I don't understand people who allow present exchanges to become power games. If your SIL won't give you her list in good time, and won't be gracious about the giving or receiving, give her something that brings you joy and says, "this makes me think of SIL". A list isn't a command performance. If she just returns it or is dismissive of it, give her a gift card, or decline to give her a present.
By the same token, you don't have to tell her exactly what to get you. The Amazon list is helpful, but not a requirement. You get some of the surprise because you don't know what, if anything, she got for you, but you still sacrifice a lot of the joy by providing a shopping list instead of a wish list. Let your SIL off the hook next year - tell her that if she doesn't want to put any effort into your gift, she doesn't have to get one. The gift of being there twice is enough.
That right there is not a good enough reason to have to put up with her nastiness, silent treatment, snarky comments, and more during the holidays if I were to do that. Besides, my MIL requires a shopping list also, and I wouldn't hurt her for the world, she is the sweetest person I've ever met. All MIL asks is that everyone get along during the holidays, and darn it I will give it to her.