Author Topic: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners  (Read 3524 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #15 on: November 26, 2011, 10:41:37 AM »
Another thing to consider is if this would decrease mom's stress.  for some it would for others it wouldn't.  If mom likes to voersee things or if some of those people don't know her "system", having them take over could actually create anxiety for her (or dad). 

I stay away from certain aspects of clean up in my mom's house.  One is the dishwasher.  SHe has insight into the dishwasher that I apparently don't have.  She knows the best place to put each glass, plate and utensil to fit the most and to get max spray. WHen I do it they just end up being rearranged.

SPuck

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #16 on: November 26, 2011, 10:43:53 AM »
So I'm a tad irked with my adult kids (who should know better)...and a little irked with the SOs who are old enough to offer to help at least.

Yes, people should know better but you really can't it against them when you don't ask for help. It might be annoying to do all the time, but people don't necessarily about the washing, the cleaning, the cooking at a holiday deal because as they guest they are in the mind set they they are there to relax.

Just ask your sister out right if she will help clean up next time. Be polite about, and she probably won't back down because its a direct question and not an outrageous request.

SPuck

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #17 on: November 26, 2011, 10:45:07 AM »
"Mom, Why don't you leave this cleanup to sister, BF, the kids and me, and go sit and visit with Aunt and Uncle."  Then distribute the work among you.


Is this the best way to get her to help? Its being volentold to do something, and I don't think most posters like that.

Bijou

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #18 on: November 26, 2011, 07:27:28 PM »
"Mom, Why don't you leave this cleanup to sister, BF, the kids and me, and go sit and visit with Aunt and Uncle."  Then distribute the work among you.


Is this the best way to get her to help? Its being volentold to do something, and I don't think most posters like that.
Regarding the bold...I have no idea what this means.
I'm not giving that advise to the posters, but to the OP, who knows how her mom would feel about it.  And in her post she wondered about asking others to help, which indicates to me he mom would be OK with it.   In my family, the cook would be most grateful and happily announce that she'd been banned from the kitchen.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

wolfie

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #19 on: November 26, 2011, 07:29:46 PM »
"Mom, Why don't you leave this cleanup to sister, BF, the kids and me, and go sit and visit with Aunt and Uncle."  Then distribute the work among you.


Is this the best way to get her to help? Its being volentold to do something, and I don't think most posters like that.
Regarding the bold...I have no idea what this means.
I'm not giving that advise to the posters, but to the OP, who knows how her mom would feel about it.  And in her post she wondered about asking others to help, which indicates to me he mom would be OK with it.   In my family, the cook would be most grateful and happily announce that she'd been banned from the kitchen.

But how would her sister feel about it? I would be fine helping out if someone asked me to but if someone announced that I would help with the clean up I would resent it. I like to have input in what I do.

Bijou

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #20 on: November 26, 2011, 07:34:41 PM »
Another thing to consider is if this would decrease mom's stress.  for some it would for others it wouldn't.  If mom likes to voersee things or if some of those people don't know her "system", having them take over could actually create anxiety for her (or dad). 

I stay away from certain aspects of clean up in my mom's house.  One is the dishwasher.  SHe has insight into the dishwasher that I apparently don't have.  She knows the best place to put each glass, plate and utensil to fit the most and to get max spray. WHen I do it they just end up being rearranged.
Trick is, if she says no, to just say, 'OK...what can I do to help?'
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

O'Dell

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #21 on: November 26, 2011, 07:35:24 PM »
"Mom, Why don't you leave this cleanup to sister, BF, the kids and me, and go sit and visit with Aunt and Uncle."  Then distribute the work among you.


Is this the best way to get her to help? Its being volentold to do something, and I don't think most posters like that.
Regarding the bold...I have no idea what this means.
I'm not giving that advise to the posters, but to the OP, who knows how her mom would feel about it.  And in her post she wondered about asking others to help, which indicates to me he mom would be OK with it.   In my family, the cook would be most grateful and happily announce that she'd been banned from the kitchen.

voluntold = volunteered + told  Someone volunteers your help on your behalf and expects you to follow thru on their promise. Your suggested wording might work okay with some people but others would be offended to have their help volunteered for them.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman

Bijou

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #22 on: November 26, 2011, 07:36:50 PM »
"Mom, Why don't you leave this cleanup to sister, BF, the kids and me, and go sit and visit with Aunt and Uncle."  Then distribute the work among you.


Is this the best way to get her to help? Its being volentold to do something, and I don't think most posters like that.
Regarding the bold...I have no idea what this means.
I'm not giving that advise to the posters, but to the OP, who knows how her mom would feel about it.  And in her post she wondered about asking others to help, which indicates to me he mom would be OK with it.   In my family, the cook would be most grateful and happily announce that she'd been banned from the kitchen.

But how would her sister feel about it? I would be fine helping out if someone asked me to but if someone announced that I would help with the clean up I would resent it. I like to have input in what I do.
I assume she would have some kind of discussion with the sister, etc, to begin with.  (If the sister said no, I would have a real problem with that but wouldn't insist.)
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

MissRose

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2011, 07:57:51 AM »
A bit to add: my mother is the type who thinks people should know better and not have to ask every time to do stuff.  I think my sister knows better but I know my mother and sister well: my mother doesn't ask much of my younger sister IMO, plus my sister doesn't do her fair share (and often hasn't over the years), and my sister likes to play the "I have kids card, etc" sometimes. 

LeveeWoman

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2011, 10:44:32 AM »
A bit to add: my mother is the type who thinks people should know better and not have to ask every time to do stuff.  I think my sister knows better but I know my mother and sister well: my mother doesn't ask much of my younger sister IMO, plus my sister doesn't do her fair share (and often hasn't over the years), and my sister likes to play the "I have kids card, etc" sometimes.

Having kids prevents someone from carrying dishes into the kitchen?

MissRose

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #25 on: November 27, 2011, 12:27:22 PM »
A bit to add: my mother is the type who thinks people should know better and not have to ask every time to do stuff.  I think my sister knows better but I know my mother and sister well: my mother doesn't ask much of my younger sister IMO, plus my sister doesn't do her fair share (and often hasn't over the years), and my sister likes to play the "I have kids card, etc" sometimes.

Having kids prevents someone from carrying dishes into the kitchen?

My sister is the type of person who has used various excuses of why she shouldn't do things from time to time mainly in the family home.  If I pulled every excuse out of my hat like my sister does, my mother wouldn't like it but my sister tends to get away with a lot more.

Lynda_34

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Re: Polite way of asking others to pitch in and help at holiday dinners
« Reply #26 on: November 28, 2011, 09:26:59 AM »
Posting for the proverbial update but I'd consider getting this straightened out beforehand, like a week before hand.  Wih Thanksgiving over and done with, you can phrase suggestions with reference to what has just happened.

Good luck.