Author Topic: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt  (Read 1019464 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

BB-VA

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1260
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5835 on: November 22, 2012, 08:34:34 AM »
^I have also heard my doctor discussing patient information (with the patient) when I was in one examining room with the door shut, and they were in a different one with the door shut.  I don't remember any of it - maybe that is what the doctor is counting on - but the walls and doors, although solid, were not the thickest, and their voices did carry.
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

travestine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 542
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5836 on: November 23, 2012, 06:57:03 PM »
This will be the first year in many years I won't be making handmade gifts for anyone. The last of the people who appreciated them have passed and I'm not making anything for people who don't appreciate the time and effort it takes to paint, stitch, can or craft a handmade item. One year, when I was unemployed and couldn't afford much, I handpainted Christmas cards for all the really special people or families in my life - two dozen cards. Not one person commented on the effort it must have taken to handpaint and personalize a Christmas card - and a couple of those people are artists themselves. I've needlepointed Christmas ornaments that I notice are no longer displayed on Christmas trees (my tree only has handmade or handcrafted ornaments that were gifted to me over the years), I've needlepointed artwork that disappeared into closets after opening, I've canned, I've made personalized crafts - all these in addition to purchased gifts. The handmade items were never acknowledged, but I wanted to do them anyway - I guess because the handmade things that I've received have always meant a lot to me.

This year, now that the last of those who really appreciated anything handmade is gone, I'm stopping my urge to think of what I'm going to make this year. I'll find another use for my time.

I think it is also important to remember that just because it is homemade doesn't mean it will be someone's style. I really don't care if something is storebought or homemade - if I like it I like it and that is all that matters. But I am not a needlepoint type of person so it would have to be something I really really like before I would display it on my wall - whether you made it or bought it. It's not a reflection on you or how much I value you. It's not a reflection that I don't l like any handcrafted things. It just means I don't like that particular type of object. I think it is really important to make sure that the person you are giving something to would appreciate something like that before making it. Personally I think if i spend hours  making something and the person just quietly disposed of it I would be hurt - so I understand that reaction.  So double check they like that kind of thing before starting.

Wolfie, I agree. I would be hurt if somebody didn't like a present that I put a lot of effort in to. I also usually give handmade gifts but there are people in my life who don't like jams and jellies or candles so I find something else to give them. My sister makes and sells extraordinary quilts and wall hangings but one of our grandmothers really doesn't care for quilts so sis has never given her one.

I guess the difference is the appreciation shown between people who appreciate those who make things and people who don't. Because I know the time and effort it takes to concieve of, collect materials and then complete a handcrafted item (whether a painting, handicraft, cooked item, etc.), I express my appreciation for the time, effort and thought, even if the item isn't to my taste. What has upset me in the past is the lack of either acknowledgement of the gift perior or that the gift took any more effort that if I had gone to the store and slapped down a few dollars. THAT'S the main reason why I don't feel inclined to make the effort any longer. I can totally accept if an item isn't to someone's taste (although I do try to make sure I match the gift with the person), but I have a hard time with the gift not being acknowledged.  In fact, I'd be just as happy if they gave it back - after all, people return gifts to shops if they don't like them, right?
"A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."
  Mahatma Ghandi


heathert

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2002
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5837 on: November 23, 2012, 08:03:24 PM »
Is it possible on the hand-painted cards, the recipients didn't realize that you did them yourself?  I would love something like that, speaking personally. 

travestine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 542
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5838 on: November 23, 2012, 11:18:22 PM »
Is it possible on the hand-painted cards, the recipients didn't realize that you did them yourself?  I would love something like that, speaking personally.

They couldn't be missed. I did them individually with acrylics, then used stamps on the inside to make a 'frame', then handwrote a personal message. Each one took at least an hour.

I know I sound rather bitter. It's that, I guess, mixed with some sadness over the loss of the people in my life who used to really love receiving the things I made. And that the people who received the handmade gifts didn't realize that as I made them, I thought of each person I was making the gift for as the gift was being made.

It's really true when people say 'it's the thought that when into it', because when someone makes you a gift, it isn't random, as a rule. If a loved one gives you a gift they made especially for you, you can count on knowing that thoughts of you went into every stitch or every stroke of the brush. That's why it hurts more when a handmade gift is rejected, I think.
"A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."
  Mahatma Ghandi


greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2330
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5839 on: November 23, 2012, 11:29:26 PM »
I generally love homemade gifts.  However, my mother's XMIL who she is still quite close to once made us a toilet paper holder cover - one of the kind where there is a doll torso on top whose crochet skirt covers a tube which holds several rolls of toilet tissue.  It was all kinds of ugly and didn't even fit in my parents' notable lack of a decorative scheme - quite frankly, unless your bathroom was decorated with "red and orange and ugly" in mind, it wouldn't fit anyone's theme.  We cringed both at the object itself and the thought of how much work went into it...fortunately it was mailed to us so we didn't have to disguise our reactions on the spot  ::)

I am appreciative that the statuettes I made for some friends over the past few Christmases are proudly displayed - one of them barely speaks to me anymore as the friendship has cooled, but his roommate told me that he treats the piece as one of the centerpieces of his collection.

My brain-hurt today was the friend who made onion wine.  It will make a great barbecue sauce, but I'm not sure how they were expecting that to be drinkable.

rashea

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9658
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5840 on: November 24, 2012, 10:07:03 AM »

My brain-hurt today was the friend who made onion wine.  It will make a great barbecue sauce, but I'm not sure how they were expecting that to be drinkable.

You'd be surprised. I have a garlic wine that is wonderful. Here's an onion wine recipe. http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/reques99.asp
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

Vermont

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5982
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5841 on: November 24, 2012, 10:23:15 AM »
Is it possible on the hand-painted cards, the recipients didn't realize that you did them yourself?  I would love something like that, speaking personally.

They couldn't be missed. I did them individually with acrylics, then used stamps on the inside to make a 'frame', then handwrote a personal message. Each one took at least an hour.

I know I sound rather bitter. It's that, I guess, mixed with some sadness over the loss of the people in my life who used to really love receiving the things I made. And that the people who received the handmade gifts didn't realize that as I made them, I thought of each person I was making the gift for as the gift was being made.

It's really true when people say 'it's the thought that when into it', because when someone makes you a gift, it isn't random, as a rule. If a loved one gives you a gift they made especially for you, you can count on knowing that thoughts of you went into every stitch or every stroke of the brush. That's why it hurts more when a handmade gift is rejected, I think.

May I PM you my birthdate and age and our anniversary?  :)

We do have some homemade cards that we framed, and I noticed that a couple that I bought (acrylics on thin wooden plaques handmade, but not by me, for one), are being used as Christmas decorations yearly by some in the family. A few hits, some misses, I'm sure.

One lean year I bought good quality 3-cup storage containers and vanilla bean pods from the healthfood stores and sugar to make vanilla sugar, with instructions. I don't remember how long it had to set.

I think I gave about 8 of those. One woman still made the sugar every year to use as topping for cookies and one used it as sugar for all baking and didn't buy anymore extract (refreshing the bean, of course). I've seen the storage container used for leftovers in another's home. I call that a darn good percentage of being a 'hit' for a mass, cheap, homemade gift!

travestine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 542
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5842 on: November 24, 2012, 12:31:33 PM »
Thanks, everybody, I feel much better reading your responses.  :D

 And I must admit, I've received a few clunkers in my day, accepted gracefully, displayed over the holidays and promptly closted until donation was possible! (There are only so many hooked rugs one can display without looking a bit loony)

I've decided it will be cranberry chutney for the immediate family this year - one afternoon's work, quickly consumed over the holidays and rarely rejected.

Thanks again everyone!
"A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."
  Mahatma Ghandi


Jocelyn

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2904
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5843 on: November 24, 2012, 05:57:22 PM »
All the mail delivery ones have reminded me of the mail system in a small town near us where I worked and lived for a time. This is a very small and rural town and their postal carriers refused to deliver by address. They would only deliver by name

Shortly after I moved here, the postman knocked on the door and said, 'I know I was told that all mail to the previous occupants was to be forwarded, and I was only to deliver mail addressed to your name...but do you know this person?' and showed me a package. Thank goodness- my sister was staying with me to help me unpack, and she'd forgotten some medication and had her pharmacy ship it to my address. I thought that was very attentive of the letter carrier, especially since I've been told by a neighbor there were 4 adults with different last names living here previously!

Lovemykids

  • Formerly known as Lovemygirls
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 727
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5844 on: November 25, 2012, 07:48:50 AM »
Is it possible on the hand-painted cards, the recipients didn't realize that you did them yourself?  I would love something like that, speaking personally.

They couldn't be missed. I did them individually with acrylics, then used stamps on the inside to make a 'frame', then handwrote a personal message. Each one took at least an hour.

I know I sound rather bitter. It's that, I guess, mixed with some sadness over the loss of the people in my life who used to really love receiving the things I made. And that the people who received the handmade gifts didn't realize that as I made them, I thought of each person I was making the gift for as the gift was being made.

It's really true when people say 'it's the thought that when into it', because when someone makes you a gift, it isn't random, as a rule. If a loved one gives you a gift they made especially for you, you can count on knowing that thoughts of you went into every stitch or every stroke of the brush. That's why it hurts more when a handmade gift is rejected, I think.

I once received a gorgeous handmade card from one of my patients at the hospital in which I worked.  It was of mixed media and was a scene of the city in which we lived.  I framed it and have displayed it for years in my house.  Recently I found him on Facebook and sent him a message to thank him again for the card.  He was so excited to hear from me -- I'm not sure he remembered me at all, but I think he was thrilled that someone had taken the time to contact him about his work.  So, maybe you'll hear from someone one day that did appreciate your gifts.

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2592
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5845 on: November 25, 2012, 11:09:09 AM »
The mention of handmade items made me remember this:

For his birthday one year, my DH asked for a full-length robe.  I went to several stores, but was unable to find a men's robe longer than knee length.  So I purchased a pattern and material and got down to work the night before after DH left for work on the graveyard shift.  I worked through the night to complete the robe so I could box and wrap it for the big day.  DH came home and opened the box, put on the robe and I thought all was well.

When my birthday rolled around, he blew it off.  During the resulting argument, he said something to the effect of "well, you didn't put much effort into my birthday because you only spent $20."  What!!! >:(  I think either my mom or oldest sister told him the facts of life about handmade gifts, because a few days later he apologized.  He still has the robe.

SoCalVal

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2386
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5846 on: November 25, 2012, 04:23:23 PM »
I'm going to snip the quote tree, but it's much the same when you live in parts of New York state that aren't, well, New York City. :) In fact, I just visited NYC for the first time a few months ago after a lifetime spent in New York state!

A few of mine who grew up in the same hometown (very rural part of the state) went to college out of state and constantly had to deal with people who assumed she was from NYC. When they learned her hometown had more cows than people and one stoplight in the entire municipality, they were dumbfounded. :) One person actually tried to argue with her that she couldn't have grown up in New York, it must have been Pennsylvania or Ohio or something.  :o

Trying to explain that I live in a city in New York state that isn't New York City can get brain-hurty as well.

DF and I are from the SAME state, and he still doesn't understand that growing up in the San Fernando Valley in LA County is not the same as being from Inglewood (also in LA County).

We were watching the Notre Dame/USC game last night, and the announcer mentioned the game was being played at USC, which I noted.

DF - "Where is that, Inglewood?"
Me - "Yes."
DF - "Oh, that's where you're from."
Me -  :o  >:( "Uh, no-o-o, Inglewood is NOTHING like the San Fernando Valley and is not close by." (LA is horrendous for traffic so if you check out the distance, it might seem close by but, really, it could be a two-hour drive to get there from the Valley; in terms of communities, TOTALLY different).

I was very insulted and afraid he'd go around conveying to people that I come from Inglewood since he sometimes has the tendency to process information incorrectly and then tell that info to others.



travestine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 542
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5847 on: November 26, 2012, 02:56:02 PM »

May I PM you my birthdate and age and our anniversary?  :)

We do have some homemade cards that we framed, and I noticed that a couple that I bought (acrylics on thin wooden plaques handmade, but not by me, for one), are being used as Christmas decorations yearly by some in the family. A few hits, some misses, I'm sure.

One lean year I bought good quality 3-cup storage containers and vanilla bean pods from the healthfood stores and sugar to make vanilla sugar, with instructions. I don't remember how long it had to set.

I think I gave about 8 of those. One woman still made the sugar every year to use as topping for cookies and one used it as sugar for all baking and didn't buy anymore extract (refreshing the bean, of course). I've seen the storage container used for leftovers in another's home. I call that a darn good percentage of being a 'hit' for a mass, cheap, homemade gift!
  :-*  At least your birthday!

A number of my Christmas tree ornaments are not necessarily handmade cards, but just beautiful or special cards that I or my son have received. I cut the special part, write on the back who it was from and when it was sent and either mount it if necessary or just put a hook on it. They make really special pieces for the tree. We always have to find "Charlie Brown" type trees with lots of unusual spaces to fit all of our unusually shaped ornaments!
"A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."
  Mahatma Ghandi


darling

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 269
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5848 on: November 26, 2012, 04:30:55 PM »
Practically every conversation I've had with a student today has been brain-hurty. Welcome to the last three weeks of the semester! (nearly time to take more ibuprofen...) All of them have been very nice, just not completely "back from Thanksgiving break" yet.

littlelauraj

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 746
    • My world
Re: Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt
« Reply #5849 on: November 27, 2012, 07:43:16 AM »
My DH came home and hurt my brain last night by sharing a story from work.  My daughters and I make homemade sauces, jams, etc. that he sometimes sells at work.  He keeps a selection in his cube and his workmates will stop by and see what's "in stock".

Well, yesterday one of his co-workers stopped by to pay him for some jam she picked up last week while he was out of the office.  He asked her if she liked the jam?  Well, yes, it was okay at first.  But after a day or two it got really watery.  Well, we like happy customers so he offered her the opportunity to bring it back and get a different one.

She was very happy to be able to get a replacement, and brought the yucky jam back to him.  At which point he just had to ask, "Um, did you put this in the refrigerator once you opened it?"  No, she had not.  Was that necessary?  She had opened a jar of homemade jam and kept it in her cube over the weekend.  DH said it was full of mold.  I asked him why she would think refrigeration was unnecessary for *any* kind of jam, let alone homemade, but he just shook his head.  Made his brain hurt, too.