Good response for my waiter...

[TurtleDove]

I wish there would be a post about "how can I stop viewing innocuous comments in a negative light because my own insecurities make me feel like the comments are some kind of judgement about me" instead of asking if the people behaving with no malice are considered rude.

Excellent post.  Yes.  It would be impossible to determine who is sensitive about what.  I think I told the board before that it rubbed me odd to hear people talk about getting together to "hang out" after finding my husband dead.  Thankfully, I recognized that the problem was with me and my issues, not with the people using the innocuous phrase "hang out."   I think many people would have far happier lives if they realized that other people are not out to get them or to judge them (generally speaking) and oftentimes much emotional energy is wasted on some perceived judgment that does not exist!

[DuBois]

I wish there would be a post about "how can I stop viewing innocuous comments in a negative light because my own insecurities make me feel like the comments are some kind of judgement about me" instead of asking if the people behaving with no malice are considered rude.

Excellent post.  Yes.  It would be impossible to determine who is sensitive about what.  I think I told the board before that it rubbed me odd to hear people talk about getting together to "hang out" after finding my husband dead.  Thankfully, I recognized that the problem was with me and my issues, not with the people using the innocuous phrase "hang out."   I think many people would have far happier lives if they realized that other people are not out to get them or to judge them (generally speaking) and oftentimes much emotional energy is wasted on some perceived judgment that does not exist!

I agree with this statement quite a lot. However, I think it is a slightly seperate issue from the one being discussed here. I would have been slightly irritated by the waiter as well, even if I didn't feel he was judging. And if he was, I wouldn't care. It's just for some people that sort of jokey tone is just grating. I feel I'm not doing a great job of explaining myself, but I don't think the OP was out of line for feeling rubbed wrong. Everyone has agreed that the 'intersting assumption' line would have been a bad idea, but she isn't obliged to banter either.

[TurtleDove]

I feel I'm not doing a great job of explaining myself, but I don't think the OP was out of line for feeling rubbed wrong. Everyone has agreed that the 'intersting assumption' line would have been a bad idea, but she isn't obliged to banter either.

Oh, of course she is not obliged to banter!  I was just getting the sense that she was upset because she felt there was judgment in the statement.  I am not the waiter, but it seems highly unlikely that he intended to judge or offend the OP, and in my experience it is better to assume people are kind than to waste emotional energy imagining judgments or slights.

From my perspective, the majority of the time no one is judging me at all.  And those who are actually judging me?  Generally speaking I don't care what they think so why waste my time being upset about it?

[DuBois]

I feel I'm not doing a great job of explaining myself, but I don't think the OP was out of line for feeling rubbed wrong. Everyone has agreed that the 'intersting assumption' line would have been a bad idea, but she isn't obliged to banter either.

Oh, of course she is not obliged to banter!  I was just getting the sense that she was upset because she felt there was judgment in the statement.  I am not the waiter, but it seems highly unlikely that he intended to judge or offend the OP, and in my experience it is better to assume people are kind than to waste emotional energy imagining judgments or slights.

From my perspective, the majority of the time no one is judging me at all.  And those who are actually judging me?  Generally speaking I don't care what they think so why waste my time being upset about it?

Totally, I think that's a really healthy way of looking at things. For me, the whole question of waiters is a slightly seperate topic. I agree with MrsJWine that everyone who comes to a restaurant wants something different in terms of service, and that a really good waiter is one who can 'read' people well. But for me, the baseline is just promptness and courtesy. I'm the sort of person who likes to read my paper and not really engage in small talk, but I'm not the only fish in the sea

[Delia DeLyons]

I find the waiters statement sort of expresses surprise that OP would finish her meal - that makes it seem off and yes, annoying, to me anyways because well... Why wouldn't I eat my meal? Why seem surprised? I'd rather be asked how everything was... Regardless of finding it a bit annoying, though, I'd probably just say 'Yes, it was quite good.' and forget about it.... Wouldn't affect my tip or anything...

[Sharnita]

I find the waiters statement sort of expresses surprise that OP would finish her meal - that makes it seem off and yes, annoying, to me anyways because well... Why wouldn't I eat my meal? Why seem surprised? I'd rather be asked how everything was... Regardless of finding it a bit annoying, though, I'd probably just say 'Yes, it was quite good.' and forget about it.... Wouldn't affect my tip or anything...

I guess that as I think about it that is where I find myself.  Don't most people really like the food the restaurant serves? Why would it be comment-worthy?

[Glaceon]

I guess I'm oversensitive too.  It wouldn't affect the tip I left or anything, or cause me to respond in a negative way outwardly, but that comment would hurt my feelings.  At least depending on the tone used.  Whether he meant it that way or not (and he probably didn't), it could easily come off like "wow, you sure are a pig."  I guess I just don't feel like people (not just servers) should comment about the amount of food someone eats.  Unless maybe they ate literally one bite, then it might not be amiss to make sure something wasn't wrong with it.