Wait...What???? I'm Absolutely Flabbergasted, New Update #107

[katycoo]

The issue and breach of trust is the purpose for which she took the photo.  Which was to mock.  What a crappy friend.

If she liked the ring, and had told friends about it, and sent the pic to show it off, I wouldn't be overly concerned.  They left it out, and its not especially private as everyone knows about it.

[NyaChan]

OP here,

How attention grabbing are these rings? 

It doesn't really change the etiquette of the situation I'm just curious.

Are they plain bands, with writing on the inside?  Are they huge and bright colored and fit together like old school "best friends" necklaces?

Some times things are attention grabbing on purpose, and some times people go out of their way to find things to pick on.

The rings are just plain gold, nothing flashy.  The only reason I even knew they existed was because Friend made a point of telling me.  The top of the rings basically form the letter T, then a heart, then a J (and then the reverse for the other ring), all in gold, flat on the natural curve of the ring

The picture was a close-up of Friend's palm with the ring sitting on top, nothing else in the apartment could be seen so I don't think there is any security risk here.  Friend had been telling all these friends from out of town about Todd & Jenny and the ring was one of the things that she would mention to them.  I believe she sent the picture to show a physical representation of the ring that she had already been describing to them. 

I don't know how valid a case there is for jealousy here.  Friend does have something of a relationship going, though it is long distance.  I am more concerned that Jenny doesn't realize that when she confides in Friend or just speaks around her, the information is not staying with Friend - it goes to multiple states in the US and to some of Jenny's local friends.  As of yet the information hasn't been anything that I think she wouldn't want me or her other friends to know, but I don't think she realizes the negative spin that Friend puts on it.

As for boundaries for pet-sitting, well...this isn't actually an isolated incident, though the last one was a bit different.  Friend was asked to feed my best friend's (BFF) cat while she was visiting family (I wasn't back from my vacation to do it for her the first 2 days).  Friend and I were hanging out in town and she casually mentions that she has been using BFF's apartment to study every day while she has been gone.  Friend was not just sitting in the main area where BFF entertains friends and the cat stuff was kept for this week, she was going into the study/guest room and using BFF's desk.  She even invited me over to BFF's apartment to play with the cat and study together - I declined.  I asked BFF when she came back if this was the arrangement they had made, because it just seemed odd to me, especially since it seemed inappropriate to invite someone over to someone else's apartment when they weren't there. 

As it turns out, BFF had no idea that Friend had been using her apartment at all let alone inviting someone over to hang out and was both surprised and upset.  Friend had no hesitation in talking about it to me, was very casual in mentioning it, so I think that as far as she is concerned, she didn't do anything out of the ordinary.   

[helixa]

Just out of curiousity, is this the same "friend" who you mentioned in the birthweek thread as making snarky comments?

[Merry Mrs Martin]

Taking a picture of anything in someone's apartment without their knowledge and permission is clearly a step over the line of trust.  Their apartment is their private space and they allowed her entry only to feed the cat.
[/quote]

I was about to say the same thing............ then I thought what if she took a photo of the cat doing something adorable , would I think if I received "I took this photo of my friends cat while I was cat sitting , isn't it the cutest thing ever?" I'm not sure rude would even occur to me.  I'm not sure friends was rude until she talked to OP but that doesn't mean she isn't a meanspirited person I would ever want to be friend with KWIM?

[squashedfrog]

rolling your eyes at overly cutesy friends in a relationship?  Yep I think we've all done it at some point.

Making a comment to a mutual friend in private about it being OTT, yes I can see that. 

Taking a picture of the ring, putting it on line for other people to see and going AHAHAHA!!!HAHAHAHAAAA!!!!  ...weird.  Just weird. 

Far too invested in someone elses relationship, jealousy or no jealousy.  its just really weird behaviour and steps over the line.   If this was my house, I'd want to know, and would probably want to take a step back on the friendship, simply because its odd behaviour.  Its it not jealousy, i'd still think there's some level of bitterness or nastiness going on there.

Incidentally I burned my ring finger on the hob on Sunday and have had to take off my wedding engagement ring while it heals.  I do hope no-one goes into my house, sees them and starts jumping up and down in glee about what this means about my commitment level to my DH.    

Mind, it was an awesome bacon sammich and totally worth it.  Bacon battle scar.

[still in va]

OP, with the additional information in post #46, it's pretty obvious that Friend has absolutely no sense of boundaries. 

if i had this information, i'd be moving Friend to acquaintance status pretty quickly, and never tell her anything that i didn't want 50 of her dearest friends to know about. it's that principle that if she's talking about a mutual friend to me behind their back, she's probably talking about me to someone else behind mine.

i'd also never ask her to care for my home while i was out of town, or give her an "emergency" key. you already know of two instances, from her own mouth, where she has massively overstepped.

oh yes, and tell Jenny about what happened. 

[ettiquit]

I was about to say the same thing............ then I thought what if she took a photo of the cat doing something adorable , would I think if I received "I took this photo of my friends cat while I was cat sitting , isn't it the cutest thing ever?" I'm not sure rude would even occur to me.  I'm not sure friends was rude until she talked to OP but that doesn't mean she isn't a meanspirited person I would ever want to be friend with KWIM?

Ok, I wouldn't care if someone took a pic of my cat being cute while housesitting, although I think I'd prefer that they send the picture to me as well. 

But this is a good point, because there's a definite grey area here.

[lady_disdain]

I was about to say the same thing............ then I thought what if she took a photo of the cat doing something adorable , would I think if I received "I took this photo of my friends cat while I was cat sitting , isn't it the cutest thing ever?" I'm not sure rude would even occur to me.  I'm not sure friends was rude until she talked to OP but that doesn't mean she isn't a meanspirited person I would ever want to be friend with KWIM?

Ok, I wouldn't care if someone took a pic of my cat being cute while housesitting, although I think I'd prefer that they send the picture to me as well. 

But this is a good point, because there's a definite grey area here.

The perfect way would be to send the picture to the owner and say something like "see how cute Fluffy is! Do you mind if I share this photo with friends?"

[567Kate]

I was about to say the same thing............ then I thought what if she took a photo of the cat doing something adorable , would I think if I received "I took this photo of my friends cat while I was cat sitting , isn't it the cutest thing ever?" I'm not sure rude would even occur to me.  I'm not sure friends was rude until she talked to OP but that doesn't mean she isn't a meanspirited person I would ever want to be friend with KWIM?

Ok, I wouldn't care if someone took a pic of my cat being cute while housesitting, although I think I'd prefer that they send the picture to me as well. 

But this is a good point, because there's a definite grey area here.

The perfect way would be to send the picture to the owner and say something like "see how cute Fluffy is! Do you mind if I share this photo with friends?"

I also feel like it's different to take a picture of the cat since you're there specifically to take care of the cat. You obviously will be paying attention to the cat. That seems different to me than snooping around their possessions to take a picture. (I get that the ring was out in the open, but I still feel like people should keep up the pretense of not looking through other people's stuff when doing a favor like this.)

[LadyJaneinMD]

The friend was rude to take the picture and laugh about it with her friends.  I see that as a violation.  A minor one, but still a violation.

Now...that reminded me of another story.  I once went away for 4 days, and asked a friend to come look in on my cat for those days.  She AND HER FAMILY(complete with dog!) moved right into my apartment(!) for all four days!! They used my kitchen and bathroom and slept in my bed!   I thought we were friends, but not quite to this extent.  Granted, they left everything clean, but still......*shudder*  Before I could unpack and settle in, I had to change the sheets on my bed.  I was so squicked out.

I never asked her to watch my cat again.

[gramma dishes]

^^^  Four days of no utility bills for them!  Nice.  Did they also raid your refrigerator?  Use up all your toilet paper? 
Good grief!  Talk about taking advantage!  Hope you weren't paying her anything to feed your cat.  And I hope your cat and their dog came to some sort of agreement that they would not harass each other for the four days they were forced to spend together.

[LadyJaneinMD]

^^^  Four days of no utility bills for them!  Nice.  Did they also raid your refrigerator?  Use up all your toilet paper? 
Good grief!  Talk about taking advantage!  Hope you weren't paying her anything to feed your cat.  And I hope your cat and their dog came to some sort of agreement that they would not harass each other for the four days they were forced to spend together.

My cat was bigger(with sharper claws) than their dog, so they came to an agreement REALLY FAST.   It was quite disconcerting, though, to walk in and find the whole family there.  Very, very weird.  These people had few boundaries, if any.   At least my apartment was clean.   I did some sewing for the daughter in payment for the cat-sitting.  It was what we agreed on previously.

[NyaChan]

Just out of curiousity, is this the same "friend" who you mentioned in the birthweek thread as making snarky comments?

Actually it was! haha ok I guess I didn't do as good a job at obscuring her identity as I thought I did. 

The friend was rude to take the picture and laugh about it with her friends.  I see that as a violation.  A minor one, but still a violation.

Now...that reminded me of another story.  I once went away for 4 days, and asked a friend to come look in on my cat for those days.  She AND HER FAMILY(complete with dog!) moved right into my apartment(!) for all four days!! They used my kitchen and bathroom and slept in my bed!   I thought we were friends, but not quite to this extent.  Granted, they left everything clean, but still......*shudder*  Before I could unpack and settle in, I had to change the sheets on my bed.  I was so squicked out.

I never asked her to watch my cat again.

Wow. Just wow.  I would be incredibly creeped out by this.  I can't imagine how it must have felt to walk in the door and be like  "Oh dear...hello Friend and...Friend's entire family...? Did you enjoy your stay?"

[NutMeg]

I would feel incredibly violated if I asked someone to come into my home while I was not there, and found out that they had taken pictures of my belongings and shared them with others for the purpose of mocking me. Actually, I would feel violated regardless of the purpose. I am very private and I do not like others in my private spaces if at all possible. There are very few people who I would be comfortable with having in my home if I was not there.

Couples *love* to jump to that defense, but sometimes people don't like that stuff because...they don't like it.  For me, it doesn't change when I'm in a relationship -- it's still not my thing.  I don't wear matching stuff, I don't let guys feed me fries, I don't kiss in public -- it's just not for me. 

That's me! SO is very touchy-feely, so he was pretty surprised to learn that I am, but only in private. If we are in the presence of another person, I do not want to kiss beyond a quick peck to say hello/goodbye, have a long lingering hug, etc. I am ok with hand holding or arm in arm if we are walking somewhere, and that's about it! I'm fine if other people do those things (to a certain extent), but it is not for me.

Funny, I think there is a theme here...

[jedikaiti]

I was about to say the same thing............ then I thought what if she took a photo of the cat doing something adorable , would I think if I received "I took this photo of my friends cat while I was cat sitting , isn't it the cutest thing ever?" I'm not sure rude would even occur to me.  I'm not sure friends was rude until she talked to OP but that doesn't mean she isn't a meanspirited person I would ever want to be friend with KWIM?

Ok, I wouldn't care if someone took a pic of my cat being cute while housesitting, although I think I'd prefer that they send the picture to me as well. 

But this is a good point, because there's a definite grey area here.

I would probably take the pic for the purpose of sending it to the human, probably with a cutesy message from the cat along the lines of "I miss you, but JK is being an acceptable servant in your absence. Have fun!"