Author Topic: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt  (Read 1102865 times)

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Jones

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5685 on: November 15, 2012, 10:37:14 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?
I would have through she was hinting at giving him a bottle to keep him occupied while the change was occuring.

LB

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5686 on: November 15, 2012, 10:43:11 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

Bexx27

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5687 on: November 15, 2012, 10:52:59 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

I was thinking she meant it half-jokingly, or maybe she doesn't know he's fine not getting a bottle. Jones' interpretation also seems plausible.
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kherbert05

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5688 on: November 15, 2012, 08:16:37 PM »
Quote
What kind of salesman completely ignores your budget like that?

I don't know if that's an old salesman's trick or what, but our real estate agent did exactly the same thing when we were house-hunting ten years ago.  "Now, I know that you said you could go no higher than $130,000, but I found this lovely house for only $140,000!  Wait until you see it!"  Then, of course, once you've seen the more expensive house, the ones that are actually in your price range look awful. 

Some house buyers/apt. renters don't give their exact bottom (top?) dollar range.

I know I didn't when I was first house-hunting. I figured the range that I would be more than comfortable in, then looked at the lower priced options for a "deal" first before looking at the higher priced homes which I could actually afford. Then I let the realtor "talk me into" looking at the higher priced homes.

I think that realtors/leasing agents know this. That's one reason why they sometimes push the higher priced options.

I don't think that they are wrong/sneaky/underhanded in any way.

All you have to do is say "Sorry, that's not in my price range" every time they want to show you something that you're not willing to pay for.
I fired one Realtor for exactly that type of behavior. I had enough ready cash that I was able to put 30% down on the house I eventually purchased. The loan was already preapproved. The Realtor I fired wanted me to get approved for a loan where the same amount of money was 10% down. So she kept showing me horrible houses saying they were the only ones in my price range. One of the houses literally glowed pink.


I went to my aunt, who was a retired Realtor. She helped me find an ethical Realtor, who found me a good home. If I had followed the 1st one's advise I would probably be in big trouble financially.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5689 on: November 15, 2012, 08:24:34 PM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

I'm with you, LB; this wasn't a tantrum about drinks, this was a tantrum about diapers.  What on Earth does a bottle/sippy cup have to do with diapers?
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5690 on: November 15, 2012, 09:38:26 PM »
Quote
What kind of salesman completely ignores your budget like that?

I don't know if that's an old salesman's trick or what, but our real estate agent did exactly the same thing when we were house-hunting ten years ago.  "Now, I know that you said you could go no higher than $130,000, but I found this lovely house for only $140,000!  Wait until you see it!"  Then, of course, once you've seen the more expensive house, the ones that are actually in your price range look awful. 

Speaking of people not realizing how big North America is - many years ago, my parents got a letter from relatives in Great Britain.  The letter said "Our friend John Smith is arriving in Montreal on Monday.  Can you go pick him up at the airport?"  My parents lived in Manitoba at the time.  Their response was "YOU go pick him up - you're closer!"

Our realtor did that, and in his case I do believe it was mostly a "It's priced at this rate, but it's overpriced and you can always try to talk them down" approach.  Plus we were going through the VA since it was our first time buying a house and when you go through them, they won't grant you a loan on a house that's more than what it's actually appraised for.  As it turned out, our house did end up being worth exactly what it was priced at, so it worked out nicely. :)

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

mmswm

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5691 on: November 15, 2012, 10:35:05 PM »
Parent-Teacher conference for my oldest son was tonight.  My lovely child is failing math mostly because he's not turning in work.  I asked him if there were any concepts he didn't understand and he said that there were a few that were giving him trouble. I asked him why he hadn't asked me for help and he said that he didn't know if I could help him.  His teacher pipped up that there were tutoring options.  I looked at her, then looked at my son and said "Son'sname, have you ever told your teacher what I did for a living for ten years?".  He looked sheepish and said "Math Teacher".  His teacher laughed, but my brain hurt.  Umm, honey, I have a master's degree in math, taught 7th grade and community college for 10 years.  I think I can help you with Algebra I.  UGH.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

gramma dishes

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5692 on: November 15, 2012, 10:48:13 PM »
Parent-Teacher conference for my oldest son was tonight.  My lovely child is failing math mostly because he's not turning in work.  I asked him if there were any concepts he didn't understand and he said that there were a few that were giving him trouble. I asked him why he hadn't asked me for help and he said that he didn't know if I could help him.  His teacher pipped up that there were tutoring options.  I looked at her, then looked at my son and said "Son'sname, have you ever told your teacher what I did for a living for ten years?".  He looked sheepish and said "Math Teacher".  His teacher laughed, but my brain hurt.  Umm, honey, I have a master's degree in math, taught 7th grade and community college for 10 years.  I think I can help you with Algebra I.  UGH.

Yes, it is ironic and funny.  But you know what?  I can kind of get where your son is coming from. 

He's having trouble with MATH!!!  The very subject that his Mom obviously "gets" with no problem at all.  The fact that it seems easy to you doesn't help his self esteem at all.  The fact is that it is probably quite embarrassing for him and he fears that it would also embarrass you that he doesn't seem to 'get' math.

You might get farther by saying "You know, Honey, your Dad always had a really hard time with math (or something similar if this isn't true).  I get that not everyone finds it easy.  But I'm your Mom and I also happen to be a pretty darned good teacher!  I really can help you with this if you'll let me.   And I love you for you.  It's okay that you don't have the same comfort zone with math that I do.  I'm sure there are things you could teach me about too.  So let's get to work on this -- together!"

Elfmama

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5693 on: November 15, 2012, 11:10:30 PM »
I fired one Realtor for exactly that type of behavior. I had enough ready cash that I was able to put 30% down on the house I eventually purchased. The loan was already preapproved. The Realtor I fired wanted me to get approved for a loan where the same amount of money was 10% down. So she kept showing me horrible houses saying they were the only ones in my price range. One of the houses literally glowed pink.


I went to my aunt, who was a retired Realtor. She helped me find an ethical Realtor, who found me a good home. If I had followed the 1st one's advise I would probably be in big trouble financially.
They have a "Pink House" in Texas, too?  My realtor in Maryland told me about one here.  Apparently it was all pink.  ALL PINK.  Walls, ceilings, carpeting, exterior, plumbing fixtures, cabinets, et cetera etcetera ad nauseum.  (For which one takes the exceedingly pink Pepto-Bismol, of course.)

Now you are probably thinking "OK, just buy the house and paint it." Noooooo.  The last time it came on the market the sellers insisted on a covenant in the sales paperwork.  Any new owners had to agree to leave everything pink.  IIRC, they also had a condition that the old owners could inspect the house on an annual basis to check that it hadn't been repainted.  Not surprisingly, they didn't find any buyers willing to agree to that.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 11:13:53 PM by Elfmama »
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mmswm

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5694 on: November 15, 2012, 11:20:49 PM »
Parent-Teacher conference for my oldest son was tonight.  My lovely child is failing math mostly because he's not turning in work.  I asked him if there were any concepts he didn't understand and he said that there were a few that were giving him trouble. I asked him why he hadn't asked me for help and he said that he didn't know if I could help him.  His teacher pipped up that there were tutoring options.  I looked at her, then looked at my son and said "Son'sname, have you ever told your teacher what I did for a living for ten years?".  He looked sheepish and said "Math Teacher".  His teacher laughed, but my brain hurt.  Umm, honey, I have a master's degree in math, taught 7th grade and community college for 10 years.  I think I can help you with Algebra I.  UGH.

Yes, it is ironic and funny.  But you know what?  I can kind of get where your son is coming from. 

He's having trouble with MATH!!!  The very subject that his Mom obviously "gets" with no problem at all.  The fact that it seems easy to you doesn't help his self esteem at all.  The fact is that it is probably quite embarrassing for him and he fears that it would also embarrass you that he doesn't seem to 'get' math.

You might get farther by saying "You know, Honey, your Dad always had a really hard time with math (or something similar if this isn't true).  I get that not everyone finds it easy.  But I'm your Mom and I also happen to be a pretty darned good teacher!  I really can help you with this if you'll let me.   And I love you for you.  It's okay that you don't have the same comfort zone with math that I do.  I'm sure there are things you could teach me about too.  So let's get to work on this -- together!"

I've had that discussion with him, though without the Dad part.  My ex-husband disappeared 10 years ago and hasn't been heard from since.  Actually, it goes more like this: "I know not everybody finds math easy.  I taught students who had a hard time with math for 10 years.  I'm really good at breaking things down for people who find the concepts difficult. I'm also good at finding different ways to explain things, so if one way doesn't work, we can try another." I taught in an inner city school.  Most of my students had a hard time with the subject.  I also taught a lot of college-prep classes at the community college, so I'm very familiar with students who have a rotten time learning math.  I think that's what frustrates me the most.  If he's having trouble with math, that's fine, but that's also the exact type of student that I specialize with.  When I tutor, I advertise for students with math anxiety or a feeling of helplessness when it comes to learning math. I think I'm just frustrated that I can't seem to get through to him that it's okay not to be good at everything, and that this one topic is one that I'm really very good at helping with.  This is the child that was reading Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy at age 11, speaks and writes fluently in formal Arabic and is conversationally fluent in Spanish, French and Portuguese. He's very bright, but more language oriented.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Pippen

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5695 on: November 15, 2012, 11:39:26 PM »
Parent-Teacher conference for my oldest son was tonight.  My lovely child is failing math mostly because he's not turning in work.  I asked him if there were any concepts he didn't understand and he said that there were a few that were giving him trouble. I asked him why he hadn't asked me for help and he said that he didn't know if I could help him.  His teacher pipped up that there were tutoring options.  I looked at her, then looked at my son and said "Son'sname, have you ever told your teacher what I did for a living for ten years?".  He looked sheepish and said "Math Teacher".  His teacher laughed, but my brain hurt.  Umm, honey, I have a master's degree in math, taught 7th grade and community college for 10 years.  I think I can help you with Algebra I.  UGH.

Yes, it is ironic and funny.  But you know what?  I can kind of get where your son is coming from. 

He's having trouble with MATH!!!  The very subject that his Mom obviously "gets" with no problem at all.  The fact that it seems easy to you doesn't help his self esteem at all.  The fact is that it is probably quite embarrassing for him and he fears that it would also embarrass you that he doesn't seem to 'get' math.

You might get farther by saying "You know, Honey, your Dad always had a really hard time with math (or something similar if this isn't true).  I get that not everyone finds it easy.  But I'm your Mom and I also happen to be a pretty darned good teacher!  I really can help you with this if you'll let me.   And I love you for you.  It's okay that you don't have the same comfort zone with math that I do.  I'm sure there are things you could teach me about too.  So let's get to work on this -- together!"

I've had that discussion with him, though without the Dad part.  My ex-husband disappeared 10 years ago and hasn't been heard from since.  Actually, it goes more like this: "I know not everybody finds math easy.  I taught students who had a hard time with math for 10 years.  I'm really good at breaking things down for people who find the concepts difficult. I'm also good at finding different ways to explain things, so if one way doesn't work, we can try another." I taught in an inner city school.  Most of my students had a hard time with the subject.  I also taught a lot of college-prep classes at the community college, so I'm very familiar with students who have a rotten time learning math.  I think that's what frustrates me the most.  If he's having trouble with math, that's fine, but that's also the exact type of student that I specialize with.  When I tutor, I advertise for students with math anxiety or a feeling of helplessness when it comes to learning math. I think I'm just frustrated that I can't seem to get through to him that it's okay not to be good at everything, and that this one topic is one that I'm really very good at helping with.  This is the child that was reading Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy at age 11, speaks and writes fluently in formal Arabic and is conversationally fluent in Spanish, French and Portuguese. He's very bright, but more language oriented.

Oh bless. I feel his pain. My maths teacher told my parents I was retarded and I was deliberately useless at math to vex her. That woman hated me with a white hot passion. I once got 20 out of 20 wrong on a true false test.  I really am that useless at it.

Jocelyn

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5696 on: November 15, 2012, 11:52:35 PM »
Either they honestly have no idea how the rest of the world sees them, or they don't perceive their actions as unusual.
I would say that your greatest consolation would be that they found each other, and are not making 2 other perfectly ordinary people miserable. >:D

LB

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5697 on: November 16, 2012, 07:48:37 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

I was thinking she meant it half-jokingly, or maybe she doesn't know he's fine not getting a bottle. Jones' interpretation also seems plausible.

I guess maybe this is one of those things that's only weird to me. Because I know how well she knows him. She knows he doesn't care about getting a bottle and she knows I don't give him one during a diaper change. And I know she wasn't joking. But, I didn't say any of that, so they are reasonable interpretations.

My mom has a tendency to try make unrelated things related to prove her point. But this was the first clue I had that she had a point she wanted to make. Until then, I had no idea she didn't agree with me taking away his bottles.

In short, I think this was not a good entry for this thread!  :)

Mental Magpie

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5698 on: November 16, 2012, 07:51:11 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

I was thinking she meant it half-jokingly, or maybe she doesn't know he's fine not getting a bottle. Jones' interpretation also seems plausible.

I guess maybe this is one of those things that's only weird to me. Because I know how well she knows him. She knows he doesn't care about getting a bottle and she knows I don't give him one during a diaper change. And I know she wasn't joking. But, I didn't say any of that, so they are reasonable interpretations.

My mom has a tendency to try make unrelated things related to prove her point. But this was the first clue I had that she had a point she wanted to make. Until then, I had no idea she didn't agree with me taking away his bottles.

In short, I think this was not a good entry for this thread!  :)

I think it was; it hurt my brain, too.  I probably would have straight out asked my mom (if I were you), "What does that have to do with changing his diaper?"
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

LB

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Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5699 on: November 16, 2012, 07:54:16 AM »
I had an exchange with my mom a while back that still has me a bit confused.

I've been (I think) fairly laid back regarding certain things with my son. My feeling is I've not forced anything and changed things when it seemed like he was ready.

At about fourteen months, I commented to my mom that I probably should just put away all the his bottles and only give him sippy cups. He'd been using them for awhile and so it felt like a natural time to eliminate bottles. I didn't feel like he would miss them at all. We had been using sippy cups and bottles interchangeably.

That afternoon, she was helping me change his diaper. He was very unhappy and was basically throwing a tantrum while I tried to change him. We got done and my mom looked at me with a "Whew." look on her face and said "You sure you want to get rid of his bottles now?"

 ??? What does using bottles have to do with him being unhappy about a diaper change?

Makes sense to me. Knowing the kind of tantrum he can throw when he's unhappy, are you sure you want to get rid of his bottles now and have to deal with more of that?

But he doesn't throw tantrums when he's not given a bottle. He doesn't care if it's a bottle or a sippy cup. He just wants something to drink.

I'm with you, LB; this wasn't a tantrum about drinks, this was a tantrum about diapers.  What on Earth does a bottle/sippy cup have to do with diapers?

Yes, that's pretty much what I was thinking. Though I'm also unsure when my mom's position on tantrums became "Give him what he wants!"  ;)

But, as I said above, I can understand where the others are coming from.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2012, 07:57:09 AM by LB »