She left 2 messages on his answering machine the last time I was there. She also called. He answered the phone, & when I heard her voice, he hung up. He ended up sending her an e-mail to tell her stop calling.
That needs to be the absolute last communication he ever makes with her. Full stop. If she calls, he does not answer. If she emails, he does not respond. What your boyfriend needs to understand is that contact telling her to leave him alone is still contact
. And that is what she wants- at this point, she doesn't care about what the communication says, she just wants the communication
. Also, his words do not match his actions- he keeps saying "Don't contact me, we need to stop speaking," and then he contacts or speaks with her
. Bottom line- he needs to stop talking to her, even if all he is saying is "Stop talking to me."
Once he cuts contact with her- really, truly stops talking to her- her behavior will get worse for a bit. The frequency of calls and emails will go up. She will try even harder to get his attention. This is normal
. It's called an extinction burst, and it happens with both people and animals when a behavior that has previously gotten results starts being ignored. What you have to do is not cave
to the extinction burst. Wait. it. out.
I cannot stress this enough. Her behavior will escalate but you and your boyfriend Must. Not. Respond.
Period. At all. Ever. That is the only
way she will get the message. It may take a while, but if you continue to engage her- even if only to tell her to leave you alone- it will take even longer, and will likely never happen at all.
This gets thrown around a lot as a recommendation, but in this instance, I really would advise you to read The Gift of Fear
, or at least the chapter dealing with persistent people. And remember: DO. NOT. RESPOND.
Tattoo that on your forehead, if you need to. Write it in letters of fire on your soul. Needlepoint it on a pillow and spray paint it on your wall. But DO NOT RESPOND.