When I decide to make a change, I will ask several people close to me, including my husband, their opinions about the change. It does not mean I will take their suggestion, just that I care enough to see what they think. The last time I cut my hair, I went from shoulder blade long to an Audrey Hepburn pixie. Everyone I spoke to shied away from the drastic change, I considered what they said and did it anyways. It does not mean that I did not want thier opinions, just that I did not agree.
Agreed. The first time I cut my hair short (mid-back to chin length) I mentioned that I was considering it to a large, mixed group of friends. All the men but one were against it. All the women were for it. I asked because I was quite nervous; I was 19 and had had long hair (no shorter than 3" past my shoulders, frequently mid-back) since I was 7.
After I did it, all the men but one complimented me on my hair. The one dissenter said I still looked pretty and it was a good short cut for me but he just loooooooooooooves long hair generally.
If I were married to any of those men but the dissenter, I would've still cut my hair. Married to the dissenter, I *might* still have done it, but probably not, because he had such strong feelings on the issue. The dissenter is now married and his wife's hair was past her waist last time I saw them.
My actual husband has known me with both long and short hair, as my general pattern is to let it grow for 2-3 years, get annoyed with the long hair, and cut it off at chin length. He generally doesn't care that I do what I want but has requested that I try to grow it as long as possible this time (last cut was ~6 months ago).
Especially because the OP's wife wanted to donate (10" minimum), I don't think it was at all rude or inconsiderate for her to decide against the OP's request. Asking just means that you're taking the person's opinion into consideration, not that you're absolutely going to abide by the decision.