Author Topic: Good response for my waiter...  (Read 18019 times)

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O'Dell

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2011, 02:20:31 PM »
Usually when I've heard that type of comment, it was a little sarcastic and implies that the person made a pig of themselves. Not a weight comment, but a comment on how quickly and how much the person ate. He might have meant it as face value, but I'd be a bit taken aback at first and my response would be silence by default...with a neutral expression not a cold stare.
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DuBois

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2011, 02:32:45 PM »
Usually when I've heard that type of comment, it was a little sarcastic and implies that the person made a pig of themselves. Not a weight comment, but a comment on how quickly and how much the person ate. He might have meant it as face value, but I'd be a bit taken aback at first and my response would be silence by default...with a neutral expression not a cold stare.

Yeah, this. I suppose it depends on the culture of the restaurant, but I have to say I find such comments rather 'off' if not exactly rude. I prefer being asked if I enjoyed it, or just silence.

Judah

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2011, 02:34:44 PM »
I think this is a case of finding offense when none was intended.  I find it's best to take peoples words at face value with no hidden meaning. (Actually, I don't have the ability to find hidden meaning, so I just naturally take everything at face value.)
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2011, 02:36:27 PM »
I think this is a case of finding offense when none was intended. 
(snip)

I completely agree.
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Adelaide

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2011, 02:38:45 PM »
All I could muster up at the time was a stare, I really had no idea what to say. I don't think he was commenting on my weight as I had lost all of it by that point, but it still made me feel odd.

I don't understand.  If you'd already lost what you considered to be "excess" weight, then what on earth would make you think he was implying anything whatsoever about your weight?  He doesn't know you used to be a little heavier and thus might be a little sensitive on that issue.

I think he was just enthusiastic and pleased that you liked the food enough to eat virtually all of it.  I'm sure the chef and the management of the restaurant would have been very pleased too.  By eating all of your meal, you were actually extending a compliment to them and I think he was (awkwardly perhaps) just expressing his appreciation.

I never said that it was a comment about my weight, I just said that I used to be heavier and I'm self-conscious about when people draw attention to how much I've eaten.

Streganona

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #20 on: December 06, 2011, 02:48:29 PM »
I think this is a case of finding offense when none was intended. 
(snip)

I completely agree.

POD

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2011, 02:50:56 PM »
All I could muster up at the time was a stare, I really had no idea what to say. I don't think he was commenting on my weight as I had lost all of it by that point, but it still made me feel odd.

I don't understand.  If you'd already lost what you considered to be "excess" weight, then what on earth would make you think he was implying anything whatsoever about your weight?  He doesn't know you used to be a little heavier and thus might be a little sensitive on that issue.

I think he was just enthusiastic and pleased that you liked the food enough to eat virtually all of it.  I'm sure the chef and the management of the restaurant would have been very pleased too.  By eating all of your meal, you were actually extending a compliment to them and I think he was (awkwardly perhaps) just expressing his appreciation.

I never said that it was a comment about my weight, I just said that I used to be heavier and I'm self-conscious about when people draw attention to how much I've eaten.

So you don't think the waiter was trying to insult you?

DuBois

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #22 on: December 06, 2011, 02:54:13 PM »


I thought that it was sometimes said that rudeness doesn't have to be intentional to be rudeness. I am not seeing the OP as unreasonable at all, and I would have been offended by the waiter as well, even if I didn't thin.k he was making a jibe

Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #23 on: December 06, 2011, 03:02:25 PM »


I thought that it was sometimes said that rudeness doesn't have to be intentional to be rudeness. I am not seeing the OP as unreasonable at all, and I would have been offended by the waiter as well, even if I didn't thin.k he was making a jibe

Why?  So many people here seem to think servers, in the capacity of their job, should just be automatons, never commenting on anything. 

Waiters, cashiers, etc. are people too, and they are constrained for topics by the tacit requirement of something in common. What the two parties have in common is the service being rendered.

Why read anything into "Wow, you really liked that," beyond "Wow - most people don't care for asparagus that much; usually this dish goes back just picked at, if it's ordered at all"?
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hobish

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #24 on: December 06, 2011, 03:07:45 PM »


I thought that it was sometimes said that rudeness doesn't have to be intentional to be rudeness. I am not seeing the OP as unreasonable at all, and I would have been offended by the waiter as well, even if I didn't thin.k he was making a jibe

Why?  So many people here seem to think servers, in the capacity of their job, should just be automatons, never commenting on anything. 

Waiters, cashiers, etc. are people too, and they are constrained for topics by the tacit requirement of something in common. What the two parties have in common is the service being rendered.

Why read anything into "Wow, you really liked that," beyond "Wow - most people don't care for asparagus that much; usually this dish goes back just picked at, if it's ordered at all"?

I have notcied that, as well, and was about to post the same thing. It's disheartening.
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DuBois

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #25 on: December 06, 2011, 03:16:57 PM »


I thought that it was sometimes said that rudeness doesn't have to be intentional to be rudeness. I am not seeing the OP as unreasonable at all, and I would have been offended by the waiter as well, even if I didn't thin.k he was making a jibe

Why?  So many people here seem to think servers, in the capacity of their job, should just be automatons, never commenting on anything. 

Waiters, cashiers, etc. are people too, and they are constrained for topics by the tacit requirement of something in common. What the two parties have in common is the service being rendered.

Why read anything into "Wow, you really liked that," beyond "Wow - most people don't care for asparagus that much; usually this dish goes back just picked at, if it's ordered at all"?

I have seen the opposite-people seem to me to think that severs somehow get to be much chummier than other professionals-people seem to always say 'they have a tough job, they get a pass'. Um, no, doesn't work like that. Absolutely I want a server to be an 'automaton' they are not my friend, they are there to bring my meal (different for regular customers). FWIW, some family members are in the restaurant business, and would agree with my POV.

O'Dell

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2011, 04:10:49 PM »


I thought that it was sometimes said that rudeness doesn't have to be intentional to be rudeness. I am not seeing the OP as unreasonable at all, and I would have been offended by the waiter as well, even if I didn't thin.k he was making a jibe

Why?  So many people here seem to think servers, in the capacity of their job, should just be automatons, never commenting on anything. 

Waiters, cashiers, etc. are people too, and they are constrained for topics by the tacit requirement of something in common. What the two parties have in common is the service being rendered.

Why read anything into "Wow, you really liked that," beyond "Wow - most people don't care for asparagus that much; usually this dish goes back just picked at, if it's ordered at all"?

I have seen the opposite-people seem to me to think that severs somehow get to be much chummier than other professionals-people seem to always say 'they have a tough job, they get a pass'. Um, no, doesn't work like that. Absolutely I want a server to be an 'automaton' they are not my friend, they are there to bring my meal (different for regular customers). FWIW, some family members are in the restaurant business, and would agree with my POV.

Yeah I'm the same way. I don't like the "friendly" over-familiar servers. Give me the right order, make sure I have a drink, and give me an accurate check at the end, and I *will* tip you well. And "Wow, you really liked that," is overly-familiar. I wouldn't lambaste the guy over it, but I also wouldn't encourage chatter after he made a comment like that.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
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MrsJWine

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2011, 04:17:38 PM »
Good servers know who to be chummy with and who to be more formal with. There's no blanket rule for how you treat customers; it's a matter of reading people and making decisions based on their body language and interactions with you.

This waiter clearly made a mistake in reading you, but I wouldn't call it any more than that. You may be sensitive to this issue (and understandably so), but that doesn't make it a gross rudeness on his part. A mistake, yes, but nothing deserving of a cold retort.


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Utah

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2011, 04:31:07 PM »
Good servers know who to be chummy with and who to be more formal with. There's no blanket rule for how you treat customers; it's a matter of reading people and making decisions based on their body language and interactions with you.

This waiter clearly made a mistake in reading you, but I wouldn't call it any more than that. You may be sensitive to this issue (and understandably so), but that doesn't make it a gross rudeness on his part. A mistake, yes, but nothing deserving of a cold retort.

Agreed.
I wish there would be a post about "how can I stop viewing innocuous comments in a negative light because my own insecurities make me feel like the comments are some kind of judgement about me" instead of asking if the people behaving with no malice are considered rude.

DavidH

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Re: Good response for my waiter...
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2011, 04:36:32 PM »
I don't really see a problem with the comment.  The server saying, wow, you just gobbled that right down would be rude or saying I can't imagine how you were able to finish all that is rude.  In my mind, the right response is yes, or yes, it was delicious.