Author Topic: iphones for Christmas  (Read 5883 times)

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kdbug

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iphones for Christmas
« on: December 13, 2011, 01:49:27 PM »
Okay....so I am dating a new guy that I really, really like. I could go on forever about all his great qualities, but I wont. I will just say he is a really awesome guy and I feel very lucky right now.

I have a cell phone that is a total piece of crap and I am always complaining about it in one way or another. It drops calls, turns itself off, mutes conversations, sends things to the wrong people...etc. I hate it. My BF knows this and he has offered to buy me a new phone for Christmas. He has an iphone in mind and has asked me to pick between the iphone 4 and the iphone 4S.

I have always been really weird about people spending money on me. I love to buy people things, but when people do the same for me I feel a weird sense of guilt. I know this is a stupid personal issue, I don't know why it is there, and it is something that I have to work past.

Here's the thing, I know that these are both expensive phones. But I also know that he wouldn't offer if he didn't have the money to do this. He wants me to pick and given the choice OF COURSE I would want the 4s! But considering it's a gift I feel like I should tell him the 4 simply because it is the least expensive one and choosing the 4s would come across as greedy. I would never spend this kind of money on a phone for myself, so the thought of him even doing it is a big deal to begin with....am I reading to much into this? It's causing me an awful lot of anxiety and I know that he wouldn't want that. Should I just tell him what I really want and consider myself truly blessed? HELP?  ???

Judah

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2011, 02:02:13 PM »
I would be uncomfortable with someone I wasn't engaged to spending that kind of money on me.  And don't forget, he may be springing for the phone, but are willing to pay the monthly bill for a smart phone?
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Donovan

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2011, 03:08:33 PM »
How 'new' is new guy?

bah12

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2011, 03:43:07 PM »
Are you uncomfortable only because of the cost or does the status of the relationship have anything to do with it?  In other words, if your parents decided to buy you an iphone, or spend a similar amount of money on a Christmas gift for you, would you feel this uncomfortable?

For me, I would feel uncomfortable having an SO spend a significant amount of money on me if the relationship wasn't all that serious yet.  I don't know how long you've been dating, but if it's a somewhat new thing then there's nothig wrong with telling him that you think the phone is too much for this Christmas.  That doesn't mean as things get more serious, the type and cost of gifts you exchange won't change.  To put it in perspective, I'm so close to my DH that I would have no problem telling him the more expensive phone if that's what I really wanted, but when we first started dating, I would have been more congizant of the cost and wouldn't have wanted the gift at all, much less the more expensive option.

So, I think that you need to decide why you are uncomfortable.  If it's purely a money thing and regardless of how deep the relationship is or how committed it is, you will always feel this way, then I say you can accept the gift after a heart to heart with this guy.  If, however, the discomfort is really about how new the relationship is, then I think you should also have a heart to heart, but more of how you need more time to grow the relationship before you would be comfortable enough accepting gifts that pricey.

kdbug

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2011, 03:53:25 PM »
It's a serious relationship.

When he first brought up the idea of a new phone I was adamant that it was too much, he was adamant that with the amount of traveling I do I needed a phone that was dependable. This is an argument that he won.

I have always and will always feel odd about people spending money on me. Period. Even if it's just a fountain drink at the local Sonic.

USC1972

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2011, 03:57:10 PM »
   Is he offering to pay for an iPhone, or an iPhone and the monthly contract with required data plan?  I think whether or not you are comfortable accepting a pricey gift depends a lot on just how new, "new" is, and what standards have already been set for gifts.  (If there isn't a precedent because this is the first gift-giving occasion, then yes, I think it's too early for an iPhone.)

   If it is an iPhone and the monthly service, I would not be okay accepting a relatively expensive and ongoing gift from someone I was only dating.  I think signing a contract with or accepting a gift with such implications from in a new dating relationship can be extremely complicated.

Some things to think about:

Whose name will the contract be in?

- If it's in your name and you break up, can you afford to assume the monthly bill?  Is that something you would want to pay for if it wasn't being offered as a gift?

- If it's in his name and you break up, will you be okay giving up the phone, your number, apps and data you may have stored on the phone, etc.

- If it's in your name or both names, and something goes wrong (break up/job loss/whatever) do you have a way to make sure you can see the bills and keep up with them so they don't go to collections and hurt your credit?

- You say he's a good guy, but you also say he's new.  Are you sure you're okay with him having access to all the numbers you call, your text messages, and other information available through the bill?

- Also remember to discuss paying for extras: data overage fees, texting, out of country calls, ...

The iPhone 5 rumors are speculating mid-2012.  Is is something you would consider waiting for?
« Last Edit: December 13, 2011, 04:21:59 PM by USC1972 »

QueenofAllThings

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2011, 04:11:05 PM »
Go with the IPhone 4. The only real difference is Siri, and do you really, really need to talk to your phone?  ;)

kdbug

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2011, 04:18:13 PM »
When I say "new" I mean new since that last time I posted about a man on here. It's been a while and we are serious.

I already have a contract for a smart phone. It is in my name and I pay the bill. All his gift would be is the phone itself. Nothing more. He wouldn't have access to anything that I did not give him access too.

Squeaks

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2011, 04:20:48 PM »
I would not jump to feeling greedy to ask for the nicer one. . . . many a people who are fans of products prefer to give the better versions anyway.

But to ease your conscience do some research on the two, the pros and cons and reasons why someone would get the nicer one.  If there is anything about the newer one that is better for you, you can with a clear conscience say "I like the 4s because . . ." 

One thing to keep in mind and think about is long term compatibility.  If you tend to keep phones a long time, the newer one might be worth it as it might last longer/remain current longer.  That is not an invalid reason for going for the nicer one. 

But as a compromise what I personally would do is say "Can we wait and see if the 4s goes on sale right after the holidays and still call in my Christmas gift?"  I would rather get the better phone a month late at a better price than either under the tree. . . . but I am cheep. 


diesel_darlin

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2011, 04:22:37 PM »
Does his gift necessarily have to be an iphone? Would it make you feel better to get an android device that may be cheaper?

Im like you. I love that people are so generous to me, but I always try to be the givER instead of the givEE.  ;D


And as Im typing, Squeaks says what Im trying to say. Only better.  ;)

ilrag

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2011, 04:23:00 PM »
I would be honest, if you want the iphone 4S, then tell him.

Look at it this way, he's clearly comfortable buying either for you.

I'm one of thoes people that when I'm shopping for my self or my husband or some one I'm close to I'd way rather spend the extra X dollars to have it be the good one.  If the 4 is 300 bucks and the 4s is 400 (just pulling numbers out of the air), would you like him to spend 300 bucks on not exactly what you want?

kdbug

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2011, 04:25:18 PM »
Something has struck a nerve and I would like to point it out- It isn't always such a good idea to judge the seriousness of a relationship on whither the couple is engaged/married or only dating. There are many people that do not believe in the tradition of marriage and even if they are only "dating" their partner they are every bit as serious about each other and the relationship as a married couple.

I don't believe that any offence was meant, and I take blame for my usage of the word "new". I just made this mistake once with a coworker and I unintentionally offended her quite a lot. She and her boyfriend had been together for 10+ years. They were fully committed, they just weren't married.  ;)

kdbug

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2011, 04:31:38 PM »
Jeeze, I should also say that I more than really like this guy. I have fallen for someone that is totally a.w.e.s.o.m.e!  ;D (And if feels goooood.)

bah12

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2011, 04:32:52 PM »
This is a serious, committed relationship, and he wants to buy you something that  he can afford, you need and he knows you will love.  To top it off, it's something that you would never buy for yourself.  I think it's sweet.  You'd do the same for him.

I get that you are uncomfortable with people spending money on you, but a fact of life, especially when it comes to people we are especially close to and love, is that money is spent.  It's more about him having the opportunity to make you really happy, then you getting expensive gifts.  Look at it from his perspective.  Would you feel bad if you had the perfect gift in mind for him and he told you that while he wanted it, he didn't want you to get it for him?  Or if you found out later than he didn't pick what he really wanted?  If you think of it in terms of how he feels, maybe it will make this easier for you (idk).

You need the phone, he's offering to get it as a Christmas gift.  You'd prefer the 4s, which happens to be a choice, so I say pick the one you want and enjoy it!

diesel_darlin

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Re: iphones for Christmas
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2011, 04:35:52 PM »
Something has struck a nerve and I would like to point it out- It isn't always such a good idea to judge the seriousness of a relationship on whither the couple is engaged/married or only dating. There are many people that do not believe in the tradition of marriage and even if they are only "dating" their partner they are every bit as serious about each other and the relationship as a married couple.

I don't believe that any offence was meant, and I take blame for my usage of the word "new". I just made this mistake once with a coworker and I unintentionally offended her quite a lot. She and her boyfriend had been together for 10+ years. They were fully committed, they just weren't married.  ;)



I was with my now DH for right around 3 weeks when I bought him a 200$ pair of Tony Llama steel toed workboots.(Im glad I did cuz now that we are married we could never afford them ;D) This is YOUR relationship. Give/take gifts as YOU TWO feel comfy with!  I know people that have been together for what seems like forever with no intention of getting married.