Reducing Christmas Present Spend to match? Results #29

[rm247]

Just to clarify, the reason i haven't reduced my spending previously is that i have always tried to treat both halves of my family the same. So my half-sister who i am far closer to, would have the same amount spent on her (roughly) as my half-brother.

I was under the beelief that treating the 2 halves different was a bigger breach of etiquette.

[ShadesOfGrey]

It's not a breach at all. Do you open gifts altogether ? Give one gift to each, then make a separate time to give to your half sister, away from fanily, if so.

[rm247]

It's not a breach at all. Do you open gifts altogether ? Give one gift to each, then make a separate time to give to your half sister, away from fanily, if so.

I open my gifts with mum and half-sister i con't open with my Dads side (dad/stepmum/brother)

[ShadesOfGrey]

So if the never see each others's gifts, there shouldn't be an issue if your spending is disparate, right?

[Venus193]

When my family switched to drawing names for our gift exchange, it was great for me (less money to spend) but also difficult as I do love being generous. I solved it by sticking to the one gift, but channeling my generosity into making big platters of cookies and candies or buying a couple special bottles of wine to share.  Maybe that would work for you.

I like this suggestion.

When I met Blanche and her wasband years ago I had one gift for each of them and got something like 7 gifts back.  This was the result of Blanche working in department stores and getting freebies (in fragrance) and steep discounts on everything else.  I went the multiple-gift route after that and have a tendency to do this with other people as well.

Now with not being steadily employed for a very long time she is depressed and apologetic at being unable to afford to do this.  I'm still sending her a box with multiple things because I haven't seen her since 2004 and some of these things are things she can't get (like SF Godiva bars) because she is on the outs with her brothers.

[Wonderflonium]

I agree that it's not rude to scale back.

Another way to channel the urge to give is to buy presents for Toys for Tots or for an Angel Tree. I always go WAY overboard on those because it breaks my heart to think about a child not getting presents for Christmas.

[CuriousGeorge]

Everyone feels differently about Christmas. You should understand their lack of thought/volume/quality/money spent on gifts likely has no reflection on you, but instead is a direct reflection on how they feel about the holiday itself.

I think your idea is fine.. and you could even go them one further and suggest no gifts be exchanged at all and see if they'd rather get together for a meal or other activity.

This, absolutely.

I used to adore Christmas - then a few life things happened that made me begin to actually despise the entire time of the year.  I still dislike it quite a bit, but I tolerate it for my family.  But as far as I'm concerned, I would dearly love to scrap all gift-giving because my heart's just not in it anymore.  However, I still love my family and friends to pieces - it has nothing to do with them.  I'm just dead inside. 

[Texas Mom]

I was under the beelief that treating the 2 halves different was a bigger breach of etiquette.

As long as the two halves are not in a position to compare (ie, opening gifts together), there is no etiquette breach.

Buy for your mom's family as you usually do and buy for your father's in the same manner as they buy for you.

[Roe]

I also think it would be a kindness for you to scale back.  After all, they've already shared with you the fact that they really don't like to shop.  If anything, they are probably uncomfortable with the amount of gifts you give them. 
 

[bopper]

If you are familiar with the "Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman,  one of them is "receiving gifts".

Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

The others are:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

So it might be that your Love Language is "Recieving gifts" and your husband's family's is something else. It is like you are trying to speak Spanish to them when they speak French and you are not understanding why they don't get it.  So although thoughtful gifts may make you feel loved, it might not do the same thing for them.  Perhaps finding out what their thing is would be good.

[rm247]

UPDATE

A few months ago my Dad/Stepmother asked for foreign currency for Christmas as they are planning on going abroad in Summer. That was fine, nice and easy present. Just before i was due to buy the cash, i checked i had the right country only to be told to scrap that idea as the holiday was off and they didn't know what they wanted.

Since then i have done most of my Christmas present shopping and bought their main gift already. I have just received a text from my Dad asking for a different foreign currency for Christmas.

I am not willing to return the gifts i bought already, however i do have a small amount left in my budget for their presents. Would giving them a small amount of the foreign currency be acceptable or would it be considered an insult?

[Daffydilly]

You already have them covered for gifts. Don't worry about adding a foreign currency on top of it. You asked, they answered no currency at the last update. It's close enough to Christmas, they will be fine with whatever you give them.

[Deetee]

Nope, you are under no obligation to get them any more. It wasn't an unreasonable request, as you asked and plenty of people are last minute shoppers.

[kudeebee]

Stick with what you have already purchased.  You asked and they said "no currency" so you picked out other gifts.

[rm247]

I exchanged presents with my Dads family last night and even after reducing my present giving to try and avoid it, i still ending up feeling upset afterwards.

(I'm not going to list the presents themselves or the costs, that's not the point)

From my Dad/Stepmum i got a giftbag, with a present inside, the open giftbag being the only giftwrapping done, no wrapping paper or even closing the giftbag, so it was impossible to not see what i got from Christmas. I was told that they couldn't be bothered to wrap presents yet.
Followed by the fact that they couldn't see me on Boxing day because their football team was playing and as i support a different one, they chose watching football on TV to spending time with me.

From my Brother i got nothing as he hasn't bought them yet, so I'll probably get it after Christmas.


On the upside I'm used to being let down by them now and seeing as it's happened so early it shouldn't affect my Christmas itself.