Author Topic: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted, New Update #107  (Read 22884 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted, New Update #107
« on: December 12, 2011, 06:07:14 PM »
Hey - this is one of those, why did you tell me this?? moments, and I'm not sure what to do.

BG:  I have a Friend who is also friends with my close friend Jenny (from the birthweek thread).  She does not like or get along with Todd, Jenny's boyfriend  & my close friend.  When she makes comments around me about them usually centered around complaining about their "coupleyness" that no one but her seems to see or get upset about, I either point out that I saw nothing wrong with how they were acting or change the subject as soon as is humanly possible.  A particular point of mockery for Friend is that Todd and Jenny had rings made that reads T(heart)J & J(heart)T - A bit cheesy in my opinion, but they like it and that's what matters, besides - the rings are so discreet that I have yet to notice them.

Recently Jenny asked Friend to feed her cat while she and Todd were out of town.  Friend came to see me a couple of weeks later, and pulled out her cell and proceeded to laughingly tell me that she just had to show me a picture that she took and sent to her friends who don't go to our school & live in a different state.  I look over to her cell and my jaw drops.  Friend, while going into Jenny's apartment to feed her cat, found that Todd had forgotten his ring.  She took a picture of the ring and sent it out to her friends to show them an example of what she had been talking about all this time. 

I questioned her a bit as to what she had done - hoping against hope that the picture had been taken with permission and not during the time Jenny and Todd were out of town.  She said no, she had taken it when she went in to feed the cat.  I imagine my face was showing my shock, because she immediately said "Well it's not like I went looking for it in the apartment, he left it on the table!"  All I could think to say was "Wow.  I am NEVER leaving you alone in my apartment ever!"  Her response was limited to expressions of how her friends who had received the picture had thought it was hilarious and sooo ridiculous.  It was clear that she didn't think she had done anything wrong, and I didn't know what to say so I pretended to just start studying again so she would stop talking.

 Now I don't really know what to do.  What she did feels like a complete invasion of trust and privacy to me, but maybe I am overreacting?  At one point I even felt guilty because I had posted about the birthweek and wondered if I was just as bad - but then I didn't do that to mock them or be malicious.  Part of me keeps thinking of how I would feel if someone did that to me, and if a friend knew and didn't tell me, but Jenny would be extremely hurt to find that Friend did this, and right now is one of the most stressful times of the year - finals :(  Does anyone have an opinion on whether Friend crossed the line, and if so how bad of a violation is it?  Do you think I should tell Jenny what happened or would that just be stirring up trouble rather than helping? 
« Last Edit: January 31, 2013, 03:55:27 PM by NyaChan »

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12983
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2011, 06:09:42 PM »
I would say that your feeling is correct, that "Friend" cannot be trusted. After that, I certainly wouldn't be allowing her into my home unsupervised.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2011, 06:14:00 PM »
Looks to me like Friend is so jealous that she's about to burst.  Classic cover-up.

And I agree with Art.




Fleur-de-Lis

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2567
  • Dum Vivimus, Vivamus!
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2011, 06:15:51 PM »
I would say that your feeling is correct, that "Friend" cannot be trusted. After that, I certainly wouldn't be allowing her into my home unsupervised.

I agree.
   Finally we shall place the Sun himself at the center of the Universe.


WhiteTigerCub

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2423
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2011, 06:17:19 PM »
Friend has too much interest in T & J relationship. The lady doth protest too much. 

I'd start bean dipping her anytime she mentions anything about the 'couple'.  The relationship is really none of her business.

Arizona

immadz

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4783
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2011, 06:19:11 PM »
I agree with PPs, friend is not trustworthy at all. I am torn on the tell Jenny or not question. If I were Jenny, I would want to know that I was being mocked by someone I thought was a friend. On the other hand I think politeness dictates that one not carry tales.


Surianne

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10846
    • Prince ShimmerShine Moondream's Blogging Adventure
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2011, 06:21:29 PM »
Hmm.  This is a ring they wear publically?  If so I don't really see it as a giant violation of trust to take a photo of it.  It's not something secret or private.  I've shared photos with friends before, for example of a friend's engagement ring that I thought was hideous that was posted on Facebook -- sometimes a quick email vent of "Oh goodness gracious this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen" to a friend can help me keep my polite face on in Real Life  ;D   I love venting to my far-away friends because I know it won't get back to people in town, so I can do it without worrying.  I'm guessing Friend is similar.

So to me this wouldn't be a huge deal.  I think you handled it well, in making it clear that it bothered you.  In the future, you can tell her that you don't want to hear her make fun of Todd and Jenny, and leave the room if she starts.  But I wouldn't tell Jenny this -- it would likely just upset her, and there's nothing really that Friend is doing wrong in her apartment.  If she were neglecting the cat, or taking photos of something private like underwear that would be different, and I'd say to let Jenny know right away.

Looks to me like Friend is so jealous that she's about to burst.  Classic cover-up.


Friend has too much interest in T & J relationship. The lady doth protest too much. 

It's not always a jealousy thing at all actually.  I love being single but I also make fun of "coupley-ness" and get annoyed by it.  Something like this ring would have me rolling my eyes hardcore.  I've had people accuse me of being jealous but...I'm really not.  At all.  I would never, ever want a relationship like that -- it's not for me in the slightest.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 06:23:46 PM by Surianne »

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12983
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2011, 06:27:06 PM »
Surianne,

You don't feel that it's a violation of trust, at least between Jenny and "Friend" to off essentially broadcasting "Ha! Ha! Look at that nitwit Todd.  He went on vacation and left his ring behind!" ? She was in the house to do one thing -- feed the cat. If this was because she's annoyed by the "couplyness" then she needs to address that issue with J & T, not go around mocking Todd in such a public way.  Especially not mocking him about something that no one would have known about had she not been granted the privilege of entering their home. (And yes, although she's doing them a favor, it's still a privilege to be given unsupervised access to someone else's home.)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Fleur-de-Lis

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2567
  • Dum Vivimus, Vivamus!
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2011, 06:28:52 PM »
Hmm.  This is a ring they wear publically?  If so I don't really see it as a giant violation of trust to take a photo of it.  It's not something secret or private. 

Even if it's a ring they wear publicly, making a photo shoot of it simply because it was unattended is an invasion of privacy. 

Especially if it's evident from the photos that the "friend" had handled the ring in any fashion.  Yes, the ring may have been on the coffee table, but snooping when you've agreed to feed the cat is not appropriate, and the photo can easily lead to reasonable implications about "friend's" preparedness to snoop. 
   Finally we shall place the Sun himself at the center of the Universe.


bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5228
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2011, 06:29:57 PM »
It sounds like friend is jealous of the relationship.  Does she have a crush on one of them?

As for telling Jenny, my gut says to stay out of it, but this is a person she trusted to come into her home, who used that opportunity to openly mock her.  I imagine she will be extremely hurt to find out what kind of friend of this is.

Can you talk to this friend and tell her that what she did was egregious (sounds like you sort of have) and that she owes Jenny a huge apology?

« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 06:36:00 PM by bah12 »

ettiquit

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1662
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2011, 06:31:06 PM »
It would trouble me greatly if I found out a friend had taken a picture of something in my house for the express purpose of sending it to friends for a laugh.

I stopped having someone housesit for me when she expressed surprise by the fact that I didn't go through her beside table drawers one time when I housesat for her.  That said to me that she assumes everyone does this and to not assume my belongings won't be rifled through.  When you entrust someone to enter your home to care for a pet, water plants, etc., it is perfectly reasonable to expect them to only do the things they were asked to do. 

If you stumble upon something private while looking for cat food, that's one thing.  Coming across something and taking a picture of it like that? 

Despicable.

Teenyweeny

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1664
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2011, 06:32:25 PM »
Well. My haircut is pretty public. I'd still feel annoyed if a 'friend' took photos of me, without my knowledge, and passed them around other friends for the sole purpose of mocking me.




jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2011, 06:33:31 PM »
It would trouble me greatly if I found out a friend had taken a picture of something in my house for the express purpose of sending it to friends for a laugh.

I stopped having someone housesit for me when she expressed surprise by the fact that I didn't go through her beside table drawers one time when I housesat for her.  That said to me that she assumes everyone does this and to not assume my belongings won't be rifled through.  When you entrust someone to enter your home to care for a pet, water plants, etc., it is perfectly reasonable to expect them to only do the things they were asked to do. 

If you stumble upon something private while looking for cat food, that's one thing.  Coming across something and taking a picture of it like that? 

Despicable.

I completely agree. It's one thing to send it to maybe one friend and laugh about it, it's quite another to take the picture and send it to many people with the intent to mock and make fun of it.

That shows very poor boundaries and judgement.

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2011, 06:33:57 PM »
I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5228
Re: Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2011, 06:34:31 PM »
Hmm.  This is a ring they wear publically?  If so I don't really see it as a giant violation of trust to take a photo of it.  It's not something secret or private.  I've shared photos with friends before, for example of a friend's engagement ring that I thought was hideous that was posted on Facebook -- sometimes a quick email vent of "Oh goodness gracious this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen" to a friend can help me keep my polite face on in Real Life  ;D   I love venting to my far-away friends because I know it won't get back to people in town, so I can do it without worrying.  I'm guessing Friend is similar.

So to me this wouldn't be a huge deal.  I think you handled it well, in making it clear that it bothered you.  In the future, you can tell her that you don't want to hear her make fun of Todd and Jenny, and leave the room if she starts.  But I wouldn't tell Jenny this -- it would likely just upset her, and there's nothing really that Friend is doing wrong in her apartment.  If she were neglecting the cat, or taking photos of something private like underwear that would be different, and I'd say to let Jenny know right away.

Looks to me like Friend is so jealous that she's about to burst.  Classic cover-up.


Friend has too much interest in T & J relationship. The lady doth protest too much. 

It's not always a jealousy thing at all actually.  I love being single but I also make fun of "coupley-ness" and get annoyed by it.  Something like this ring would have me rolling my eyes hardcore.  I've had people accuse me of being jealous but...I'm really not.  At all.  I would never, ever want a relationship like that -- it's not for me in the slightest.

She's still mocking her friends.  Even if they wear the rings publically, she's taking pictures and sending them to others for the purpose of making fun of them.  It's mean.

And to me, I could roll my eyes at certain things that couples do (like dress alike), but just because I don't prefer it in my own relationship doesn't make it ok for me to take pictures of the clothes and email them to other friends so that we can laugh at them together.