She Had a Birthweek

[Surianne]

I say rude. Just because you don't have to attend an event doesn't make it any less rude to invite people to celebrate the same event multiple times.

I've never heard this before so I'm trying to understand your reasoning.  What exactly makes it rude? 

[Flora Louise]

I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

[Rivaini]

I say rude. Just because you don't have to attend an event doesn't make it any less rude to invite people to celebrate the same event multiple times.

I tend to agree with this. Not egregiously rude, but I would probably be annoyed.

Don't we normally raise our collective eyebrows at the same guest list for multiple showers? I see this as pretty much the same thing.

It might be a good idea to have someone close to him take him aside and tell him that it's great that they're dating and things seem to be going well, but he can't volunteer other people's pocketbooks to impress her because it's alienating them both.

And this, definitely. I don't think he was joking at all, and I would have felt extremely uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that. You pretty much can't say no, because then you're the jerk.

[Surianne]

I say rude. Just because you don't have to attend an event doesn't make it any less rude to invite people to celebrate the same event multiple times.

I tend to agree with this. Not egregiously rude, but I would probably be annoyed.

Don't we normally raise our collective eyebrows at the same guest list for multiple showers? I see this as pretty much the same thing.

Interesting.  I don't see it as remotely similar myself.  They were all completely different events (dinner, karaoke, etc) and Todd made it very clear that he was inviting everyone to all of them so that the friends could choose the event(s) they liked best.  Also, there's an expectation of a gift with each shower that isn't there with multiple casual birthday events.

Also, if we want to compare to weddings, it's considered okay to invite guests to multiple gatherings celebrating the same event -- say, a wedding, a reception, a bachelorette/bachelor party, and a bridal shower. 

[immadz]

I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid.

[Rivaini]

Interesting.  I don't see it as remotely similar myself.  They were all completely different events (dinner, karaoke, etc) and Todd made it very clear that he was inviting everyone to all of them so that the friends could choose the event(s) they liked best.  Also, there's an expectation of a gift with each shower that isn't there with multiple casual birthday events.

Also, if we want to compare to weddings, it's considered okay to invite guests to multiple gatherings celebrating the same event -- say, a wedding, a reception, a bachelorette/bachelor party, and a bridal shower.

Meh, okay you got me. I definitely see your point. 

I guess the only part that would still annoy me then is if I were put on the spot at every event, to cough up money/treat the birthday girl.  Not saying that's what Todd did, but if he did, that would make me grumbly.

[Surianne]

I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid.

Yeah...from the OP it sounds like even if the friends did pay for the dinner, that is standard practice for birthdays in the circle.  So I don't think snarking on that as if it's something unique to Todd and Jenny is fair.

If Todd was serious about the friends covering Jenny's cab, that's the part of the story I have a problem with, but that's the only mention of money I've noticed so far.  (Always possible I missed something, of course.)

Interesting.  I don't see it as remotely similar myself.  They were all completely different events (dinner, karaoke, etc) and Todd made it very clear that he was inviting everyone to all of them so that the friends could choose the event(s) they liked best.  Also, there's an expectation of a gift with each shower that isn't there with multiple casual birthday events.

Also, if we want to compare to weddings, it's considered okay to invite guests to multiple gatherings celebrating the same event -- say, a wedding, a reception, a bachelorette/bachelor party, and a bridal shower.

Meh, okay you got me. I definitely see your point. 

I guess the only part that would still annoy me then is if I were put on the spot at every event, to cough up money/treat the birthday girl.  Not saying that's what Todd did, but if he did, that would make me grumbly.

That would definitely make me angry too, so I think we're closer to being on the same page than we think 

[O'Dell]

Interesting.  I don't see it as remotely similar myself.  They were all completely different events (dinner, karaoke, etc) and Todd made it very clear that he was inviting everyone to all of them so that the friends could choose the event(s) they liked best.  Also, there's an expectation of a gift with each shower that isn't there with multiple casual birthday events.

Also, if we want to compare to weddings, it's considered okay to invite guests to multiple gatherings celebrating the same event -- say, a wedding, a reception, a bachelorette/bachelor party, and a bridal shower.

Meh, okay you got me. I definitely see your point. 

I guess the only part that would still annoy me then is if I were put on the spot at every event, to cough up money/treat the birthday girl.  Not saying that's what Todd did, but if he did, that would make me grumbly.

See I don't think those examples work well. The reception celebrates the coming together of the couple and families. The bridal shower is supposed to be a celebration of the bride entering into a new stage in her life and sending her off prepared. And bachelorette is a farewell to singlehood.. If the b-day events were thrown by different people...say Todd planned a get together with mutual friends and someone in OP's friend group planned the dinner and a girl friend planned yet another event but only girls at a night club and family planned a party on the weekend...then I think you're argument would work that they are separate events. Just not in this case.

[PoliteTeacher]

I say rude. Just because you don't have to attend an event doesn't make it any less rude to invite people to celebrate the same event multiple times.

I've never heard this before so I'm trying to understand your reasoning.  What exactly makes it rude?

I see it has a mother-to-be/bride-to-be having five baby/bridal showers and inviting the same people to each one. No one would be required to attend them all of course, but just issuing an invite like that would be rude to me.

[PoliteTeacher]

Interesting.  I don't see it as remotely similar myself.  They were all completely different events (dinner, karaoke, etc) and Todd made it very clear that he was inviting everyone to all of them so that the friends could choose the event(s) they liked best.  Also, there's an expectation of a gift with each shower that isn't there with multiple casual birthday events.

Also, if we want to compare to weddings, it's considered okay to invite guests to multiple gatherings celebrating the same event -- say, a wedding, a reception, a bachelorette/bachelor party, and a bridal shower.

Meh, okay you got me. I definitely see your point. 

I guess the only part that would still annoy me then is if I were put on the spot at every event, to cough up money/treat the birthday girl.  Not saying that's what Todd did, but if he did, that would make me grumbly.

I see your point, too Surianne. :-)

[BeagleMommy]

I think Todd was OTT and trying to be the ultimate romantic boyfriend.  DH does this.  He wants every event to be "special".  Me, I would rather go out for dinner on my birthday rather than a gift.  One year he bought me so many Christmas gifts he forgot where he hid some of them.  He's never asked anyone to chip in for his OTTness.

[Flora Louise]

I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid.

Well let's see, the line up was:

>> Wednesday: Birthday drinks
Thursday Night: See Band at Bar
Friday: TBA
Saturday: Karaoke, Drinks, and Dinner at Restaurant <<

Unless Todd was paying everyone's way, they were out the $$, weren't they? Not only for themselves but for the honoree. Or am I wrong, OP? Was Todd hosting all these events?

[immadz]

I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid.

Well let's see, the line up was:

>> Wednesday: Birthday drinks
Thursday Night: See Band at Bar
Friday: TBA
Saturday: Karaoke, Drinks, and Dinner at Restaurant <<

Unless Todd was paying everyone's way, they were out the $$, weren't they? Not only for themselves but for the honoree. Or am I wrong, OP? Was Todd hosting all these events?

If I attende Thursday night... cos I like band and bar. Then I am only out that money. I would pay for the honoree at one of the events I attended - not at all of them. If you had gone to band at bar you would have to cover your own tab regardless of whether you were there to celebrate a birthday or not.

[SamiHami]

See, now I always have what I call my "week-long birthday festival," but you have to do it right! I don't include the same people for all the fun things I do. I have my get-together with family, DH and I go out to dinner with one group of friends, we have drinks with another group of friends, and a girlfriend always takes me out to lunch/dinner (and I do the same for her on her b-day). Plus I signed up for lots of birthday freebies from local restaurants, so I usually wind up with 6-7 free meals throughout the month as well. It's all in good fun and I don't expect the same group of people to celebrate memememememe all month long!

It was a nice idea, but a lousy execution.

[ilrag]

The cab thing (had I been there) would have changed my feelings on the matter from  to  . 

I live in a college town (that doubles as a tourist trap). It's a 10 minute car ride from my house to the main street where the bars are.  Or a 15 dollar cab ride. Part of planning for going out is planning how you're going to get home.  When I was in grad school 15 bucks meant a lot more to me then it does now. (Plus buying the birthday girl drinks/dinner/what ever the plan for the night is?)

The line gets crossed for me when you switch from "let's pitch in to make this a fun night for our friend" to "let's take over grown up responsibilities for some one and figure out how they're going to get home!"