Reducing Christmas Present Spend to match? Results #29

[Venus193]

I'm sorry it's turned out like this.  You did say in your initial post that your father doesn't care about Christmas presents and shopping.  This isn't about you; it's all his issue.

I recommend that you find more congenial people to celebrate with.  Family doesn't have to mean DNA.

[amylouky]

RM, I mean this gently so please don't take offense.. you really need to scale back your expectations for your Christmas experience with your Dad and family, or you're going to continue getting hurt. They've shown for years that presents are not important to them, and that they don't enjoy or value the gift-giving aspect of Christmas. Actually, it sounds like the entire holiday might just be no big deal for them. Your dad did get you a gift.. that's something. My dad would generally duck into the back room and write out checks at some point during our Christmas dinner.. we just got used to it. 

I understand that for you, the gift-giving joy is a major part of your enjoyment of Christmas, but you are setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt by expecting them to conform. It's not going to happen.. you can't control that, but you can control your reaction to it and how you let it make you feel. Just the fact that there's a possibility that it could "affect your Christmas" tells me you're taking the whole gift thing way too personally, it's not a statement on how they feel about you, just about gift-giving in general.

Might I suggest that, since you love buying/wrapping gifts, you might consider doing something like an Angel Tree? That may satisfy your need to give, and I guarantee that they will go to someone who will really appreciate them!

[TootsNYC]

Everyone feels differently about Christmas. You should understand their lack of thought/volume/quality/money spent on gifts likely has no reflection on you, but instead is a direct reflection on how they feel about the holiday itself.

Both of these.

And in fact, I think it's not rude to reduce your spending but is, in fact, sensible and appropriate. ESPECIALLY if you're starting to resent it. You are actually the one creating the situation that is causing the resentment, and it would be sort of unfair of you to continue doing so.

There you are, resenting them, and they didn't even do anything out of the ordinary or unkind!
I agree. 

Also, reducing your buying might even be a relief for them.  It makes me pretty uncomfortable when someone clearly gives me way more than I give them, but I'm also not willing to increase my own purchasing to match theirs (I really don't enjoy shopping for gifts -- I only do it because it's expected of me and it makes people happy).