd only bought it the night before etc.

I must have told her a dozen times that if it was important to her at he remember or remember in a particular way then she should just remind him a week or so before.  She was adamant though that if he loved her he wouldn't need reminding.

They're divorced now.

It wouldn't bother me if my DH forgot my birthday.  I'm happy to pretend it isn't happening.  For mothers day I do like to get the handmade gifts from the kids but that's all.

[MassachusettsMomx4]

My husband will remember key dates but he hates to shop so he usually doesn't acknowledge them with gifts.  He'll offer to dine out but only at a diner locally (he can drive there without having to go through traffic).

I gave up on thinking it would change.  He is a nice person and very considerate of others so I just let if go.  The trouble is, I am a gift-giver but I stopped doing that too.  We don't exchange gifts on Christmas or anniversaries or Valentine's Day.  It just makes life easier. 

[Lynnv]

If it was important to me, he would not forget because I would keep reminding him.  Truthfully, he is better about those kinds of things than I am, so it is much more likely to be me forgetting than him.  And it wouldn't bother me if he forgot it, since it isn't all that important to me.

[blarg314]

I had a friend who used all celebration type dates as a test for her husband. Even though she was well aware that he wasn't good at remembering dates she would deliberately not remind him to see if he 'passed'. He really couldn't win though as if he did remember she'd still find fault - the gift wasnt thoughtful enough, he'd only bought it the night before etc.

I must have told her a dozen times that if it was important to her at he remember or remember in a particular way then she should just remind him a week or so before.  She was adamant though that if he loved her he wouldn't need reminding.

Ah, the "If you loved me you could read my mind" couple.  I've known a few couples like that, where one of them is high maintenance and expects their spouse to just *know* what they want and need, and produce it, or know that even if they say X they mean Y.   None of them are still married.

[jaybee21nz]

My DH has never forgotten my birthday, a fact which I'm pretty proud of considering he once forgot his twin sister's birthday (yes, his own twin).

Partner in his late 30's, him and his twin bro were sharing a house, they're both so smart they overlook details.

Now they both have gf's and don't forget!

[siamesecat2965]

I lucked out on the birthdays. Mine is on May 1st and his is on May 2nd. So we remind each other and then have a special outing for "our" birthdays. If we buy presents, he can't wait to give me mine. So I get my present within ten minutes of him walking in the door. And I'll hide his present in plain sight. He misses it every time until we exchange them.

If either of us forgot a birthday, it would be both of us forgetting at the same time. I don't see that happening.

That's funny since my mom and dad were a day apart too, so he never forgot, although he wasnt' great about remember other milestones!

I had a situation once with an ex-BF; we were in a long-distance relationsh*p, and had been together for several years.  My birthday came and went, and I thought, oh, he's in grad school, and doesn't have much money, and he DID call so I figured I wasn't getting a gift, and that was ok.

Next year rolls around, adn I commented something along the lines of how it was ok he hadn't gotten me anything the previous year.  He then said, what do you mean, I sent you flowers!  Which I never got.  And he never bothered to ask me THEN about them when I never thanked him!  I said you know me better than that and KNOW that I'd never not thank you, so you shoudl have gotten a clue, and had you said something, we could have dealt with this then, but now its too late!  Still don't know where they went!