Is it rude to change up traditional holiday family meal?

[MrTango]

I don't think she's rude.  She's the host and as such, she gets to choose the menu.

On the other hand, I don't think it would be rude for the rest of the family to decide that (due to her break with tradition) they will not allow her to host again...

[Sterling]

It isn't rude but it is bound to make for an unhappy family and most likely she won't be allowed to host agian.

In my family we have certian dishes and we each are responcible for them each year.  I always make the corn casserole and the sweet potatos and a Kentucky Derby pie for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  This year I have add a vegan dressing as well because one of my new inlaws who I bring with me doesn't eat meat.  My sister also tried to make as many of the sides gluten free since her soon to be DIL can't eat it.

We still watch football in the backround even though my father is gone.

This is tradition and there would be real h*ll to pay if someone decided for the rest of us that we wouldn't do it that way anymore. That person would no longer be allowed to host.

[Just Lori]

Holiday traditions can range from casual to sacred.  Casual traditions are usually flexible, while the sacred traditions carry much more importance.

If a specific meal is more of a sacred tradition than a casual tradition, then I'd ask the rest of the partcipants before I'd change anything.  In our family, the meal's very much a secondary part of the Christmas celebration, so the hostess chooses the menu.  On the other hand, the Thanksgiving turkey is an automatic "must have," and anyone who would like to serve duck instead would first want to talk to the others.

It sounds like the family in the OP places significant importance on the Christmas dinner menu, so I think the hostess shoudl try to accommodate those items, even if she asks others to contribute.

[katycoo]

I think that traditions of food are, to me, not dealbreakers, or that important to me.

I tink people should give the new meal a go.  Next year, if SIL offers to repeat them meal, someone else can volunteer to host, or someone can say "Yes, but I really missed the gravy last year.  i just find it makes my biscuits perfect.  Can I please bring some to share with those who want it?"

[Venus193]

No; it's not rude to revise a traditional holiday meal.  In fact -- for reasons mentioned throughout this thread -- it is often necessary.

Tradition is not sacred to everyone and if a host in a rotating hosting arrangement like this feels like making his/her meal more distinctive instead of the same thing every year, I don't see rudeness here.

I will take religious dietary issues, allergies, and the most severe aversions into consideration, but otherwise don't try to dictate my menu.