General Etiquette > Family and Children

My beer.

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scooter2071:
Maybe I'm seflish but whatever.
My husband and I made a special trip to a beer distributer to choose our poison for New Year's celebrating. I picked a type of beer I love but is rare to come by in our area, thus requiring the special trip (about 30 miles out of town).
Before the festivities begin, FIL and newwife come over to grace us with their presence, FIL spies my 12 pack, unopened. DH offers him a beer, we have a variety for our guests. No, he wants MY beer. I grumble something about having to go all the way to XYZ to obtain it, after he senses my hesitancy and informs me to just go out and get some more later. Fine, take a freakin' beer.
Next day, they stop by again. There are about 6 beers left of MINE, he proceeds to open a few and pass them out to his newwife (who doesn't even want it, pours it out and opens a Labatt), and some other guests of HIS who probably would've done fine with the Newcastle and ample amounts of Labatts. Happy Freakin' New Year. These are in in-laws that gifted DH with a used set of tools for Christmas, BTW. New Year's Day we are in the company of other extended family and some chops bustin' ensues regarding a certain power tool amongst the men. FIL gets bend out of shape because Uncle is teasing him about his condition of one of his tools, DH recently purchased a new one. FIL grumbles something about DH ruining his tools and buying new for himself (not true), DH says fine, you 'll get one for Father's Day and FIL says 'Yeah, you'd probably buy a new one and keep that one for yourself and give me the old one!' It was comincal because newwife says 'Whats wrong with that?' and I'm thinking, you jerk--thats what YOU did and proceed to imply my DH has/will do it... It took all my stength to refrain from saying something snotty. FIL cuts down his kids to make himself look better but any sane person can see what hes doing and it just makes him look like a jerk.

Etiquette Question:
If someone asks for a certain refreshment and you are not inclined to share, do you have to oblige? If there is a reasonable substitute purchased specifically for guests? It was a BYOB situation anyway but we have other stuff on hand if people came over empty handed or ran out.

behindbj:
It is generally not considered polite to have differing levels of refreshments for you and your guests.  If it was in plain sight, then it's fair game.  If you still wanted to keep it for yourself, then you should place it somewhere else and pour it into a glass when you want to drink it.

So, no.  It's not correct to do this with guests.

behindbj

sweedetobee:
This is a tricky one to me.

On the one hand it sounds like you had plenty of refreshments for your guests and you clearly did have to make a special trip and probably pay a special price (in gas at least!) for this holiday treat for yourself.

On the other hand if your guests saw it, it is very awkward to say "you have to have something else while I drink this." It makes your guests feel like they're second class. Even if you don't like them you have to be a polite hostess.

If it were me I would have had my special stuff hidden away so no one else would even think to ask for it. I would not have drank/eaten it in front of anyone else. If I was really that deperate for a drink of the special beer I would have poured it into a glass up in my bedroom where I was hiding my special beer stash - then no one would know what I was drinking.

So my answer is sort of - if a guest sees a refreshment then you are generally obligated to serve it unless the guest is asking for the vintage wine that you're saving for your 50th anniversarry, in which case you shouldn't have the bottle out to begin with......

But I would have been upset if I were you!

AdakAK:
I think that if you don't want to share something then you should not put it out with the offered items.  I think it borders on rude that you would have beers only for yourself, and drink it in front of those you are unwilling to share it with.  It seems like they are not good enough to share your drink.  I would either drink it at another time, or buy enough that you can share with any of your guests who might be drinking your beer.

Susan

ShadesOfGrey:
Thanks for including an etiquette question.  My dad puts special items in his basemint fridge, and thus away from guests.  HE gets them drinks (even if they are good friends who drop by often).  If this isnt an option for you, then I say, guests need to deal with what they are offered.  If you dont offer them THAT beer, then they shouldnt ask for it.  If they do, I think it is perfectly acceptable to say "Oh sorry, that's for another occasion. How about some XXX?" That being said, once it was given to him, it was your job as hostess to offer it graciously.  I think it was rude of him to go for it again after the (rude (bc it was grumbling)) comment you made the day before, but again, some people are just rude in general.  Just because they may help themselves does NOT mean that your fridge is an open shopping spree.  That also being said, if the beer was placed near other beer that WAS being offered, or out in the open in any way, then I can understand FIL's confusion/misunderstanding of what was being offered.  

I say be more protective over who you allow to open your fridge, and speak up politely when something is off limits and you shouldnt face this problem in the future.  

good luck.

ETA: Perhaps I misunderstood the point of the OP, so I just want to add that it is in NO way polite to drink refreshments that your guests cant have.  If you are saving the beer for another occasion (even if that occasion is 'tuesday'), then I think it's fine to not offer it to guests.

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