My beer.

[scooter2071]

Maybe I'm seflish but whatever.
My husband and I made a special trip to a beer distributer to choose our poison for New Year's celebrating. I picked a type of beer I love but is rare to come by in our area, thus requiring the special trip (about 30 miles out of town).
Before the festivities begin, FIL and newwife come over to grace us with their presence, FIL spies my 12 pack, unopened. DH offers him a beer, we have a variety for our guests. No, he wants MY beer. I grumble something about having to go all the way to XYZ to obtain it, after he senses my hesitancy and informs me to just go out and get some more later. Fine, take a freakin' beer.
Next day, they stop by again. There are about 6 beers left of MINE, he proceeds to open a few and pass them out to his newwife (who doesn't even want it, pours it out and opens a Labatt), and some other guests of HIS who probably would've done fine with the Newcastle and ample amounts of Labatts. Happy Freakin' New Year. These are in in-laws that gifted DH with a used set of tools for Christmas, BTW. New Year's Day we are in the company of other extended family and some chops bustin' ensues regarding a certain power tool amongst the men. FIL gets bend out of shape because Uncle is teasing him about his condition of one of his tools, DH recently purchased a new one. FIL grumbles something about DH ruining his tools and buying new for himself (not true), DH says fine, you 'll get one for Father's Day and FIL says 'Yeah, you'd probably buy a new one and keep that one for yourself and give me the old one!' It was comincal because newwife says 'Whats wrong with that?' and I'm thinking, you jerk--thats what YOU did and proceed to imply my DH has/will do it... It took all my stength to refrain from saying something snotty. FIL cuts down his kids to make himself look better but any sane person can see what hes doing and it just makes him look like a jerk.

Etiquette Question:
If someone asks for a certain refreshment and you are not inclined to share, do you have to oblige? If there is a reasonable substitute purchased specifically for guests? It was a BYOB situation anyway but we have other stuff on hand if people came over empty handed or ran out.

[behindbj]

It is generally not considered polite to have differing levels of refreshments for you and your guests.  If it was in plain sight, then it's fair game.  If you still wanted to keep it for yourself, then you should place it somewhere else and pour it into a glass when you want to drink it.

So, no.  It's not correct to do this with guests.

behindbj

[sweedetobee]

This is a tricky one to me.

On the one hand it sounds like you had plenty of refreshments for your guests and you clearly did have to make a special trip and probably pay a special price (in gas at least!) for this holiday treat for yourself.

On the other hand if your guests saw it, it is very awkward to say "you have to have something else while I drink this." It makes your guests feel like they're second class. Even if you don't like them you have to be a polite hostess.

If it were me I would have had my special stuff hidden away so no one else would even think to ask for it. I would not have drank/eaten it in front of anyone else. If I was really that deperate for a drink of the special beer I would have poured it into a glass up in my bedroom where I was hiding my special beer stash - then no one would know what I was drinking.

So my answer is sort of - if a guest sees a refreshment then you are generally obligated to serve it unless the guest is asking for the vintage wine that you're saving for your 50th anniversarry, in which case you shouldn't have the bottle out to begin with......

But I would have been upset if I were you!

[AdakAK]

I think that if you don't want to share something then you should not put it out with the offered items.  I think it borders on rude that you would have beers only for yourself, and drink it in front of those you are unwilling to share it with.  It seems like they are not good enough to share your drink.  I would either drink it at another time, or buy enough that you can share with any of your guests who might be drinking your beer.

Susan

[ShadesOfGrey]

Thanks for including an etiquette question.  My dad puts special items in his basemint fridge, and thus away from guests.  HE gets them drinks (even if they are good friends who drop by often).  If this isnt an option for you, then I say, guests need to deal with what they are offered.  If you dont offer them THAT beer, then they shouldnt ask for it.  If they do, I think it is perfectly acceptable to say "Oh sorry, that's for another occasion. How about some XXX?" That being said, once it was given to him, it was your job as hostess to offer it graciously.  I think it was rude of him to go for it again after the (rude (bc it was grumbling)) comment you made the day before, but again, some people are just rude in general.  Just because they may help themselves does NOT mean that your fridge is an open shopping spree.  That also being said, if the beer was placed near other beer that WAS being offered, or out in the open in any way, then I can understand FIL's confusion/misunderstanding of what was being offered.  

I say be more protective over who you allow to open your fridge, and speak up politely when something is off limits and you shouldnt face this problem in the future.  

good luck.

ETA: Perhaps I misunderstood the point of the OP, so I just want to add that it is in NO way polite to drink refreshments that your guests cant have.  If you are saving the beer for another occasion (even if that occasion is 'tuesday'), then I think it's fine to not offer it to guests.

[Sterling]

Maybe I misread but I don't think the poster was drinking the beer in front of anyone.  I think this person helped themselves to what they wanted.  To me that is rude.  Especially handing it out to others that don't want it just to make a point as the man did.  he gave one to someone who threw it out and got something different just because he knew it was special.

[Hawkwatcher]

It is generally not considered polite to have differing levels of refreshments for you and your guests.  If it was in plain sight, then it's fair game.  If you still wanted to keep it for yourself, then you should place it somewhere else and pour it into a glass when you want to drink it.

So, no.  It's not correct to do this with guests.

behindbj

If I am reading this post correctly, the OP's FIL and his new wife arrived before the party started.  The OP may not have had the opportunity to put the beer away.  In this case, I think that it is perfectly acceptable to tell the FIL, "No, I am saving this beer for a special occasion" and then the OP could put the beer away so that the guests who arrive on time will not be confused.

[platys]

I took:

My husband and I made a special trip to a beer distributer to choose our poison for New Year's celebrating.

To mean that they were drinking the beer in front of their guests, who presumably were also celebrating.

If that is the case, then I would say that the OP was rude to drink a refreshment that they aren't willing to offer to other people in front of other people.

Edit:  I didn't get the idea that it was a BYOB occassion - they said that they had other beer to offer to guests.  Besides, I don't think I've ever been to a party where folks who brought their own weren't willing to share (with the caveat that others of course, brought their own as well, and are also sharing).

[CocoCamm]

I'm a little torn over this one as I have been on both sides. One time I went over an aquitances house and she got herself a tasty alcoholic beverage and proceeded to drink it in front of me all the while proclaiming how tasty the new flavor was. I was sorely tempted to reply with "I wouldnt know" but that would have been rude.  I know its kind of petty but that action was part of the reason why we never became friends. I just cant stand that kind of "mine, mine, mine" behavior.

On the flip side:
I keep my liquor in my china closet (classy I know, but I'm short on space) so if you venture in my dining room (which you need to pass through to get into the kitchen) there be all my booze  Now most of the time I have absolutely no problem sharing but there are times that I flat out dont want to but I feel pressured because its right there.

Now to actually answer the question:

I think its fine to not offer something that you dont want to serve (whatever that might be) but you absolutely cant partake of it in front of your guests and it shouldnt be in plain sight (as in right next the things that are being served). Hope that helps~Sorry for the long post!

[ladiedeathe]

Scooter,

If you weren't drinking the beer, and you weren't going to open one in front of anyone that night then you would have been perfectly ok saying something like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to put those away. Those are a gift for Fred. We have Brand x, y, or Z for the party- what would you like?" Then get them drinks and put the beer you like away (You could have quietly poured one in a glass for yourself later). If the person is horribly rude enough to beg for one anyway, simply repeat- "I'm sorry, you must not have heard me. Those are a not for the party. Now would you like X,Y, or Z?"

If, however, you had thoughts of drinking the beer yourself, openly, and simply telling the guests "No, this is for me not you. I went to a lot of trouble to get it," then it's straight to ehell you go, unfortunately. This is the same thing as inviting people to dinner and serving yourselves steak and them hamburger- because you were the hosts, and did buy beer for guests (even though it was BYOB) you cannot reserve the "best" beer for yourselves (at least not visibly). If you weren't providing beer for anyone then you would have been marginally okay saying no, but come on. I know amongst my group of friends we do a lot of BYOB, and someone always wants to taste someone else's beer. Those who don't want to lose 5 of 6 bottles of their precious special beverage don't bring it.

When stopping in the next day, you said your FIL passed around what was left of the beer- serving people who were guests in your home. It is the host's responsibility to offer guests food/drinks (or not)- not anyone elses. You would have been perfectly fine to say "I'm sorry, we are not drinking those today. We do have X, Y, and Z- what would everyone like?" Again- it would not be fine for you to sit drinking a "special" beer and telling people "No, these are not for you."

[ZipTheWonder]

How did he know about the special beer?   

[Brentwood]

I can't contribute to the etiquette aspect any more than anyone else has, but I have a burning curiosity about what kind of beer it was.

[Lisbeth]

I do agree that it is rude of guests to go through your refrigerator and cabinets, take out things you didn't take out, and help themselves to them.

However, I think that once you do put something out, it has to be made available to any guest who asks for it.

[scooter2071]

It was actually stored in the fridge, guest beer was stored in a cooler w. ice for easy access. They arrived way before the party was scheduled to begin, stayed long enough to guzzle one of mine and went off to another event (before our 'real' guests arrived). Returned the next day, rummaged through the fridge and handed the rest to guests that were not ours, but ones that they had brought over with them that we don't know well.
Had an invited guest asked for one during the party, I would have been forthcoming and shared. I actually moved the beer in the community cooler but guests were satisfied with what they had brought.
I should have taken the high road and just handed them over with out the grumbling but I was miffed.

[scooter2071]

It was just a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, not expensive but not widely distributed where we are.