Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt

[snowflake]

If this is an inappropriate question, please let me know and I will delete this post entirely.  But if the child is one and he's already been in foster care for a year, that means probably from pretty early infancy.  We know babies bond at an early age.  May I ask why they would move a toddler that has already bonded with another family?  Is the purpose to keep the child from attaching too much to any one couple so that they can someday be reunited with their birth parent?  I've never understood this.  I'd like to know the reasoning.  But as I said, this question may be inappropriate and I do understand that you may not want to or be able to answer.

Not inappropriate, but I don't want this thread to turn into a side-tracked discussion.  I'll just say that as much as I like fostering, it does take a whole lot of energy and resources and there are lots of reasons why people decide to stop.  The last family had some events beyond their control and decided they were going to stop fostering.  This is not uncommon. 

As for what she meant about foster care making kids obedient, I'm not completely sure what she meant.  I think she might have meant that fostering instead of biological kids might be easier.  She has these odd ideas going around in her head and just doesn't filter them.  A few months ago, I would ask her what her comments meant and no amount of explanation made sense to me.  So it's anyone's guess.

That's why my brain hurts when I see her.

[gramma dishes]

Thank you for responding, and I agree that the actual discussion should not be side tracked by my question.

[LB]

Was just about to post that my mom did threaten me with how awful foster care was when I threatened to call CPS on her...you don't really realize how dysfunctional your childhood is until you have normal peoples' experiences to compare it to!

I don't remember where I heard it at but I think the best response ever to a child threatening to call CPS because Mom or Dad would not cave to their SS demand was "Go head, they can't make me take you back. "

Ha!

*scribbles in her Book of Mom Phrases*

[Jocelyn]

If this is an inappropriate question, please let me know and I will delete this post entirely.  But if the child is one and he's already been in foster care for a year, that means probably from pretty early infancy.  We know babies bond at an early age.  May I ask why they would move a toddler that has already bonded with another family?  Is the purpose to keep the child from attaching too much to any one couple so that they can someday be reunited with their birth parent?  I've never understood this.  I'd like to know the reasoning.  But as I said, this question may be inappropriate and I do understand that you may not want to or be able to answer.

Children may be moved because the original foster family no longer wishes to foster children, or cannot continue for some reason. Or, sadly enough, because the child is not safe in that particular home. Children have been abused in foster homes. One of the biggest risks is that a younger child can be abused by other foster children, as they act out their own abuse. Children may be moved if the permanency plan is for the child to return to the biological parents and the foster parents are unable to cope with that emotionally, so they're engaging in an emotional tug-of-war with the bio parents over the child. I've worked cases where the foster parents were telling the children that their biological parents were bad people who didn't love them, or constantly criticizing the birth parents, trying to make the child choose them over their bio parents. It doesn't really apply in this case, but older kids can be moved because their conduct is so disruptive that the foster family asks to have them removed, or they need to be placed in a more structured environment.

[Jones]

This conversation is making my heart hurt.  Snowflake, you are a stronger person than me; I don't think I could be a foster parent, judgemental and confusing neighbors aside.

[RegionMom]

Bill Cosby-
'I brought you into this world; I can take you out!  And I'll make another one, look just like you."

OK,, I think we need to get back to brain hurty talking...

[Frog24]

Bill Cosby-
'I brought you into this world; I can take you out!  And I'll make another one, look just like you."

OK,, I think we need to get back to brain hurty talking...

Sorry, sorry, sorry... but I had to add this:

I had the opportunity to see Bill Cosby a year or so ago.  He was telling the story of how his teenage daughter threw the line of "Well, I didn't ASK to be BORN!" at him during an argument.  He looked at her and said: "Yes, you did! You're the one that got to the egg first!"

</thread jack>

[kherbert05]

One of my cousins was a foster parent. A child was moved from their house after she had a child. They no longer met the requirements of bedroom sq footage per child.

[Midnight Kitty]

When Misty was a silly filly, she gave me all kinds of grief training her.  She bucked me off and a couple other people who were professional trainers.  One trainer told me I should sell her as I was ruining her and she was dangerous for me to ride.  I told my father, tearfully, that we might have to sell Misty and it was breaking my heart.

He said, "How can you consider selling her?  You gave your mother and me all kinds of grief and we didn't sell you?"

Why would this make my brain hurt?  Because I had an older foster sister who did not get along with my mother.  They "gave her back."  Dad must think I forgot that, or maybe he's blocked it out.  It is unsettling to have an older sister for years, then all of a sudden she is gone.  Add to that, my parent just said, "She didn't follow our rules."  I was an insecure child and this did not make me feel more secure.  If I didn't follow their rules, would they ditch me, too?

[Pippen]

When Misty was a silly filly, she gave me all kinds of grief training her.  She bucked me off and a couple other people who were professional trainers.  One trainer told me I should sell her as I was ruining her and she was dangerous for me to ride.  I told my father, tearfully, that we might have to sell Misty and it was breaking my heart.

He said, "How can you consider selling her?  You gave your mother and me all kinds of grief and we didn't sell you?"

Why would this make my brain hurt?  Because I had an older foster sister who did not get along with my mother.  They "gave her back."  Dad must think I forgot that, or maybe he's blocked it out.  It is unsettling to have an older sister for years, then all of a sudden she is gone.  Add to that, my parent just said, "She didn't follow our rules."  I was an insecure child and this did not make me feel more secure.  If I didn't follow their rules, would they ditch me, too?

Oh I can definitely see how upsetting and difficult to reconcile that would be.

[violinp]

When Misty was a silly filly, she gave me all kinds of grief training her.  She bucked me off and a couple other people who were professional trainers.  One trainer told me I should sell her as I was ruining her and she was dangerous for me to ride.  I told my father, tearfully, that we might have to sell Misty and it was breaking my heart.

He said, "How can you consider selling her? You gave your mother and me all kinds of grief and we didn't sell you?"

Why would this make my brain hurt?  Because I had an older foster sister who did not get along with my mother.  They "gave her back."  Dad must think I forgot that, or maybe he's blocked it out.  It is unsettling to have an older sister for years, then all of a sudden she is gone.  Add to that, my parent just said, "She didn't follow our rules."  I was an insecure child and this did not make me feel more secure.  If I didn't follow their rules, would they ditch me, too?

as;ldfkjhg What?!? Having to sell a horse because she's dangerous to your health is not the same as giving up a child because they're annoying. That was amazingly cruel and horrible to say, as well as being brain - hurty.

I made my Dad's brain hurt today. We had to buy stuff for Thanksgiving today (it'll be too crazy this next week to try to get any shopping done), and Dad told me to turn the kitchen light off (we were in the kitchen and Dad was by the door. I went into the dining room because I thought I saw the shopping list on the table.

Dad: Violinp, what are you doing? I wanted you to turn off the kitchen light, not the dining room light!
Me: I wasn't going in there for that!
Dad: What did you need?
Me: We need the list!
Dad: *looks on the table* Violinp, that's my recipe for oyster chowder. I have the list in my pocket.
Me: ...Oh.

The thing is, my mom handwrote the shopping list, and my dad handwrote the recipe. Their handwriting looks about as alike as a goldfish and a squid. I can't blame it on sleep deprivation, because I got 8 hours of sleep. 

[Bijou]

We've had our car for more than 15 years (it's a 90 Toyota Corolla).  For all that time I have been using the same seat belt buckle.  I can't even think how many times.  Anyway, over the past couple of months it has started to stick and I have trouble unbuckling it.  Just intermittently.  I mention it every time to my husband and every time he says he has no trouble with it.  "Hmm....I don't have that problem.". which translates to "It must be you and not the belt."
Today I had trouble again and when he tried it he fiddled and fiddled with it, then told me that he figured out  'if you press on the side bar and the button at the same time it won't work."  HUH!?  Suddenly I have started to do some weird maneuver intermittently causing the problem?  Why, I ask, would I suddenly, after all these years, not know how to use the seat belt?  Aye cadathe!  (means:  "Oh, good grief!"  "Oh, for crying out loud!" "Yahhh!  I'm going to tear my hair out any minute now!!!!")
That hissing you heard this afternoon was steam coming out my ears!
At least he's looking at it, trying to figure it out. Stop complaining and count my blessings, and he surely is one of them after nearly 40 years of marriage!

[WillyNilly]

We've had our car for more than 15 years (it's a 90 Toyota Corolla).  For all that time I have been using the same seat belt buckle.  I can't even think how many times.  Anyway, over the past couple of months it has started to stick and I have trouble unbuckling it.  Just intermittently.  I mention it every time to my husband and every time he says he has no trouble with it.  "Hmm....I don't have that problem.". which translates to "It must be you and not the belt."
Today I had trouble again and when he tried it he fiddled and fiddled with it, then told me that he figured out  'if you press on the side bar and the button at the same time it won't work."  HUH!?  Suddenly I have started to do some weird maneuver intermittently causing the problem?  Why, I ask, would I suddenly, after all these years, not know how to use the seat belt?  Aye cadathe!  (means:  "Oh, good grief!"  "Oh, for crying out loud!" "Yahhh!  I'm going to tear my hair out any minute now!!!!")
That hissing you heard this afternoon was steam coming out my ears!

Its seems much more logical to assume after 15 years the mechanism has simply worn down.  There's got to be considerable wear & tear on a button after 15 years of use! Your DH probably always pushed the button the way he's pushing now, and you pushed the way you pushed.  Its just luck of the drawer that the way you do it no longer works now that its worn down.

[Bijou]

We've had our car for more than 15 years (it's a 90 Toyota Corolla).  For all that time I have been using the same seat belt buckle.  I can't even think how many times.  Anyway, over the past couple of months it has started to stick and I have trouble unbuckling it.  Just intermittently.  I mention it every time to my husband and every time he says he has no trouble with it.  "Hmm....I don't have that problem.". which translates to "It must be you and not the belt."
Today I had trouble again and when he tried it he fiddled and fiddled with it, then told me that he figured out  'if you press on the side bar and the button at the same time it won't work."  HUH!?  Suddenly I have started to do some weird maneuver intermittently causing the problem?  Why, I ask, would I suddenly, after all these years, not know how to use the seat belt?  Aye cadathe!  (means:  "Oh, good grief!"  "Oh, for crying out loud!" "Yahhh!  I'm going to tear my hair out any minute now!!!!")
That hissing you heard this afternoon was steam coming out my ears!

Its seems much more logical to assume after 15 years the mechanism has simply worn down.  There's got to be considerable wear & tear on a button after 15 years of use! Your DH probably always pushed the button the way he's pushing now, and you pushed the way you pushed.  Its just luck of the drawer that the way you do it no longer works now that its worn down.

That's what I think.  What a guy!  I probably make his brain hurt, too, sometimes, though, so I guess we're even.

[sunnygirl]

That reminds me, I was on the tube recently coming back from a trip, and my wheeled suitcase's handle was broken so it no longer retracted. So many people approached me to try to teach me how to retract the handle, and insisted on saying, "oh no, all you have to do is press the button on top and push the handle down!" even after I explained it was broken. I mean, really. Which is more likely, a cheap supermarket case breaking, or someone going through an entire foreign trip without figuring out how to do something as basic as use a suitcase? For some reason they just couldn't get their heads around a simple a concept as 'it is broken.'