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• September 28, 2016, 03:56:09 PM

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#### bopper

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #60 on: December 08, 2011, 08:21:20 AM »
or "Todd, I think it might work out better if you just have one event instead of 4. That way instead of having 5 people attend each night you would get closer to 20. People just can afford that much time or money. Imagine if we all did that!"

#### blarg314

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #61 on: December 08, 2011, 08:51:32 PM »

I can see why people were miffed. Your social circle has a fairly well established routine - dinner and drinks, the birthday person gets treated, and this cycles through the group so it balances out over the year.

Todd then takes it on himself to try to organize a birthday week extravaganza for his new squeeze, that manages to quadruple the normal amount of celebrations (four distinct, pay your your own way events, at which you may or may not be expected to chip in for the birthday girl).  His justification for this - his GF is so awesome that she deserves this.

So I think the reason why people were put off by this was 1) the sheer amount of time and money they were being asked to spend on one person's birthday and 2) the love-struck implication that she was more worthy of celebration than the rest of you and 3) the disruption to what had been a very workable routine.  Instead of one birthday gathering, you have four, and most people aren't going to go to more than one or two, so the celebrating as a group tradition gets shot down.

I would say Todd was more clueless and lovestruck than really outrageous, and just not thinking. If he had thought, he'd have gone with the usual group celebration, and taken his GF out for a nice dinner or skating with just the two of them later that weekend. And in both directions people behaved correctly in that they didn't berate people for not showing up, and you guys didn't complain to them about the invitations, but simply accepted the ones you were interested in.

#### wyliefool

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #62 on: December 09, 2011, 12:09:06 PM »
I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well?

Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid.

Well let's see, the line up was:

>> Wednesday: Birthday drinks
Thursday Night: See Band at Bar
Friday: TBA
Saturday: Karaoke, Drinks, and Dinner at Restaurant <<

Unless Todd was paying everyone's way, they were out the $$, weren't they? Not only for themselves but for the honoree. Or am I wrong, OP? Was Todd hosting all these events? Todd was not paying for everyone so, no, he was not hosting in the traditional sense. We were all meant to pay our own way. And unless I'm mistaken he didn't even try to make an attempt to look like he was paying at the bar, as you said she went to the bar to order drinks but he never did. So he didn't even pay for his own drinks then, let alone hers?? Hmmm. I actually forgot to add in that there was actually an additional event that Todd was hoping to organize but then dropped (hence the empty date in the middle). This is his initial, email out to our close group before the event was created on FB: "Hey, Jenny's birthday is coming up so I'm planning it all out. We're going to Bar Wednesday. Thursday to Bar and to see Band. Friday or Saturday we can go for Karaoke and dinner at Restaurant. She also mentioned she wanted to go skating so we can go here: IceSkatingRink. Let me know if y'all have any more ideas, I'm inviting other people but I just wanted to make sure you were all on board before I make the FB event so let me know as soon as you can. -skating rink is at least 30 minute drive, more w. traffic -Todd doesn't have a car -he dropped the event when he realized he would have to commit to a certain number of people and not many people could give a firm answer -the people who responded to the email (by reply all so I saw them) were letting him know they were going out of town, others only responded to say they were unsure of their plans As for finances - Jenny is from a wealthy background, the rest of us have family support (fixed allowance) or live off of student loans. So, 15 won't break the bank, but we can't spend indiscriminately. #### NyaChan • Member • Posts: 4111 ##### Re: She Had a Birthweek « Reply #63 on: December 09, 2011, 04:27:39 PM » I wonder what he'll plan if they marry? A wedding year? Will the guests foot that bill as well? Not entirely sure that the guest were out more money for this event. Its also unclear as to how much more each guest paid. Well let's see, the line up was: >> Wednesday: Birthday drinks Thursday Night: See Band at Bar Friday: TBA Saturday: Karaoke, Drinks, and Dinner at Restaurant << Unless Todd was paying everyone's way, they were out the$$, weren't they? Not only for themselves but for the honoree. Or am I wrong, OP? Was Todd hosting all these events?

Todd was not paying for everyone so, no, he was not hosting in the traditional sense.  We were all meant to pay our own way.  And unless I'm mistaken he didn't even try to make an attempt to look like he was paying at the bar, as you said she went to the bar to order drinks but he never did. So he didn't even pay for his own drinks then, let alone hers?? Hmmm.

I actually forgot to add in that there was actually an additional event that Todd was hoping to organize but then dropped (hence the empty date in the middle).

This is his initial, email out to our close group before the event was created on FB:
"Hey, Jenny's birthday is coming up so I'm planning it all out.  We're going to Bar Wednesday. Thursday to Bar and to see Band.  Friday or Saturday we can go for Karaoke and dinner at Restaurant. She also mentioned she wanted to go skating so we can go here: IceSkatingRink.  Let me know if y'all have any more ideas, I'm inviting other people but I just wanted to make sure you were all on board before I make the FB event so let me know as soon as you can.

-skating rink is at least 30 minute drive, more w. traffic
-Todd doesn't have a car
-he dropped the event when he realized he would have to commit to a certain number of people and not many people could give a firm answer
-the people who responded to the email (by reply all so I saw them) were letting him know they were going out of town, others only responded to say they were unsure of their plans

As for finances - Jenny is from a wealthy background, the rest of us have family support (fixed allowance) or live off of student loans.  So, \$15 won't break the bank, but we can't spend indiscriminately.

Oh, he did pay for his own drink. In general Todd is a good guy! Todd did not go to the bar with Jenny, as in did not go up with her at the same time.  When we first arrived (I ended up driving them along with my friend after she told them she already had a ride with me), he went and staked out one of the bigger seating areas so we would have enough room.  Us girls went to the bar, ordered our drinks, and sat down.  He then went up and bought a drink.  Todd can't drink very much due to health reasons so he didn't order anymore.

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #64 on: December 09, 2011, 05:16:01 PM »
So how did Jenny feel about all this? Personally I would be mortified if LordL tried to throw me a "birth week" though I'm not a birthday person. But I wouldn't want a "Ph.D. graduation week" either, even though that will be a major life milestone for me.

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #65 on: December 09, 2011, 06:09:32 PM »
So how did Jenny feel about all this? Personally I would be mortified if LordL tried to throw me a "birth week" though I'm not a birthday person. But I wouldn't want a "Ph.D. graduation week" either, even though that will be a major life milestone for me.

That is an excellent question!
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#### NyaChan

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##### Re: She Had a Birthweek
« Reply #66 on: December 09, 2011, 07:41:41 PM »
Jenny didn't say much about her birthday beforehand aside from a couple of non-specific comments that she was looking forward to her birthday or telling me what her parents had sent her for a present.  She was not included in the email that Todd sent out to our friend group (the one with the skating rink proposal).  I actually hung out with just her and Todd right before the birthday week, and Todd brought up the topic.  He only mentioned it because he wanted to ask if I knew whether a mutual friend was planning on coming at all and if so was she bringing her boyfriend.  A student organization that I am a part of kept changing our meeting dates and times so I hadn't been able to give them an RSVP for the events.  Jenny asked me if they had contacted me yet, and since they hadn't, the conversation changed to discussing that organization since she is also a participant but in a better organized section.

She did apologize when she got in my car the night we went to the bar- "Sorry for just jumping in like this without asking, thanks for driving" and we are good enough friends that I don't really mind.  After the week was done, I did ask her how her dinner night went.  It turns out that not enough people came to merit getting a karaoke room at the restaurant they had originally planned on.  They ended up at another restaurant which I know she also loves, but unfortunately her friend from out of town suddenly became very very sick.  The group ended up having to leave and the friend flew home early the next day.  So really Jenny never said how she felt about the birthday.  I was too worried that I wouldn't seem excited enough or might betray that I wasn't really on board with the multi-night celebration so I didn't bring it up myself beforehand.