Scatalogical "Humor"

[Venus193]

I have an old friend of 26 years' standing who permits her third-grade son to tell fart jokes.  I realize that potty mouth is common among kids at toilet-training stage, but he is way beyond that.  Someone even gave this kid a "disgusting jokes" book for Christmas.

Is there any polite way to tell her and her husband that this kind of talk will be counted against their child by others?

[fklwmn]

Third grade boys think farts are funny. Trust me, I have been through that phase. Recently. I don't think there is a problem with him telling fart jokes, and I don't think it's a problem that he got a disgusting joke book for Christmas.

The key to this is that they need to teach him that there are some places where those jokes are funny, and some places where they are not. On the playground at recess? fine. Goofing off with your friends in the neighborhood? Also fine. Hanigng out with Dad who also loves these jokes? Noooo Problem! At dinner? Not okay. Visiting grandma? Probably not (though that would depend on Grandma...). In polite company? Absolutely not. etc...

My guess is that if the parents aren't automatically doing this, then they don't REALIZE that these jokes aren't always appropriate, which seems like a much bigger problem to me. I think I'd just make a face and say something like "Oh, that's gross. I really don't want to hear about farts while I'm eating/having drinks/visiting/whatever. Why don't you save those jokes for your friends?" You can even follow up with "Oh, you'll love THIS joke!" and follow it up with a more appropriate one, if the situation suits.

[Venus193]

I suspect that the Miss Manners Glare might work on the parents.

I'm on record as saying that this is the one thing I hold against George Carlin, whom I think is otherwise a genius.

[Hawkwatcher]

I do not think that you can say anything to the parents without them interpreting your comments as criticism of their parenting.  They might especially be offended by your comments if you do not have children.   

[Chocolate Cake]

I agree that it wouldn't be in your best interest to take the parents to task over the broader implications of encouraging their son to be crass.  You can, however, make a sour face each and every time the kid shares one of these treasures with you and say, "I don't find fart jokes funny.  Do you have any other kind of jokes?  You know, like a joke you could tell your minister or your Grandma?" 

If he says something like, "I did tell my Grandma this joke!"

You can look at his Mother and raise an eyebrow and concerned, "Really? You talk like that to your Grandma?" and then, "Let's talk about something nicer.   What else did you get for Christmas?"

[Slartibartfast]

"It's not nice to tell jokes like that to adults.  Can I tell you a funny one?"  (Insert clean, reasonably funny joke here.)

At that age, "to adults" is pretty much the dividing line.  There may be special exemptions (like a dad who loves potty humor), but in general, children shouldn't tell dirty jokes to adults - and by the time they get to be adults themselves, they should have picked up on the more complex rules of "how to tell if you're in Polite Company" r not.

[Clara Bow]

Ummm, it's a little known fact that any conversation involving my grandfather is going to end up in poop....the man is 82 and he still tells fart jokes (and gives demonstrations)....
I think that this is a time and place thing. Believe me, boys have a thing for bodily noises. My kid is three and his favorite thing in the world is watching Hammy burp his ABC's on Over the Hedge. But I don't think that he needs to be telling fart jokes to the general public.
I might tell him that I'm not crazy about those kinds of jokes.

[Evil Duckie]

Third grade boys do love farts, but it is up to the parents to teach them that it is not appropriate in most places.

As to what you can tell the parents. Not much.

Best plan of action is to not respond at all to the jokes. Pretend that he didn't say anything. If he asks why you aren't responding to his jokes tell him very calmly and simply -you don't like rude jokes- and then continue on as nothing was said. Repeat as necessary.

A big factor in telling these jokes is to get a response from people good or bad. No reaction- no reward to the joke. He will soon learn not to tell these jokes, atleast in front of you.

[ccnumber4]

The fact that you, as a family friend, have been in a position to hear these jokes means that he does not understand the "time and place" concept.  I generally completely ignore behviour I find inappropriate in other people's children.  (within reason, of course)  After so many non-reactions -- not a smile, an acknowledgement, nothing -- the kid usually gets the picture.  I also remember this reaction working really well on me as a kid.  I quickly found that things I thought were cute or clever were not funny to adults and I didn't repeat them after that.     

[Gileswench]

As someone who grew up with older brothers, babysat a lot of little boys, and is now friends with a neighbor who has four sons ranging in age from three to twelve, I can assure you that it's rare to find a little boy who doesn't think bodily functions and the noises they cause are remarkably hilarious. The key, as others have said, is to teach him that there's a time and a place for these jokes, and it isn't when you're around. Don't react, and eventually they'll tire of trying to goad a reaction out of you.

[Venus193]

Non-response is probably the way to go.  I just wish I understood the need for shock value.

[Brentwood]

Kids like that type of humor years past the toilet-training stage, but I don't like it.

Unfortunately, some boys never grow out of it and grow up to be men who laugh at their children's fart jokes. (Ack, I even hate the word fart. I'm a fuddy-duddy in that department.)

[Venus193]

Cathy, I agree completely.

[ZipTheWonder]

Third grade boys think farts are funny.

I think so, too.    Although...I try not to (pardon the pun) let that out.

I don't think you would want to call their parenting into question by 'warning' them about the consequences of his behavior.  I think you can only let the parents know your own sensibilities about this if he is offensive in your presence.

[ZipTheWonder]

Non-response is probably the way to go.  I just wish I understood the need for shock value.

It has a psychological basis.  Our species wouldn't survive if children didn't demand attention.  It's sort of their job at this stage of development.