Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt

[Iris]

This happened to my MIL, but it make my brain hurt.

A few years ago, she was scheduled for a hysterectomy.  They live in a very tiny rural town, so for major medical things like this they drive a few hours to the next state, where the closest big hospital is.

So she checks into the hospital, gets prepped, goes to surgery.  When she sees the doctor post op, she's told that they opened her up but then 'couldn't do the surgery'.  Why not?  Well, they just couldn't.  And that's the only answer the doctor would give her.

I can't believe that a) any semi-ethical, semi-competent doctor would do such a thing and b) that MIL didn't start making a huge noisy fuss until she got a real answer.  If that didn't work, I know that my first call would have been to my insurance company's grievance line - nothing irks a health insurer like being billed for services not rendered (aka fraud).  I encouraged her to do this but for some reason she didn't want to make a fuss.   

She didn't want to make a fuss??!! Someone put her under general anaesthetic, cuts open her insides, and then does NOTHING of any benefit to anyone, presumably charging her for the privilege of being sliced open for fun, and then can't even give her a reason? There's no word to describe how much fuss I would make about that.

[TootsNYC]

I think they forgot it in the kitchen, and she didn't realize.

And then when she went to get the bill for you, she realized that you hadn't gotten it, so she didn't charge you for it.

when you said, "I didn't get my maki" (did you gesture to the bill?) she 'heard' "you didn't charge me for it."

And she answered, "Yes, we didn't make it for you." Meaning, "we already knew that you hadn't gotten it, because we didn't make it, so I'm not charging you."

I not only gestured towards the bill, it was one of those places where your check off on a slip what you want, and I showed her where I had checked it!

Yep--so by that point in the meal, she was thinking of that piece of paper as "the thing with the *charges* on it" and not "the thing with the food order on it," so she answered the question she *saw* you ask ("you didn't add this in") instead of the one you did ask ("you didn't bring me this food").

[Mental Magpie]

He still doesn't understand why this hurts my brain...

When I started work over three weeks ago, I decided that I would sometimes take lunch to work with me.  I found Mental Boyfriend's old lunchbox atop the fridge and took that to work with me two days in a row.  On the third day, I did not take it but left it in the kitchen.  A few working days later, I went to take lunch to work with me and could not find the lunchbox anywhere in the kitchen/dining room/living room area.  I looked in cupboards and everything.  When I got home, I asked Mental Boyfriend where he had put the lunchbox.  His answer?

"In the closet in the spare room."
"Why?"
"That's where the other one was."
"Wait, you really put it in the closet in the spare room?"
"Yes."
"That doesn't make any sense.  Why would I ever look there for it?"
"That's where the other one was."
"So you really think I would look in the closet in the spare room for the lunchbox I left in the kitchen?"
"Well, that's where the other one was."
"But I left it in the kitchen because I'm using it and that's where I use."
"The other one was in the closet."

I gave up after that.  I realize that he was trying to keep the lunchboxes together (I didn't know there was another one in the closet), but it never occurred to him that I left it in the kitchen for a reason and that putting it somewhere I would never look for it even though I was using it was a bad idea.

[lady_disdain]

This happened to my MIL, but it make my brain hurt.

A few years ago, she was scheduled for a hysterectomy.  They live in a very tiny rural town, so for major medical things like this they drive a few hours to the next state, where the closest big hospital is.

So she checks into the hospital, gets prepped, goes to surgery.  When she sees the doctor post op, she's told that they opened her up but then 'couldn't do the surgery'.  Why not?  Well, they just couldn't.  And that's the only answer the doctor would give her.

I can't believe that a) any semi-ethical, semi-competent doctor would do such a thing and b) that MIL didn't start making a huge noisy fuss until she got a real answer.  If that didn't work, I know that my first call would have been to my insurance company's grievance line - nothing irks a health insurer like being billed for services not rendered (aka fraud).  I encouraged her to do this but for some reason she didn't want to make a fuss.   

She didn't want to make a fuss??!! Someone put her under general anaesthetic, cuts open her insides, and then does NOTHING of any benefit to anyone, presumably charging her for the privilege of being sliced open for fun, and then can't even give her a reason? There's no word to describe how much fuss I would make about that.

Because of surgeons' crazy operating room schedule, many work with two teams: one is with him in one operating room while the second is either prepping the next patient or closing up the previous. Which is all fine and dandy, until things go wrong. A friend told me how they once had someone on the table, under anesthetics and opened up, for 6 hours, waiting for the surgeon (it turned out that there was a good reason for him not to be there and it seems that, in that case, it would be worse to just close the patient up and operate another day). This has led me to declare that I will not go in for surgery prep without having actually greeted the surgeon at the hospital a few minutes earlier (which is not fail proof either).

But, yes, your MIL deserves an explanation, an apology, no charges for the failed attempt and a good discount as good will/compensation.

[gramma dishes]

This happened to my MIL, but it make my brain hurt.

A few years ago, she was scheduled for a hysterectomy.  They live in a very tiny rural town, so for major medical things like this they drive a few hours to the next state, where the closest big hospital is.

So she checks into the hospital, gets prepped, goes to surgery.  When she sees the doctor post op, she's told that they opened her up but then 'couldn't do the surgery'.  Why not?  Well, they just couldn't.  And that's the only answer the doctor would give her.

I can't believe that a) any semi-ethical, semi-competent doctor would do such a thing and b) that MIL didn't start making a huge noisy fuss until she got a real answer.  If that didn't work, I know that my first call would have been to my insurance company's grievance line - nothing irks a health insurer like being billed for services not rendered (aka fraud).  I encouraged her to do this but for some reason she didn't want to make a fuss.   

Didn't want to make a fuss?  I can't believe your MIL just accepted that! 

[Hillia]

Her reasoning was, well, what good would it do now, and she couldn't make the doctor do anything...I offered to take on filing a grievance with her insurance, but no, just let it go.   made me kind of nuts but it's her issue to pursue or not.

[LazyDaisy]

She needs to get a reason and not let it go. There could be a medical reason that they didn't complete the operation. When my mother had her ovarian cancer surgery that also included a total hysterectomy, the doctor stated up front that she wasn't sure until she got in there to see everything clearly whether or not she would be able to remove anything. The surgeon could have began the surgery, found something that would stop the surgery and had to close up immediately. I would hope that the surgeon or another doctor would say something, but maybe not.

Does the hospital have a patient's advocate or anyone similar?

[Yvaine]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

[EmmaJ.]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

What?!?!?!?  I did not hear about that and must have more details! 

[Giggity]

I was in a work-sponsored seminar last year on how to manage/supervise the 20-somethings that we recruit.  We were told, literally instructed, to never bother calling them or leaving a voicemail; they just don't listen to them.  Ever.  It's email, Twitter, FB, or text message to reach them.  (and we recruit from the top 5% of students for our positions.)  I found that shocking but learned to use "their language" to talk with them when I need to.  Whatta world.

Oh man, that would make me livid, on either end. If you are managing me, you get to pick how we communicate. If you prefer to conduct the entire relationship by voice-mail, it is my place to figure out how to make that work.

[Giggity]

It is called "Eat Less, Move More."

perhaps with a "name" he will believe it!

One is reminded of Richard Jeni's weight-loss program.

[Yvaine]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

What?!?!?!?  I did not hear about that and must have more details!

I thought there was an ehell thread about it, but I can't find it. Here's the news story.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/surry-hills-restaurateur-with-notorious-rules-lashes-sydneys-greedy-diners-as-she-announces-closure-with-online-rant-20120705-21icb.html

[2littlemonkeys]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

What?!?!?!?  I did not hear about that and must have more details!

I thought there was an ehell thread about it, but I can't find it. Here's the news story.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/surry-hills-restaurateur-with-notorious-rules-lashes-sydneys-greedy-diners-as-she-announces-closure-with-online-rant-20120705-21icb.html

::does that head tilty thing::  So you need to eat all your food but by eating all your food and being happy about it, you're a greedy glutton and are wasteful by eating all your food.

oooooohhhh  kaaaaaayyyyy

[Yvaine]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

What?!?!?!?  I did not hear about that and must have more details!

I thought there was an ehell thread about it, but I can't find it. Here's the news story.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/surry-hills-restaurateur-with-notorious-rules-lashes-sydneys-greedy-diners-as-she-announces-closure-with-online-rant-20120705-21icb.html

::does that head tilty thing::  So you need to eat all your food but by eating all your food and being happy about it, you're a greedy glutton and are wasteful by eating all your food.

oooooohhhh  kaaaaaayyyyy

The only mitigating factor I can think of is that people knew what they were getting into--you couldn't even eat there till you took a course in sushi etiquette from her, IIRC. Just bonkers!

[jedikaiti]

My guess is that she thought that once you had the soup and the scallop, you wouldn't be hungry enough to eat two servings of maki also.  (nevermind that you might take it home, etc) So to be 'helpful' and to cut waste, she simply didn't make it for you.  That's the logic I'm operating on anyway... I've heard people complain about this before, so that may be what happened here.

I wonder if she went to that place that made the news a year or two ago because the owner was a control freak and posted that whole list of rules about how much food to order and how to eat it!

What?!?!?!?  I did not hear about that and must have more details!

I thought there was an ehell thread about it, but I can't find it. Here's the news story.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/surry-hills-restaurateur-with-notorious-rules-lashes-sydneys-greedy-diners-as-she-announces-closure-with-online-rant-20120705-21icb.html

::does that head tilty thing::  So you need to eat all your food but by eating all your food and being happy about it, you're a greedy glutton and are wasteful by eating all your food.

oooooohhhh  kaaaaaayyyyy

The only mitigating factor I can think of is that people knew what they were getting into--you couldn't even eat there till you took a course in sushi etiquette from her, IIRC. Just bonkers!

That's not sushi etiquette - that's special snowflake etiquette!