Author Topic: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?  (Read 5222 times)

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Addy

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2011, 04:18:11 AM »
Ceallach, I read the OP's first, and especially second post differently.

She didn't say that her SO could make the decision, she said that he should make it. I think she made it clear that she wasn't ok with him breaking their plans. He seemed to be dithering, beating around the bush, and trying to get her to "give him permission"

So while the OP may not have been communicating 100% effectively, I don't think it's fair to say that her SO was "blind-sided" as he seems to have some trouble with clear communication himself, and it seems that he knew she was unhappy with the situation.

miranova

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #31 on: December 22, 2011, 04:08:46 PM »
The BF's parents should ask before expecting him to be here.

However.

If I were the BF's parents and I had family coming into town that never had a chance to see us or our son, I don't think it would be wrong of me to ask my son if he wouldn't mind changing his plans this one time.  Of course I would be willing to have the GF over as well, or at the very least I hope my son would have the good grace to make sure the plan was ok with his GF and make it up to her in some way.  But I do agree with someone who said that a lot of SO's eat dinner together often enough that it doesn't really seem like such an egregious thing to think that maybe they'd be ok changing their dinner plans to accommodate a special occassion. 

It all depends on how it was done and whether or not it truly is rare or they try it all the time.

If it's rare, my advice would be to be accomodating this one time and be the one to offer a solution or compromise because obviously this is a special occassion.  If it happens all the time, then BF needs to move out and become more independent.

Ceallach

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2011, 04:35:38 PM »
Ceallach, I read the OP's first, and especially second post differently.

She didn't say that her SO could make the decision, she said that he should make it. I think she made it clear that she wasn't ok with him breaking their plans. He seemed to be dithering, beating around the bush, and trying to get her to "give him permission"

So while the OP may not have been communicating 100% effectively, I don't think it's fair to say that her SO was "blind-sided" as he seems to have some trouble with clear communication himself, and it seems that he knew she was unhappy with the situation.

I agree, it's a communication issue on both sides of the relationship, certainly not just the OP.   They need to work on that together.
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Iris

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2011, 09:47:40 PM »
If these family friends are sooooo interested in BF that he just HAS to be there, then surely they would be interested to meet his girlfriend.

Something seems a bit off here to me with bf's family. That may be an interesting assumption, but my hinky meter is going off a little.

In general though I do agree that there needs to be clearer communication on both sides. *shrug* That's a mistake many of us make early in relationships, so that part of it doesn't set off the meter.
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bopper

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #34 on: January 03, 2012, 08:28:30 AM »
I think I might say "I have already bought the ingredients for the meal and was really looking foward to this. If it was so important that you attend this dinner with your family, why didn't your parents check with you first that the day was free?"

cheyne

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Re: Cancelling plans within a rel[color=black]ationship[/color] - rude?
« Reply #35 on: January 03, 2012, 01:47:05 PM »
From the OP she states that her SO wants to attend this dinner.  He is feeling guilty about breaking plans with her.  His parents assumed he'd be there and just stated that the friends were coming to see SO and his sister.  SO trying to break his plans with OP is rude etiquette-wise, since OP and SO already had plans.

From a rel@tionship standpoint, boy do I have a lot of questions.  How old is SO?  Why is it "not an option" for OP to join the family for dinner?  How long have OP and SO been d@ting?  And since this is an old thread, how did it turn out?