Author Topic: I am sure this has happened to you before...  (Read 9956 times)

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josieh

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I am sure this has happened to you before...
« on: December 20, 2011, 03:10:02 PM »

I don't think this is something that's only happened to me but I never saw it coming until it happened.

When I was chatting with my bf today, he accidentally called me his ex's name. I can't say I am super mad because he apologized right away. He looked me in the eye and sincerely apologized. I know they won't be back together because she passed away but I can't help but keep thinking about it.

How did you deal with this situation when it happened to you?

jmarvellous

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2011, 03:14:54 PM »
seethed a little privately and told him calmly, later, "Please try a bit harder to think before you speak. I'm sure you understand why it bothers me to be called someone else's name, especially that person's."

So far it has only happened once.

TurtleDove

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2011, 03:15:11 PM »
Oh, the awkward!  I think given the way your BF handled the fallout you have nothing to worry about.  In your situation it appears to be more a sense of habit, much like how a mother might call her child by the wrong name, obviously not because she does not know who her child is but because it was a rote force of habit where her mouth worked before her brain did.

Surianne

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2011, 03:32:36 PM »
Sounds like you both handled it well -- he apologized, and you accepted the apology without further drama.  It's something that happens, people slip up, I wouldn't see it as an issue at all.  (My father constantly calls me by the dog's name.  Some people are just...not so good with names.)


gramma dishes

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2011, 03:37:57 PM »
I think in your case it might be just a teeny bit more difficult because since you know she has passed away, YOUR brain might be thinking "Gee, he really loved her and would still be with her if she hadn't died.  He's still thinking about her ... etc."

I can almost assure you that that isn't the case.  It's just a name that he said often at one time in his life and it just popped out.  He knew who he was talking to. 

I'm guilty of calling my own children by each other's names (and even occasionally the dog's name).  It just happens.  The brain is thinking hard about what it wants to say and the "easy stuff"  -- names you're most familiar with -- doesn't get thought about so hard so sometimes the wrong one just sort of falls out of  your mouth.  :(

Knitterly

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2011, 03:43:30 PM »
I called my husband by my sister's name once.  It was extremely, EXTREMELY embarrassing.   :-[

I agree with gramma dishes.  It's just a name that he said very often at one point in his life.

ilrag

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2011, 03:49:26 PM »
That's happened to me before.  It just happens that we have names that are fairly similar? 

My husband's ex's name is the same name as my aunt. My entire life my mom and grandmother have subbed my aunt's name for each other. Even his phone when he voice dails "Call (me)" it says "Dialing (ex)".

He hasn't done it in years but I didn't take it personally.

ydpubs

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2011, 03:55:28 PM »
Eh, that really wouldn't bug me, especially if he were with his ex for a long time.

The only time it would be really weird is if the name were said during... uhm, you know, scrabble.  ;D :o
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Twik

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2011, 03:56:26 PM »
My mother has repeatedly called me "Rosie".

Rosie was our dog.

It happens. It doesn't mean anything other than a freak misset of neural wiring.
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exitzero

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2011, 03:57:07 PM »
My brother called his current wife by his ex-wife's name once.

When he was making a speech at his daughter's wedding, in front of 200 guests.

And his ex was there.


gramma dishes

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2011, 03:58:40 PM »
My brother called his current wife by his ex-wife's name once.

When he was making a speech at his daughter's wedding, in front of 200 guests.

And his ex was there.


Ooo ... ouch!  :-\

josieh

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2011, 04:00:44 PM »
I think in your case it might be just a teeny bit more difficult because since you know she has passed away, YOUR brain might be thinking "Gee, he really loved her and would still be with her if she hadn't died.  He's still thinking about her ... etc."

That's exactly how I feel even before this happened.  Just when I am about to get over it, something comes up and it reminds me of their relationship all over again. It's a cycle I am trying to end.... :-\

Judah

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2011, 04:01:16 PM »
My mother has repeatedly called me "Rosie".

Rosie was our dog.

It happens. It doesn't mean anything other than a freak misset of neural wiring.

I do this to my son all the time  ::)  Poor kid.
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Surianne

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2011, 04:01:56 PM »
My mother has repeatedly called me "Rosie".

Rosie was our dog.

It happens. It doesn't mean anything other than a freak misset of neural wiring.

Our dog is named Bozo (which my dad has called me more than once).  At least you get called a pretty name  ;D

TurtleDove

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2011, 04:05:33 PM »
That's exactly how I feel even before this happened.  Just when I am about to get over it, something comes up and it reminds me of their relationship all over again. It's a cycle I am trying to end.... :-\

I don't know the facts of your situation, but in a general sense, one way to look at this is a positive for your SO -- he would still be with his previous SO if she had not died, which means he is stable and faithful and thinks longterm.  He cannot be with his previous SO and has moved on with you.  That does not mean he did not love his previous SO.  I actually think it is a good thing that my current SOs have loved previous SOs. It shows an ability to take relationships seriously and to commit to one person.