Author Topic: I am sure this has happened to you before...  (Read 9952 times)

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twoferrets

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2011, 10:08:11 AM »
The boyfriend & I have an assortment of small nieces and nephews, and I've realized I'm going to spend the rest of my life calling the two youngest boys by each other's names.  Even though I'm reasonably sure which one belongs to my brother and which one belongs to bf's!

WillyNilly

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #31 on: December 22, 2011, 11:03:18 AM »
OP, as you guessed and as you see from responses, yes its happened to many of us before.  I know I'm guilty of it - not 6 months ago I referred to my DF by my ex's name.  I didn't even notice I did it.  And I can assure you I am very much over my ex and very much in love with my DF.  It was simply a "brain fart".

Dear Abby actually ran a letter on this issue years ago and had a Dr or some sort of expert weigh in and really has to do with how our brains are wired, and really isn't anything personal.  We form brain synapses and names are often associated with them, and while its easy for our brain to form these connections, its much harder for our brains to disband them, so slip ups occur.

As for weighing in on the parents thing - my grandma used to go through both my dad and my aunt's name, then my two cousin's names, then my brother's name before landing on mine when I was acting up: Jim-Eile-Kath-Mar-Ben-WILLY!  I've actually always assumed that's why so many parents make a point of saying a kids whole name (first middle last) when yelling at the kid, because its more distinct difference and therefore less likely to slip up.

gramma dishes

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2011, 11:36:11 AM »
I've actually always assumed that's why so many parents make a point of saying a kids whole name (first middle last) when yelling at the kid, because its more distinct difference and therefore less likely to slip up.

Oh!  So that's why we do that! 

My kids say they could always gauge how angry I was with them by the number of names they had.  ;D

One name:  everything's gonna' be okay
Two names:  uh-oh, this is a little more serious
All three names:  I'm doomed

Firecat

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2011, 01:04:14 PM »
I've actually always assumed that's why so many parents make a point of saying a kids whole name (first middle last) when yelling at the kid, because its more distinct difference and therefore less likely to slip up.

Oh!  So that's why we do that! 

My kids say they could always gauge how angry I was with them by the number of names they had.  ;D

One name:  everything's gonna' be okay
Two names:  uh-oh, this is a little more serious
All three names:  I'm doomed

My mother definitely ascribed to the theory that children have middle names so they know when they're REALLY in trouble. And my grandparents in particular had a habit of calling - or starting to call - me by my youngest aunt's name, especially if she wasn't there at the time.

My DH was married before; his first wife also passed away, so OP, I particularly empathize with you. I'd be upset, in your situation. Oddly, I don't think my DH has ever called me by his first wife's name, but he has once or twice referred to her by my name.

It would be hard not to have hurt feelings if he had called me her name, although I know it would be accidental. I don't know that I have any real advice other than to try to assume that it was a mistake and move on.

Bibliophile

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2011, 01:10:26 PM »
I've accidentally told my boss "Love ya" when hanging up the phone out of habit.  I've also called my dog by my cat's name and called my husband the wrong name...  Things like this happen.  I wouldn't get upset over it.

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amylouky

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2011, 02:00:40 PM »
I was standing next to a co-worker's desk once (her name was Connie), waiting for her to go to lunch. The office phone at the desk next to hers rang, so I picked it up, and answered, "XX business, this is Connie.."  My name is not Connie. It happens sometimes, I think it was just an honest misfire and it sounds like your DH handled it very well.

My MIL used to get my name mixed up with the wife of a family friend.. which did start to bug me after a while because our names are nothing alike, and this woman was absolutely the most obnoxious person I have ever met in my life. She could probably have an e-hell category all to herself.  So, I just started calling MIL by the name of HER mil (who she despised) as a joke.. eventually she caught on.   ;D

Editeer

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #36 on: December 22, 2011, 02:26:48 PM »
I'm the youngest of 4 children, and the youngest in the entire extended family. It was normal and routine for my mother to go through all four names when she wanted to call one of us (any one of us). "Jay-Lee-Mar-Allie, come get the platter down from the tall cabinet for me." It was a running family joke.

I was in high school when my parents' first grandchild was born. Some time later, I was in my parents' house, no other siblings or children were around, and my  mother called me by the baby's name. Oh, did I mention he's a boy? "Matthew, come here and--uh . . ." She paused, and said, "Did I really call you Matthew?" She was somewhat disturbed--and she never did it again.

I think in her mind, Editeer= "the baby" for so long, that when there was a new "baby," she just slotted in his name in place of mine. (BTW, I laughed.)

The Wild One, Forever

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #37 on: December 24, 2011, 10:37:30 AM »
My oldest younger brother and I have always been very close, and he married a woman whom I like a great deal.  I guess we remind him of one another, because so many times in conversation, he'll call me "Kathy."  (His wife's name.) 

I agree that sometimes people just slip and use a name they have had occasion to say frequently.  It would not bother me if it happened once or even more than once but infrequently.  If it were a chronic thing, then it would be time for a conversation, but that does not sound like the case here.
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tartxcherries

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #38 on: December 26, 2011, 03:06:57 PM »
This has happened to me, and I've done it a few times on accident. I think timing and being apologetic are key here. Obviously there are times where it would be even worse to use the wrong name, but in a chatty non-serious type convo I don't think it's the end of the world unless it happens all the time. On occasion I call my best friend (who is my ex, we dated for 4 years) my bf's name, and vice versa. This is mostly due to them have name starting with a J, and the fact that I spend tons of time with them both. Every time it happens with either of them I apologize and correct myself.

This of course is just how I feel about it, if it bothers you then of course your feelings are perfectly valid, but if I were you I wouldn't take it too personally unless it becomes an ongoing problem OP.


ETA: I have no idea how I missed the fact that the ex passed away in the OP, however in the situation I described above I'm not sure it changes anything, however I can totally see how it would be a little more jarring considering how things ended, unless of course they ended before she passed?
« Last Edit: December 26, 2011, 03:08:46 PM by tartxcherries »

Yvaine

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #39 on: December 26, 2011, 03:09:52 PM »
I'm the youngest of 4 children, and the youngest in the entire extended family. It was normal and routine for my mother to go through all four names when she wanted to call one of us (any one of us). "Jay-Lee-Mar-Allie, come get the platter down from the tall cabinet for me." It was a running family joke.

My mom did this too--and our names alliterated, so it was the equivalent of Mi-Ma-Me-Mo...Hey You..."

My ex once called me by his sister's name. I gave him a lot of (joking) grief about it (joking, because I knew he'd just had a brain fart).

EnoughAlready22

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #40 on: December 27, 2011, 10:09:49 AM »
I learned over the weekend that I seem to call anyone I get mad at by my ex's name. (He must have really done a number to my subconcious!).  I had posted earlier in the thread that when I get mad at my son I call him by my ex's name.  Well yesterday my cat was being bad and I kept calling her by my ex's name!

Yvaine

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #41 on: December 27, 2011, 10:14:30 AM »
I learned over the weekend that I seem to call anyone I get mad at by my ex's name. (He must have really done a number to my subconcious!).  I had posted earlier in the thread that when I get mad at my son I call him by my ex's name.  Well yesterday my cat was being bad and I kept calling her by my ex's name!

I call any misbehaving dog by the name of a certain very rambunctious dog I know (not my own). So if my own dog is acting up, or any random other dog, I'll catch myself saying "Down, Abby!" I guess it's my Pavlovian response to being jumped on and licked profusely.  :D

Miss March

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #42 on: December 27, 2011, 10:58:03 AM »
My friend Jim introduced me to his new girlfriend, Mary. Later in the evening, I was speaking to Mary and I accidentally called her "Susan," the name of Jim's previous girlfriend. I was mortified.

I think we have all done it. I apologized profusely, I was beet red in the face, and I am sure Mary saw that I did not mean to offend her. If anyone makes that mistake with me, I have sympathy, because I know how bad it feels.
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kherbert05

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #43 on: December 27, 2011, 11:13:46 AM »
I don't remember what my cousin Stephen and I did to his little brother and my little sister but mom hit the roof and went through ever single 1st and 2nd cousins names from 2 countries.



My students know that I sometimes mix up their names - Especially If I'm looking at one kid and answering another, call them by my cousins name if they remind me of the cousin some how, and on occasion say their name backwards.  I figure it was related to the same glitch in the brain as my dyslexia/dysgraphia, because of the backwards thing and it "feels" the same.

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SiotehCat

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Re: I am sure this has happened to you before...
« Reply #44 on: December 27, 2011, 11:23:08 AM »
It wouldn't bother me.

I do this to my DH all the time, but he doesn't seem to mind because my ex's name is also my DS's name(DS is junior).

My sister is having a big problem like this because everyone keeps calling her by her Husbands ex wifes name. Several people at their church, her in laws, friends, etc... It is really upsetting her. I think that they just haven't been married for very long and he was with this ex for such a long time. It's taking everyone some time to adjust.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2011, 11:25:52 AM by SiotehCat »