Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt

[Midnight Kitty]

My theory is I was speaking to a time traveler from the mid-1970's.

Or someone living in a time warp ... 

[Midnight Kitty]

Many many years ago, I was into ceramics. Christmas stuff, mainly, and sold them at craft fairs. Back then we were on a pretty tight budget, so I made a lot of my Christmas gifts.  One year I made trees for both my mother and MIL, like this:
 
 
 
 only with a fancy base that looked like wrapped packages and toys.  I personalized them with the package tags having names of their kids and grandkids as well as Mom/Dad MIL/ FIL themselves.  The "lights" are clear plastic; what you are seeing as glowing bulbs is light shining through them from an ordinary light bulb inside the tree.  Mom was thrilled with hers and still displays it every year as her Xmas tree; MIL was decidedly underwhelmed. (Handcrafted items were only so much second-rate junk to her.)

"So just how do I replace one of those little lights when they burn out?" she snapped. I explained that they couldn't burn out, because they didn't have electricity going through them.  I took the tree off its base and showed her the light bulb inside.  I showed her the posts of the little lights inside, how there were no wires running to them, and explained how they are glued into the tree. DH and FIL both tried to explain.

Nope, she wasn't having any of it.  Those lights were going to burn out, I was refusing to tell her how to replace them and she'd have to just throw the whole tree away in a year or two because it wouldn't light anymore. 
 
 And I guess she did, because I never saw her display it, and it wasn't in the things that we cleared out of the house when they moved to Assisted Living.

It's times like that where you discover just how much your feelings means to someone.  I'm betting she got the idea, and wanted an excuse to throw it away.

My first husband's mother was like this.  One Christmas I made her a beautiful hand hooked rug wall hanging, in colors to compliment her home.  She opened the gift, saw what it was, and dropped it on the floor saying, "Oh ... a hand made gift."  Like it was something she stepped in.

She didn't make my brain hurt; She made my heart hurt.

[exitzero]

Many many years ago, I was into ceramics. Christmas stuff, mainly, and sold them at craft fairs. Back then we were on a pretty tight budget, so I made a lot of my Christmas gifts.  One year I made trees for both my mother and MIL, like this:
 
 
 
 only with a fancy base that looked like wrapped packages and toys.  I personalized them with the package tags having names of their kids and grandkids as well as Mom/Dad MIL/ FIL themselves.  The "lights" are clear plastic; what you are seeing as glowing bulbs is light shining through them from an ordinary light bulb inside the tree.  Mom was thrilled with hers and still displays it every year as her Xmas tree; MIL was decidedly underwhelmed. (Handcrafted items were only so much second-rate junk to her.)

"So just how do I replace one of those little lights when they burn out?" she snapped. I explained that they couldn't burn out, because they didn't have electricity going through them.  I took the tree off its base and showed her the light bulb inside.  I showed her the posts of the little lights inside, how there were no wires running to them, and explained how they are glued into the tree. DH and FIL both tried to explain.

Nope, she wasn't having any of it.  Those lights were going to burn out, I was refusing to tell her how to replace them and she'd have to just throw the whole tree away in a year or two because it wouldn't light anymore. 
 
 And I guess she did, because I never saw her display it, and it wasn't in the things that we cleared out of the house when they moved to Assisted Living.

It's times like that where you discover just how much your feelings means to someone.  I'm betting she got the idea, and wanted an excuse to throw it away.

My first husband's mother was like this.  One Christmas I made her a beautiful hand hooked rug wall hanging, in colors to compliment her home.  She opened the gift, saw what it was, and dropped it on the floor saying, "Oh ... a hand made gift."  Like it was something she stepped in.

She didn't make my brain hurt; She made my heart hurt.

My sister gave her mother-in-law to be a nice hand made photograph album. As she was leaving she handed it back to my sister and said, "Here, why don't you give this to someone who can use it".

[Jaelle]

Oh, these stories are heartbreaking.    I've learned not to give my MIL anything handmade (she thanks you very politely, but then you never see the item again), but while I'm disappointed because I put so much work and thought into things, she was never mean.

Elfmama, I'd so love a tree like that. You see, my grandmother had one and just the photo made me think of the Christmas afternoons spent at her house. I'm not sure what became of it after she died, unfortunately.

[selkiewoman]

Elfmama, I remember those trees (yes, it was a while back ).  I soooo jonesed after one, never got one.  I still can't imagine someone turning one down

[wolfie]

Elfmama, I remember those trees (yes, it was a while back ).  I soooo jonesed after one, never got one.  I still can't imagine someone turning one down

I don't like them. They just aren't something I would have in the house. But I wouldn't be mean about it. I would be nice until I got home and then I would quietly dispose of it.

[LEMon]

Elfmama, I remember those trees (yes, it was a while back ).  I soooo jonesed after one, never got one.  I still can't imagine someone turning one down

I don't like them. They just aren't something I would have in the house. But I wouldn't be mean about it. I would be nice until I got home and then I would quietly dispose of it.

Have to admit many gifts (store bought or hand decorated) have disappeared that way.  I'm very appreciative, but once mine, I do get to decide what I do with it.  And it doesn't reflect how I feel about you.

[Shalamar]

A while back, my MIL gave us a homemade Christmas ornament - it was an elongated penguin with a top hat.  I thought it was hideous.  My husband and kids agreed.   We thanked MIL politely and quietly gave it away later.

Contrast that with her reaction when we gave her a gift set from Crabtree and Evelyn.  It was a set of hand moisturizers specifically formulated for gardeners, and she loved gardening.  Her reaction?  A stony faced "Thank you", whereupon she shoved it under her chair and we never saw it again.  (We didn't have a Crabtree and Evelyn in our hometown, either - we'd brought it home specially from a trip to Orlando.)

[Elfmama]

Elfmama, I remember those trees (yes, it was a while back ).  I soooo jonesed after one, never got one.  I still can't imagine someone turning one down

I don't like them. They just aren't something I would have in the house. But I wouldn't be mean about it. I would be nice until I got home and then I would quietly dispose of it.

Have to admit many gifts (store bought or hand decorated) have disappeared that way.  I'm very appreciative, but once mine, I do get to decide what I do with it.  And it doesn't reflect how I feel about you.

I don't expect people to like everything I make and do.  It was just that extremely head-hurty conversation, with MIL insisting that plastic glow-through "lights" were going to burn out that got to me. As if that was the only excuse she could think of to get rid of it, instead of politely saying 'thank you' and giving it to Goodwill later when I wouldn't know anything about it.

[Friday]

I won't give my mother another gift.  Two that stand out.

1 - she bought over a purse pattern and asked me to make it.  She picked out the fabrics from my stash - all expensive ones.  I made the purse.  a week later, she brought it back, and asked me to change out the zipper.  (if you've never made a purse, the zipper is pretty much the first thing and you'd have to re-do the WHOLE purse)

2.  I made her a queen sized quilt.  I'm a master quilter.  She brought it back.  she wanted me to make it bigger because it didn't go all the way to the floor.  I ignored.  Later, she did use it, because a friend of hers told her to just get a bed skirt.  I think that the friend really just told her to pull her head out of her but.  My mother bought many a bed skirt over the years.  My last charity quilt went for $1500.  I think she just wants to irritate me and belittle my art work.

I gave her an electonic christmas ornament with pictures of ALL her grandkids... she brought it back to have me adjust the speed at which they rotated (not possible).  I gave her a fused glass pendant I made.  She declared it beautiful but too big - could I cut it down?

There are reasons why I have given her the cut direct - she's toxic

[travestine]

This will be the first year in many years I won't be making handmade gifts for anyone. The last of the people who appreciated them have passed and I'm not making anything for people who don't appreciate the time and effort it takes to paint, stitch, can or craft a handmade item. One year, when I was unemployed and couldn't afford much, I handpainted Christmas cards for all the really special people or families in my life - two dozen cards. Not one person commented on the effort it must have taken to handpaint and personalize a Christmas card - and a couple of those people are artists themselves. I've needlepointed Christmas ornaments that I notice are no longer displayed on Christmas trees (my tree only has handmade or handcrafted ornaments that were gifted to me over the years), I've needlepointed artwork that disappeared into closets after opening, I've canned, I've made personalized crafts - all these in addition to purchased gifts. The handmade items were never acknowledged, but I wanted to do them anyway - I guess because the handmade things that I've received have always meant a lot to me.

This year, now that the last of those who really appreciated anything handmade is gone, I'm stopping my urge to think of what I'm going to make this year. I'll find another use for my time.

[RebeccainGA]

Oh, these stories are heartbreaking.    I've learned not to give my MIL anything handmade (she thanks you very politely, but then you never see the item again), but while I'm disappointed because I put so much work and thought into things, she was never mean.

Elfmama, I'd so love a tree like that. You see, my grandmother had one and just the photo made me think of the Christmas afternoons spent at her house. I'm not sure what became of it after she died, unfortunately.

For the low low price of about $40 you can have one of your very own.

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Christmas/Christmas/Christmas_Trees/Tabletop_Ceramic_Tree/25121

We've ordered things from these folks before, and they are quick, ship carefully, and have a lot of cool hard to find things. I want one of these trees, too - and for the same reason!

[Diane AKA Traska]

Oh, these stories are heartbreaking.    I've learned not to give my MIL anything handmade (she thanks you very politely, but then you never see the item again), but while I'm disappointed because I put so much work and thought into things, she was never mean.

Elfmama, I'd so love a tree like that. You see, my grandmother had one and just the photo made me think of the Christmas afternoons spent at her house. I'm not sure what became of it after she died, unfortunately.

For the low low price of about $40 you can have one of your very own.

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Christmas/Christmas/Christmas_Trees/Tabletop_Ceramic_Tree/25121

We've ordered things from these folks before, and they are quick, ship carefully, and have a lot of cool hard to find things. I want one of these trees, too - and for the same reason!

"Gift wrap not available"  Oh, just what I've always wanted for Christmas... irony!

[CuriousParty]

Oh, these stories are heartbreaking.    I've learned not to give my MIL anything handmade (she thanks you very politely, but then you never see the item again), but while I'm disappointed because I put so much work and thought into things, she was never mean.

Elfmama, I'd so love a tree like that. You see, my grandmother had one and just the photo made me think of the Christmas afternoons spent at her house. I'm not sure what became of it after she died, unfortunately.

For the low low price of about $40 you can have one of your very own.

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/jump/productDetail/Christmas/Christmas/Christmas_Trees/Tabletop_Ceramic_Tree/25121

We've ordered things from these folks before, and they are quick, ship carefully, and have a lot of cool hard to find things. I want one of these trees, too - and for the same reason!

!!!! RebeccainGA!  Thank you!  I wanted one of these when I was a kid, and never got one.  We've been looking on Ebay, but had a hard time finding what we wanted (about a foot tall, for less than 100.00 - they're all 9-10 inches, or 100.00 plus).  Buying mine now...just what I wanted for Christmas, childhood dreams fulfilled

[Outdoor Girl]

(((Hugs))) for all of you who've had your beautiful gifts basically thrown back in your face.

My Dad was a school teacher.  You would not believe some of the ornaments that hung on our tree.     They were always displayed at least the year they were given to my Dad but my Mom always managed to 'lose' the ones she didn't like eventually.

Dad still has 2 of those trees.  One from the mid 70's and the other was made for Christmas, 1989.  That one is almost 2 feet tall!  I'll continue to use them when Dad doesn't need them anymore.  I'm never home for Christmas and I have cats so I don't put up a tree.