Author Topic: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?  (Read 9259 times)

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Seraphia

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #15 on: December 14, 2011, 12:07:48 PM »
FWIW, one of my best friends has CP. She may be a bit kooky (why else would we be friends? :)), but that's her, not her disorder. She's not a saint for having CP, and neither is Ex-GF.  Ex-GF needs to be told ONCE to stop calling, and then BF needs to stop answering. He's not doing her or you any favors by putting up with her cutsey, territory-staking phone calls, and he's not being rude by telling her they need to stop.

If I had to guess, I'd say she's absolutely calling on purpose, especially if he's told her you're coming over. What better way to interfere with an Ex's new relationship than to have the new GF hearing "I wuv you!" coming from the answering machine in another woman's voice?

ETA: Just saw your update. Good. You may need to brace for escalation from her, but he's done the right thing.
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Lorelei_Evil

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #16 on: December 14, 2011, 12:08:57 PM »
A while?

This girl seems to think they're still in a relationship, not friends.  Friends may not be possible, even in "a while". 

sisbam

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #17 on: December 14, 2011, 12:13:16 PM »
CP can affect mental abilities, but what the ex-GF is doing is inappropriate period - disability notwithstanding.

It is up to your BF to establish and maintain boundaries. Other posters have given good examples as to wording.

WhiteTigerCub

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #18 on: December 14, 2011, 01:03:41 PM »
He needs to change his phone number and not give her the new one. What she is doing seems stalky and creepy.  :-\

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snugglegirl05

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2011, 01:38:55 PM »
From what I understand from him & his friends, his ex-girlfriend was calling him & leaving these types of messges long before I came into the picture. She would call him over & over & leave a message on his answering machine stating "I love you" almost daily. Then I came into the picture, & he let her know that he has a girlfriend, but she did not stop leaving these messages.

WillyNilly

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2011, 01:51:31 PM »
This to me is a hill to die on.  Straight up I'd tell him he needs to actually break up with his ex, and after he does then he can call me, but until then, buh-bye. 

Because no, apparently he hasn't broken up with her - he still talks to her regularly and he seemingly receives her messages of love and her usage of terms like "baby" without complaint or any effort to stop them.  The romantic ties have not been broken; he has not fully broken up.

Its nice to be friends with an ex you get along with.  But not all ex's can be friends.  He needs to determine if the two of them can transition in to friendship (sounds like she can't) and either do it (because they are not there now, now they are some weird not quite going out but certainly there is still a very strong romantic bond, at least in one direction still intact) or just break off all contact.

gramma dishes

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2011, 01:51:55 PM »
From what I understand from him & his friends, his ex-girlfriend was calling him & leaving these types of messges long before I came into the picture. She would call him over & over & leave a message on his answering machine stating "I love you" almost daily. Then I came into the picture, & he let her know that he has a girlfriend, but she did not stop leaving these messages.

I'm glad you said this, because I was envisioning him telling her he had "company" without specifying what kind of company perhaps making her think more along the lines of "the guys are over and we're drinking beer and playing poker".

Clearly she knows it's you that's there, not just some random friends.  And just as clearly she is trying desperately to hang on to what they may have once had (even if only in her mind).  She's reminding him that she still "loves" him and is also intentionally making you quite aware that (again in HER mind) she's still very much a part of his daily life.

If your boyfriend is serious, he'll make good on his word and refuse to answer any more phone calls.  In fact, it would be better yet if he could block her calls altogether if that's possible. 

I think he has to make sure she understands that this 'friendship' is really over.  As long as he is willing to communicate with her in any way she's going to view it as a ray of hope.

Bibliophile

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2011, 02:27:08 PM »
My boyfriend called me a while ago to let me know that he called this ex-girlfriend & let her know that they cannot be friends for a while.

So he left it open ended thus encouraging her further.  He needs to just break it off if he's not interested in a friendship.  It's never an easy conversation, but that's part of being an adult.

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snugglegirl05

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2011, 02:39:09 PM »
He just let me know that he told his ex-girlfriend that they can no longer be friends...period.

Now I will have to wait & see what happens next.

gramma dishes

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2011, 02:42:32 PM »
He just let me know that he told his ex-girlfriend that they can no longer be friends...period.

Now I will have to wait & see what happens next.

Did he happen to mention her reaction?

jmarvellous

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2011, 02:55:31 PM »
He just let me know that he told his ex-girlfriend that they can no longer be friends...period.

Now I will have to wait & see what happens next.

Did he happen to mention her reaction?

By 11:30 he called her to tell her they won't be friends for a while, and sometime between then and 1:30 he called her to tell her they can't be friends ever?

Am I missing something on the timeline?

I am also curious about her reaction. And what did you say to your boyfriend all of the sudden to make this an urgent issue?

Teenyweeny

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #26 on: December 14, 2011, 05:38:14 PM »
OP, if I were you, I'd check that he was telling you the truth, not just what you want to hear. The actions you describe don't sound likely from the timescale.



gramma dishes

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #27 on: December 14, 2011, 06:09:09 PM »
I interpreted the OP to mean that she understood him to have told the other girl that they couldn't be friends for "a while", but what he had really told her was they couldn't be friends any more -- period.

snugglegirl05

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #28 on: December 14, 2011, 09:03:00 PM »
I interpreted the OP to mean that she understood him to have told the other girl that they couldn't be friends for "a while", but what he had really told her was they couldn't be friends any more -- period.
I did missinterpret what he said. He did tell me that whenever she would call him, he would mention me by name & that I am his girlfriend.

LEMon

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Re: How do you politely deal with an ex-girlfriend who has cerebral palsy?
« Reply #29 on: December 14, 2011, 11:18:05 PM »
You and he both need to understand that she most likely will call and will keep calling till he answers.  She will be trying to find out what she has to do to get the what she wants back.  How many calls before he answers?  And everytime he answers, even to tell her to stop, she wins and the cutting her off starts all over again. 

You might want to talk through with him what he will do if ... make up some scenarios to talk through.  Get him to realize that she may ramp it up and really become a pest.  She may wait a bit, then call out of the blue.  She may call from other phones.  She may try to involve others.  He knows the situation best.

He may need to use caller id for a while and not answer any calls from unknown numbers.

She has held on to this for "years" so she likely will not let go easily.  He has allowed this for "years" and has feelings about the whole situation he needs to face (could be fear of being the bad guy, easier to just go along with it, actually feels good to be this needed, ...)