Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted, New Update #107

[gramma dishes]

...  Jenny would be extremely hurt to find that Friend did this, and right now is one of the most stressful times of the year - finals    ...  Do you think I should tell Jenny what happened or would that just be stirring up trouble rather than helping?

Not during finals.  But if I were Jenny, I'd want to know.  Yes, it would hurt my feelings.  Yes, it would make me angry.  Yes, it might destroy my friendship with the person who used something special and precious to me as a basis for making fun of me and the person I'm currently dating.  I wouldn't like knowing that someone I trusted was making me a laughing stock all over the world.

But I'd want to know. 

I'd want to be absolutely certain that I never trusted this person anywhere near my personal belongings again.  I'd want to make sure I never told this person anything whatsoever about my personal life at all ever again.   This would definitely be a friendship destroying bomb and if I knew OP knew about this and hadn't told me, I'd sadly assume she was complicit.

[still in va]

...  Jenny would be extremely hurt to find that Friend did this, and right now is one of the most stressful times of the year - finals    ...  Do you think I should tell Jenny what happened or would that just be stirring up trouble rather than helping?

Not during finals.  But if I were Jenny, I'd want to know.  Yes, it would hurt my feelings.  Yes, it would make me angry.  Yes, it might destroy my friendship with the person who used something special and precious to me as a basis for making fun of me and the person I'm currently dating.  I wouldn't like knowing that someone I trusted was making me a laughing stock all over the world.

But I'd want to know. 

I'd want to be absolutely certain that I never trusted this person anywhere near my personal belongings again.  I'd want to make sure I never told this person anything whatsoever about my personal life at all ever again.   This would definitely be a friendship destroying bomb and if I knew OP knew about this and hadn't told me, I'd sadly assume she was complicit.

and here i go agreeing with gramma dishes again.

it's not about the ring.  it really has nothing to do with that.  and i was one of those shaking my head at Todd having a "celebrate my girlfriend's birthday week".

this is a violation of privacy.  to me, it doesn't matter if friend took a picture of Todd's ring and made the sarcastic comments that she made, or of Jenny's undies hanging to dry in the shower (check out Jenny's grannie panties, girl seriously needs to start wearing thongs!), or her pantry cabinet (how uncool is it that Jenny eats Frosted Flakes for breakfast?  everyone knows the cool people eat Froot Loops!).  Jenny and Todd had their privacy violated in a major way by someone they trust.  i'd never trust that friend again.  ever.  and i would want the OP to tell me about it if i were Jenny.  definitely.

[Brentwood]

Well. My haircut is pretty public. I'd still feel annoyed if a 'friend' took photos of me, without my knowledge, and passed them around other friends for the sole purpose of mocking me.

That's a very good analogy.

[Brentwood]

I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's ever okay to take pictures of your friends' possessions to send to other people for the sole purpose of mocking or making fun. Is that something friends do to each other? Some friend.

[miranova]

Well. My haircut is pretty public. I'd still feel annoyed if a 'friend' took photos of me, without my knowledge, and passed them around other friends for the sole purpose of mocking me.

That's a very good analogy.

I agree.  I would not be amused by anyone taking a photo of something in my home for the sole purpose of mocking it when I trusted them to be in it without me in the first place.

Honestly, I know some people don't like "cutesy" couples but as long as it's not in your face, keep the eye rolls to yourself.  A set of mathcing rings that the couple wears is about as inobtrusive as it gets!  Who cares?!  It makes them happy.  It's not like they are having a plane fly by to skywrite their names every morning and forcing you to watch (all yous general).

[still in va]

I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's ever okay to take pictures of your friends' possessions to send to other people for the sole purpose of mocking or making fun. Is that something friends do to each other? Some friend.

or to resurrect an old saying, "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"

i would want to know if someone i trusted to care for my pet and watch my home while i was out of town felt it was appropriate to take pictures of ANY of my personal possessions for the purpose of making fun of me.  it's a violation of my privacy and of my trust.  and you will no longer be a friend.  i'm also rekeying my doors. 

[WillyNilly]

I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's ever okay to take pictures of your friends' possessions to send to other people for the sole purpose of mocking or making fun. Is that something friends do to each other? Some friend.

Again, I don't think this is a good friend and to me that is the 'crime'. The photo was. Symptom not th problem IMO. To me the problem is that this person is lying o Todd & Jenny about liking Todd & Jenny. Because if she was actually their friend the photo thing wouldn't be malicious and mocking, and therefore it wouldn't be a problem. Or the photo would be malicious and mocking but wouldn't have been taken in their home unbeknownst to them (but rathr while in class or somthing).

[Brentwood]

I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's ever okay to take pictures of your friends' possessions to send to other people for the sole purpose of mocking or making fun. Is that something friends do to each other? Some friend.

Again, I don't think this is a good friend and to me that is the 'crime'. The photo was. Symptom not th problem IMO. To me the problem is that this person is lying o Todd & Jenny about liking Todd & Jenny. Because if she was actually their friend the photo thing wouldn't be malicious and mocking, and therefore it wouldn't be a problem. Or the photo would be malicious and mocking but wouldn't have been taken in their home unbeknownst to them (but rathr while in class or somthing).

If she were their friend, she wouldn't be mocking them far and wide to begin with.  So I don't think the only "crime" was in telling the OP about it; the "crime" was in doing it in the first place.  It was this statement: Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. that I strongly disagree with.

[Allyson]

To be completely honest, if one of my friends took a pic of something in my place, and emailed it to a nonmutual friend and made fun of it, I would really not care. But, bringing it to mutual friends and making a big thing of it would bother me. It would also bother me if someone was making repeated snarky comments about me and obviously didn't like me much, when I thought they did.

So, I'm for telling Jenny after finals, because this seems like something she should know--that her friend doesn't actually like her boyfriend at all, and maybe not her all that much.

I am also slightly bugged by jealousy accusations, just because it seems like it's something everyone jumps to and it's often not true. I am in a very happy relationship and would still eye-roll at some over the top displays. People can not like something without having any motive behind it--if I mock someone's pants, it's not because I secretly want them, and I don't think anyone would immediately think so, so I'm not sure why it's *always* assumed that's the case with PDA.

[Bijou]

Hmm.  This is a ring they wear publically?  If so I don't really see it as a giant violation of trust to take a photo of it.  It's not something secret or private.  I've shared photos with friends before, for example of a friend's engagement ring that I thought was hideous that was posted on Facebook -- sometimes a quick email vent of "Oh goodness gracious this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen" to a friend can help me keep my polite face on in Real Life     I love venting to my far-away friends because I know it won't get back to people in town, so I can do it without worrying.  I'm guessing Friend is similar.

So to me this wouldn't be a huge deal.  I think you handled it well, in making it clear that it bothered you.  In the future, you can tell her that you don't want to hear her make fun of Todd and Jenny, and leave the room if she starts.  But I wouldn't tell Jenny this -- it would likely just upset her, and there's nothing really that Friend is doing wrong in her apartment.  If she were neglecting the cat, or taking photos of something private like underwear that would be different, and I'd say to let Jenny know right away.

Looks to me like Friend is so jealous that she's about to burst.  Classic cover-up.

Friend has too much interest in T & J relationship. The lady doth protest too much. 

It's not always a jealousy thing at all actually.  I love being single but I also make fun of "coupley-ness" and get annoyed by it.  Something like this ring would have me rolling my eyes hardcore.  I've had people accuse me of being jealous but...I'm really not.  At all.  I would never, ever want a relationship like that -- it's not for me in the slightest.

Taking a picture of anything in someone's apartment without their knowledge and permission is clearly a step over the line of trust.  Their apartment is their private space and they allowed her entry only to feed the cat.

[crella]

I think where this "Friend" character mesed up was in showing the OP. And in pretending to be Todd & Jennys friend when she doesn't really like them.

Taking a quick pic of a ring left out in the open on a table and ending it to far away, non-mutual riends to make fun of these people I think was fine. I mean if it had been a picture of a lamp "hey look the people I'm cat sittin for have the leg lamp from A christmas Story!" would it be a violation? I don't think so; No different then a ring left on a table.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's ever okay to take pictures of your friends' possessions to send to other people for the sole purpose of mocking or making fun. Is that something friends do to each other? Some friend.

Agreed. Making fun of them to people far or near, while pretending to be their friend, is just wrong, in my opinion.

[crella]

I stopped having someone housesit for me when she expressed surprise by the fact that I didn't go through her beside table drawers one time when I housesat for her.

Eek...however, the thought crossed my mind that everyone else she'd had housesit for her could have gone through her bedside table drawers and she was sayingyou were the only one who hadn't, not that she thought it was a normal thing to do. I suppose the context of her comment made it clear to you which she meant.

[ettiquit]

I stopped having someone housesit for me when she expressed surprise by the fact that I didn't go through her beside table drawers one time when I housesat for her.

Eek...however, the thought crossed my mind that everyone else she'd had housesit for her could have gone through her bedside table drawers and she was sayingyou were the only one who hadn't, not that she thought it was a normal thing to do. I suppose the context of her comment made it clear to you which she meant.

Oh yeah, I knew what she meant.  The context was that she apologized for anything "weird" I may have come across in the bedside tables. I never want to know what it was that I neglected to find.   

[Slartibartfast]

I stopped having someone housesit for me when she expressed surprise by the fact that I didn't go through her beside table drawers one time when I housesat for her.

Eek...however, the thought crossed my mind that everyone else she'd had housesit for her could have gone through her bedside table drawers and she was sayingyou were the only one who hadn't, not that she thought it was a normal thing to do. I suppose the context of her comment made it clear to you which she meant.

Oh yeah, I knew what she meant.  The context was that she apologized for anything "weird" I may have come across in the bedside tables. I never want to know what it was that I neglected to find.   

Yeah . . . I was catsitting for some friends once and found out a LOT more about their scrabble life than I wanted to know.  (They left a "scrabble board" lying out in the guest bedroom, the doorway of which I had to pass to get to the cats' food bowls . . )  The thing is, I'm SURE they came home and realized I must have seen their "toys," but it took months before my friend and I happened to have a conversation which touched on scrabble and this particular aspect of it enough for us to obliquely say "Did you see something?"  "Yeah, but it's cool, I've got no issues with that type of game in general or you playing it specifically."  "Cool."

[crella]

Oh yeah, I knew what she meant.

Oh boy....having my things looked through would really bother me, I'd never think to open a drawer or closet in someone else's home.