BG: Eric is an old friend of DH, is married and has a 6yo son. Eric lost his job over a year ago but his wife, Tammy still has hers. Unfortunately her income is about 1/3 of what Eric's was. Since Eric lost his job, they lost their home and had to move in with Tammy's mother. Tammy's mother takes care of everything and Eric, Tammy, and their son, Dane, don't have to lift a finger in her home. They moved in with Tammy's mother over 9 months ago.
Tammy's mother lives about 8 hours away from us. Eric finally found a job, but it is on OurTown. We agreed to let Eric move in with us and pay a minimal amount to help his family get back on their feet. DH has fond memories of when DH and Eric were in the military together and they hung out all the time. Tammy and Dane still live in TheirTown and will stay there through the end of the school year (May-June). Then they will move to OurTown. /BG
By now you see the writing on the wall...
Eric doesn't do anything around our house and it is a little annoying. Sure, he pays some rent but not much. There is no contract. He has to be asked to take out the trash rather than just stacking more trash beside the can. He doesn't do dishes. He washes his own clothes and that is it...doesn't clean his bathroom, doesn't help with anything else in the house at all.
We were having DS's baptism last Sunday. On Thursday, Eric told us that he had just learned that his work was only going to give him Thanksgiving day off. He wouldn't get to go visit Tammy and Dane in TheirTown. He wanted to us to let Tammy and Dane stay at our house for the holiday. We were planning to go to my MIL's house for the big meal and didn't know what to do. We quickly reworked our plans and MIL graciously agreed to extend an invitation to Eric and family as well.
We were doing deep cleaning as we got ready for the party at our house following son's baptism. Eric volunteered that Tammy would gladly help us get ready for the party and help with the cleaning. Tammy was going to be such a great help as we got ready for everything...
But that's not how it happened. Tammy and Eric didn't lift a finger. We ended up with day after day of them taking over our living room and sending Dane in to play with DD and DS while DH or I supervised all the kids. Dane expected me to fix his breakfast every morning even though our deal with Eric is that Eric is responsible for all his own meals unless I was cooking anyway. MIL requested I make a few sides to go with Thanksgiving dinner and Tammy didn't offer to so much as chop a vegetable. Tammy has literally sat on our couch virtually the entire time they've been here. We expected them to go home today but they informed us that they were going to stay until Sunday. No asking if they could stay in our home an extra day; just informing. We usually go through a roll of toilet paper in each bathroom every 1-2 weeks. Since they've been here we've gone through 4 rolls in less than 1 week!
I'm just really frustrated at this point. Dane was up all day and night coughing but I had to go get his parents to take care of him. He coughs himself until he throws up just to stay awake. He kept myself and my children up almost all night one night but thankfully his parents went to get him cough medicine the next day -- over 36 hours after his coughing began. It might be fine in their home but they subjected all of us to it as well. Dane also keeps extra lights on constantly which means our electric bill for the month is going to be significantly higher.
I've learned that in the future, maybe we need to spell things out a little better. If I invite someone into my home then I don't expect them to do chores. I do like it when people offer to help out but I don't expect them to empty the dishwasher. The problem is that these aren't guests of DH's or mine. They are Eric's guests. Guests that Eric promised would be a help but have turned into a real pain.
I'm expecting a high electric bill from the lights and tv on all the time. I'm expecting a high water bill from the long showers. They are using our stash of disposable cups and a 6 yo kid always forgets where his cup is. Then he gets a new one. He went so far as to tell DD to punch herself in her privates and thought it was funny. I don't trust this kid alone with mine now. I intervened and took Dane to his parents to have them deal with him (which they did). I also got onto Dane finally for treating our home with incredible disrespect. He never apologized but I sent him to his parents again. They didn't say anything to me about it or apologize. I think they've gotten the idea I'm not happy. They've gone to get fast food and never offered to get us anything. I would only expect an offer since we seem to be expected to feed their child whenever we feed ours. It comes down to a complete lack of reciprocity. I feel like I'm their maid and they spend all day on the couch watching tv.
Is there a way to tell Eric he owes us extra money for their visit because of our extra expenses? Is there a polite way to tell him that in the future, his family is not welcome to stay in our home? Our deal was with Eric and Eric only. We don't want this kind of week to happen again. They've already hinted that they want to stay with us while they find a place to live after the school year. Not happening. I don't know if they will ask to be here for Christmas. I'm sorry, but they can stay at a hotel. Any suggestions on how to handle these moochers if they ask to stay here again? Thank goodness they plan to leave tomorrow last I heard.