[bg] DH and DD1 both have coeliac's disease. They have been diagnosed for a few years and most of our friends and family have been wonderful with helping them with the transition to the special diet, especially DD1 who was only young at the time of diagnosis. With one exception. My SIL who is normally lovely and really truly loves my daughter just does not make any accommodation. At all. As in has invited me and my daughters to afternoon tea and had nothing at ALL gluten free on the table. Then when DD1 eventually gets hungry she'll say "Oh, go look in the fruit bowl, there's probably something you can eat..."
This has been going on for a few years now. The last time they hosted christmas they asked us to contribute money towards the price of the day (rather than bringing a dish) but then DH and DD2 were left scrounging about to get what food they could. Things like the GF ham was put on a platter with the non-GF food on top of it, meaning it was contaminated. Instead of just buying the Kraft coleslaw dressing, which is GF, they bought the Praise coleslaw dressing, which is not, and then made a production about it when we had to ask them to leave some without dressing AFTER they made a production out of reading the label to check. I did TRY to discuss options with them before the day but was shrugged off with a "There'll be something. You can check when you get here"[/bg]
All in all, I have been a bit irritated by this for a long time and said nothing to keep the family peace. This christmas, however, we have been told "Oh yeah, we still want you to give us money towards the cost of the day. Oh, and if you want anything GF then you bring it." Wait. What? So I am paying $50 (the usual amount) AND bringing food for half my family? Because they can't change their SALAD DRESSING for one day?!
*Ahem* As you can see I am quite annoyed. It's one of those situations where one gets much more annoyed on someone else's behalf than one would on their own. DH, who is personally affected, is very relaxed about it and says not to worry, he and DD will find something to eat. But I don't want my DD to spend her christmas picking the scraps off the bone because all the good meat has been dumped on a platter with a cross contaminant that will make her sick. I DON'T think it's SS to ask for the meat to be on separate platters, but that "isn't the way they do things".
So, sorry for the long info here. I have been wracking my brains for a solution to this.
1. Could I just say "I'd rather not contribute $$. I'll bring a leg of lamb and a salad?" If I do this, there's a good chance they'll just say that that doesn't suit them - how would I deal with that?
2. My mother has suggested that I just ask if I could bring the dressings/sauces for everyone (as well the $$) so that they'll be happy and DD can eat. Could I then just deduct the cost of the dressings (likely to add up if there's a few) from the money I would normally give them?
3. Am I just a massive SS? I don't think it is SS to expect invited guests to be reasonably fed - I'm not asking for the whole menu to be changed, just a few precautions to be taken and perhaps the easily changed things changed.
TBH if it doesn't work out this year I really just don't want to go anymore. Is it wrong to potentially create family drama about this? Should I let them know I feel that way? Argh! This is WAY more stressful than the years that I host!!