Exchanges with People that Make Your Brain Hurt

[MrTango]

Thursday, 4 p.m. at a public library:

Customer: "I'm looking for a book."
Me: "Can you tell me the title?"
Customer: "No, just tell me the general area where to look, I'm sure I'll find it."
Me: "I'm afraid I can't help you unless you tell me which book you are looking for."
Customer: "I'd prefer my privacy if you don't mind."
Me: "Sorry, but in that case I cannot help you, you'll have to look it up yourself. Do you want me to show you how the catalog works?"
Customer: "Nevermind. You are very rude, by the way!"

...words! I have none!

Customer: "No, just tell me the general area where to look, I'm sure I'll find it."
Evil Tango: "You might try on one of the shelves in the building."

[mmswm]

During my time at MajorBank I had quite a few exchanges that made by brain hurt and all followed a similar pattern. It was usually something like this:

Banker: My customer wants you to do X to fix the problem.
Me:  I'd love to do that, but I can't.  It's against the law.
Banker: My customer is threatening to close all his accounts if we don't do X.
Me: I'd really love to oblige your customer, and we really do love our customers, but not enough to break the law for them.
Banker: Are you sure you can't do X?
Me: I'm positive.  Here, I'm sending you an email that has the portion of the UCC that deals with this.
(Banker reads the code)
Banker: But are you sure you can't do X?

[cabbageweevil]

Nearly every person that moves to my area (plus any local teens who haven't come across this info before) eventually has the same brain-hurty conversation.

BG: About an hour from MyTown, out in the middle of a desert, is a nuclear research facility, which is commonly referred to as The Site.  Among the many people who work there are those who are training to serve on Navy nuclear-powered submarines.  So we get some version of the following:

Local: blah, blah, blah Navy guys.
Newcomer: Navy??
Local: Yeah, *short explanation*
Newcomer: Oh, ok.  Wait-- sailors.  Stationed in the middle of a desert.  *sproiinnng*

Way back when, I went with several people in a college class to a town in the middle-of-nowhere Nevada, for a research project.  In the evening, we all headed for the only casino in town.

The biggest employer in the town was the Navy, which had a training facility in the area for pilots--enough desolation so they could practice using weapons.  Nevada has no ocean. A lot of it is desert. Military people being military people, the Navy stationed law enforcement officers in the casino to help with security. The Navy calls these "Shore Patrol," because the main function is to "make certain that sailors on liberty do not become too rowdy." That's mostly in a port town, not in the middle of the desert.

Same kind of thing in the UK, on a much smaller geographical scale.  Britain's Royal Navy has various establishments and facilities based on shore, sometimes a long way inland; traditionally, these are officially titled "H.M.S. [Her Majesty's Ship] [insert name]..."  People here generally just reckon, in a slightly bemused way, that nautical types can be a bit strange...

[lady_disdain]

I am constantly amazed by the number of recipes I see that call for canned mushrooms. Mushrooms are inexpensive and plentiful in my area, and we go through 3 pounds a week.

My DH makes my brain hurt as he complains about the cost of milk ($4/gal) and eggs ($2.50/dozen), but has no qualms on buying pomegranate juice ($10/2 liters) or whey powder ($8/lb). I still send him to the store when needed. 

They are very expensive here, though, and I can only find fresh shiitake, shimeji, portobello and paris.

I understand. I generally buy crimini mushrooms. We have a strain of Hobbit in our family, DH and DS love them raw too.

I love raw mushrooms, sliced in a salad with spinach, olives and cheese. With a nice dressing. Sorry! I got carried away there. I am still trying to find an occasion that would justify making Pioneer Woman's burgundy mushrooms. They look so delicious!

Back to head hurts! We also have naval bases that are classified as ships (because of a whole range of reasons). The fun part is that they must follow a lot of the ship protocols, including, for example, having the "crew" line up on "the ship's deck" to welcome official visitors. In practice, it means that the staff has to line up along the fence, just as if it were the railings of a ship.

[nekoro]

The way our billing system cycles can be confusing for customers, I understand.  But this customer went off the rails midway through the conversation, and I never found her again. We generate and mail out bills on the 1st of each month.  We operate under the official assumption that customers will receive their bills by no later than the 15th, and bills are due on the 25th.  If we haven't received your payment by the last day of the month, the bill we generate on the 1st of the next month includes a blurb about how that is now considered past due, and we add that amount to your current bill.  Thus, if you haven't paid your January bill by the 31st of January, your February bill includes Jan+Feb to become your total. 

Now, if we get your payment after we generate your bill, but before you get it, you will get a bill including the amount that you already paid.  Enter the customer.

Customer: "I have this bill from you that says I never paid for January, but I mailed out the check on the 20th."
Me: "All right, I do show that we received your payment on January 31st, it looks like our billing system sent out your February bill before that had fully posted, which is why it's showing on your February bill.  I do apologize for that, I'll make sure you don't see any late fees, and all you owe is the amount for February, which is $X."
Customer: "But I don't understand, why would you add that amount to my February bill when I paid it?"

I explain the above information to the customer, apologize again, and tell them that it took about 24 hours for the payment to get from our mailroom to our billing system, by which point the new bill was generated.

Customer: "But I mailed that payment on the 20th!  Why did it take so long for you to put it in the system?"
Me: "Well, that's something that you would need to take up with the Postal Service.  If you mailed it on the 20th and it took 11 days to get to us, then the delay happened with them."
Customer: "But I don't understand why it wouldn't be in your system until the 31st."
Me: "...Well, because the post office took that long to get the check to us."
Customer: "But I mailed it on the 20th!  Why don't you have it in your system that I paid on the 20th?"
Me: "...Because we didn't get it on the 20th.  We got it on the 31st."
Customer: "But your system should list it for the day that I mailed it!"
Me: "I definitely see where you're coming from, but unfortunately, we can't list the payment in our system until we get it.  I get that once you've mailed it, you consider it paid, but we don't consider it paid until we actually get the check."
Customer: "I don't understand this.  It doesn't make any sense.  You should accept the payment for the day I paid it." Click.

I'm condensing slightly, we actually went around about 3 times before the customer gave up.

[gramma dishes]

^^^

Translation ~~

Customer:  "Well, I dated the check the 20th but didn't actually mail it out until the 27th."    

[PastryGoddess]

^^^

Translation ~~

Customer:  "Well, I dated the check the 20th but didn't actually mail it out until the 27th."    

You beat me to it

[mmswm]

I've seen that situation several times before when I was working loans/lines. It got even worse with new regulations that required us to send out the new bills on lines of credit 27 (I think) days before the due date. If your payment for the previous month was more than a few days late, the next bill would show it as unpaid, since we had to generate the bill so early.  This was made even worse when the type of account involved had a grace period where a late payment didn't generate a fee.

So, lets say that a payment due date was the 15th with a 10 day grace.  We had to send the bill out no later than the 18th or 19th.  If you regularly pay the bill on the 25th (the last day of your grace) you will get a  bill every month with the "late" payment and the "new" payment listed as due. I can't tell you the number of times I went 'round in circles on this one.  I was so glad to move into a department with no customer contact.  I don't do well with customers.

[hobish]

During my time at MajorBank I had quite a few exchanges that made by brain hurt and all followed a similar pattern. It was usually something like this:

Banker: My customer wants you to do X to fix the problem.
Me:  I'd love to do that, but I can't.  It's against the law.
Banker: My customer is threatening to close all his accounts if we don't do X.
Me: I'd really love to oblige your customer, and we really do love our customers, but not enough to break the law for them.
Banker: Are you sure you can't do X?
Me: I'm positive.  Here, I'm sending you an email that has the portion of the UCC that deals with this.
(Banker reads the code)
Banker: But are you sure you can't do X?

That definitely sounds familiar. I do underwriting for a mortgage company, specifically in condos and co-ops. The things people want me to do… ! And now I am working on a pilot program that I love, so all my loans are co-ops, and they are all in the same general area. The new argument is, “but my customer is a high profile client with a lot of money invested.” Um … yeah … they’re all Upper East Side apartments … ALL of them are high profile clients with a lot of money invested.

[Mental Magpie]

A coworker related this to me today.  She knew a man who would not let his children watch/read The Chronicles of Narnia because he said it involved witchcraft and denounced God.

For those of you who don't know, The Chronicles is a giant affirmation of the Christian God and fully supports those beliefs.

[StarDrifter]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant right now, and thankfully Husband's workplace has a fantastic paternitly leave scheme in place - he just has to apply for it.

In order to do this, he needs to get a medical certificate stating our estimated due date (April 15th-ish) so that he can start his leave within 2 weeks of that date. Obviously he'd like this certificate sooner rather than later in order to have everything lined up early just in case BabyDrifter decides to get here early.

So! I called my doctors' office to make an appointment for myself and spoke to the receptionist... and this is where my brain started to get sort of hurty.

I explained to the receptionist that I just needed to see my GP to get the EDD certificate for my Husband's workplace. Conversation went as follows:

Me: Hi I'd like to make an appointment with Dr GP.
Receptionist: Yes, certainly (gives dates available) ...unless it's an emergency?
Me: No, I just need to get him a certificate from my GP about Baby's due date for his paternity leave.
R: Does your Husband have a GP
Me: Yes... why?
R: Who is his GP?
Me: Dr Such'n'Such (happens to be at the same practice)
R: So you'd like to make an appointment for your husband to see Dr Such'n'Such.
Me: No, I'd like to make an appointment for myself with Dr GP.
R: But you said that the certificate would be for your Husband?
Me: Yes, but it's with regard to when I'm giving birth.
R: Okay, well, when would suit your Husband to come and see Dr Such'n'Such?
Me: Uh, he doesn't need to see Dr Such'n'Such, I need to see Dr GP. Next Monday, please, you said he was free around noon?
R: Okay, I can do that, and did you also want me to book in your Husband with Dr Such'n'Such?
Me: No, I'll, erm, I'll have to check when he's free.
R: Okay! We'll see you next Monday!

--so apparently Husband has to see his Doctor to get a certificate about when I am going to give birth, even though Dr Such'n'Such would not know me from Adam and has had nothing whatsoever to do with my prenatal care?--

[Slartibartfast]

Your medical practice wouldn't be associated with my insurance company, would they?  My first ultrasound got billed in DH's name by mistake - and got rejected because the insurance company claimed his pregnancy was a "pre-existing condition."

[mmswm]

Your medical practice wouldn't be associated with my insurance company, would they?  My first ultrasound got billed in DH's name by mistake - and got rejected because the insurance company claimed his pregnancy was a "pre-existing condition."

My brain isn't just broken, but shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces.

[StarDrifter]

That's the most bizarre part, in my mind... I'm in Australia and we (as a couple) have chosen to only have limited private health cover, so everything to do with this baby is being covered by Medicare, so it's all free/minimal charge... and Husband has had nothing to do with it except for sitting in on one of the ultrasounds. He's at work when I have most of my appointments, so obviously can't come to them. So his name's not even on anything except where he's listed as my emergency contact - my doctors and midwives haven't even required that I fill out the 'father' section because it's not relevant until BabyDrifter's birth certificate is being applied for.

[cabbageweevil]

A coworker related this to me today.  She knew a man who would not let his children watch/read The Chronicles of Narnia because he said it involved witchcraft and denounced God.

For those of you who don't know, The Chronicles is a giant affirmation of the Christian God and fully supports those beliefs.

I suspect a slight case of confusion between Lewis / Rowling and Narnia / Hogwarts (not that I perceive the latter as being in any way out to denounce God)...