Author Topic: Secret Admirer - What should I do?  (Read 9090 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« on: December 23, 2011, 10:32:09 PM »
I will keep this as bare bones as possible, but can fill in details as needed.  Cliffs Notes are that my husband killed himself in July.  I started dating my BF in September.  For various reasons, we are not hiding our relationship but have not made it extremely public until recently.  However, anyone that actually knows me well is aware that I am happily dating my BF.

Today, as I was leaving for Christmas with my daughter and my family (and not BF) my doorbeel rang.  It was a 20-something woman with a dozen artistically displayed roses for me, with a card that said on the outside a close spelling of my last name (which can double as a first name phonetically) and on the inside a blank card that said in scrolled handwriting (that to me appeared like a young girl's) "Y.S.A." 

I think the flowers (which are very nice and probably expensive) are from a secret admirer not my BF and I am freaked out, especially because they came to my house.  To add to the mystery, I am well aware that several of my late husband's friends are "interested" as are various other people who are aware I was widowed. But I have no idea who the flowers are from.

I feel weird.  I don't want to tell my BF, but I probably should, but tell him what? Do I ask various people if they sent the roses or just wait to see what happens?  I am afraid this will rock the boat with my BF and I don't want that.  :(  Any thoughts or advice appreciated.  Thank you!

Jess13

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 524
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2011, 10:38:31 PM »
My first thought is, if something unsolicited such as this will "rock the boat" with your BF, then your relationship isn't very stable.

That said, I would tell him, if only because if he found out some other way, it would look like you tried to hide it.

Make it clear to him that you're freaked out about this because then he'll know that you're not ok with it and realize you're committed to him.

Hope that helps.
 

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2011, 10:44:08 PM »
I didn't mean rock the boat in the sense of he would blame me for it, just that it is awkward to have gorgeous roses of unknown origin and I would have preferred to not have to deal with this. My BF is mature and not jealous - he is well aware of the interest in me from various avenues and is not insecure, which I love.  Apparently a youngish widow is somewhat fetishized!

I will tell him in a "you would never guess what happened - weird and I am freaked out!" kinda way.

Kaymyth

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 928
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2011, 11:04:59 PM »
I didn't mean rock the boat in the sense of he would blame me for it, just that it is awkward to have gorgeous roses of unknown origin and I would have preferred to not have to deal with this. My BF is mature and not jealous - he is well aware of the interest in me from various avenues and is not insecure, which I love.  Apparently a youngish widow is somewhat fetishized!

I will tell him in a "you would never guess what happened - weird and I am freaked out!" kinda way.

Ewww.  The implications are just....ewwwwwwww.  "Haha!  This woman is emotionally vulnerable and more likely to respond to my overtures.  I want her now, so I am going after her!  She will not resist my charms, because she's vulnerable and stuff!"

Excuse me while I go scrub my brain.  Ugh.

Tell your boyfriend.  Let yourself freak out and rant a bit, because it'll be good to get it out of your system.  And then find out who sent the roses, and make it crystal clear that this nonsense.  Stops. Now.



Raintree

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6086
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2011, 02:45:48 AM »
Are you sure it wasn't your BF?

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2011, 05:34:10 AM »
Maybe I'm naive, maybe it's the spirit of Christmas making me all positive and warm and whatnot, but my first thought was that "secret admirer" doesn't need to be anything creepy, necessarily.

I hardly know you, TurtleDove, but heck, *I* admire you, in a totally non-creepy way. I admire you for how you have soldiered through the ordeal life has presented you with in the past year, and how you have found the strength to give your life a positive turn. I'm sure many people you know in real life have seen you doing this and admire you for it too, in a non-romantic, non-stalkerish, non-icky way. Maybe the roses come from one (or even a group) of them.

shhh its me

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7066
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2011, 08:04:26 AM »
   Ignore the handwritting, it was likely written by the person who took the flower order.

Don't freak out yet , you've had a really bad time it could really be a random act of kindness.  I think you can ask the flower shop exaclty where the order came from , tell them it frieghtened you a bit.

   I don't think asking a few close friends would be inapproriate , I wouldn't add " I think  they were for someone who has a fetish for widows" if you say  that you will likely never be told.    Just go with  "Not knowing who they are from and what that person is thinking is making you nervous and inteferring with you ablity to enjoy what was likely a very kind gesture."

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17949
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2011, 05:01:21 AM »
of course tell your bf. maybe it is from him?

I will keep this as bare bones as possible, but can fill in details as needed.  Cliffs Notes are that my husband killed himself in July.  I started dating my BF in September.  For various reasons, we are not hiding our relationship but have not made it extremely public until recently.  However, anyone that actually knows me well is aware that I am happily dating my BF.

Today, as I was leaving for Christmas with my daughter and my family (and not BF) my doorbeel rang.  It was a 20-something woman with a dozen artistically displayed roses for me, with a card that said on the outside a close spelling of my last name (which can double as a first name phonetically) and on the inside a blank card that said in scrolled handwriting (that to me appeared like a young girl's) "Y.S.A." 

I think the flowers (which are very nice and probably expensive) are from a secret admirer not my BF and I am freaked out, especially because they came to my house.  To add to the mystery, I am well aware that several of my late husband's friends are "interested" as are various other people who are aware I was widowed. But I have no idea who the flowers are from.

I feel weird.  I don't want to tell my BF, but I probably should, but tell him what? Do I ask various people if they sent the roses or just wait to see what happens?  I am afraid this will rock the boat with my BF and I don't want that.  :(  Any thoughts or advice appreciated.  Thank you!

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

DollyPond

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 681
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2011, 10:16:46 AM »
I didn't mean rock the boat in the sense of he would blame me for it, just that it is awkward to have gorgeous roses of unknown origin and I would have preferred to not have to deal with this. My BF is mature and not jealous - he is well aware of the interest in me from various avenues and is not insecure, which I love.  Apparently a youngish widow is somewhat fetishized!

I will tell him in a "you would never guess what happened - weird and I am freaked out!" kinda way.

Ewww.  The implications are just....ewwwwwwww.  "Haha!  This woman is emotionally vulnerable and more likely to respond to my overtures.  I want her now, so I am going after her!  She will not resist my charms, because she's vulnerable and stuff!"

Excuse me while I go scrub my brain.  Ugh.


This happened to a friend of mine.  She was a young widow and received A LOT of unwanted overtures.  Men she didn't even know at all called her on the phone.  Apparently there are weirdos who scan the obituaries - too creepy.  Also her late husbands "friends" flocked around her like flies.

The Wild One, Forever

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1855
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #9 on: December 25, 2011, 11:47:53 AM »
Maybe I'm naive, maybe it's the spirit of Christmas making me all positive and warm and whatnot, but my first thought was that "secret admirer" doesn't need to be anything creepy, necessarily.

I hardly know you, TurtleDove, but heck, *I* admire you, in a totally non-creepy way. I admire you for how you have soldiered through the ordeal life has presented you with in the past year, and how you have found the strength to give your life a positive turn. I'm sure many people you know in real life have seen you doing this and admire you for it too, in a non-romantic, non-stalkerish, non-icky way. Maybe the roses come from one (or even a group) of them.

I second Amava's sentiments. 

Don't let the random roses spoil your holidays!  If it does indeed turn out that they are from a wanna-be suitor, I'm sure you'll handle your business.  And, definitely tell your boyfriend.    ;)
Soft silly music is meaningful, magical

poundcake

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1353
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #10 on: December 25, 2011, 07:37:19 PM »
If having the flowers around makes you feel strange, you can donate them to a rest home or other kind of care facility.

Even if it's a misguided person's attempt to say "I admire you" and not a creeper hitting on you, in this day and age, anonymous gifts have to be considered inappropriate.

Iris

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3867
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2011, 08:02:52 PM »
Maybe I'm naive, maybe it's the spirit of Christmas making me all positive and warm and whatnot, but my first thought was that "secret admirer" doesn't need to be anything creepy, necessarily.

I hardly know you, TurtleDove, but heck, *I* admire you, in a totally non-creepy way. I admire you for how you have soldiered through the ordeal life has presented you with in the past year, and how you have found the strength to give your life a positive turn. I'm sure many people you know in real life have seen you doing this and admire you for it too, in a non-romantic, non-stalkerish, non-icky way. Maybe the roses come from one (or even a group) of them.

I second Amava's sentiments. 

Don't let the random roses spoil your holidays!  If it does indeed turn out that they are from a wanna-be suitor, I'm sure you'll handle your business.  And, definitely tell your boyfriend.    ;)

POD It may all just turn out to be some Cakewrecks style mess up on a phone order.  ;D
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Tierrainney

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 952
  • Where the swans winter
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #12 on: December 26, 2011, 02:36:10 PM »
   Ignore the hand writting, it was likely written by the person who took the flower order.



Yes, don't pay any attention to the hand writting. If the flowers were ordered by phone or internet, the card is written by someone at the Florist shop. When we were first engaged, my to be IL sent flowers. I could understand misspelling my name, but their son's very easy name was misspelled as were several of the words, like congratulations.

I would simply tell your boyfriend about them. Perhaps he did send them. But if he didn't, he should still know in case anything more creepy happens.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #13 on: December 26, 2011, 03:33:49 PM »
I told my BF, who was actually flattered that his GF is in such high demand! He suspects it is the father of my child, but I asked him and he said, "I wish I would have, but no, not me!"  I asked some other likely suspects and they all said something similar:  "I wish I would have sent you roses!  But I didn't."

I still don't know who sent them, but unless something else happens I will just take it as a sweet Christmas "I want her to feel good" gesture from someone.  :)

I will of course update if anything else happens!  It is kinda exciting I guess!

delphinium

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 351
Re: Secret Admirer - What should I do?
« Reply #14 on: December 26, 2011, 04:14:58 PM »
I didn't mean rock the boat in the sense of he would blame me for it, just that it is awkward to have gorgeous roses of unknown origin and I would have preferred to not have to deal with this. My BF is mature and not jealous - he is well aware of the interest in me from various avenues and is not insecure, which I love.  Apparently a youngish widow is somewhat fetishized!

I will tell him in a "you would never guess what happened - weird and I am freaked out!" kinda way.

 The implications are just....ewwwwwwww.  "Haha!  This woman is emotionally vulnerable and more likely to respond to my overtures.  I want her now, so I am going after her!  She will not resist my charms, because she's vulnerable and stuff!"

Excuse me while I go scrub my brain.  Ugh.


This happened to a friend of mine.  She was a young widow and received A LOT of unwanted overtures.  Men she didn't even know at all called her on the phone.  Apparently there are weirdos who scan the obituaries - too creepy.  Also her late husbands "friends" flocked around her like flies.
I have heard that this is quite common -  it seems a lot of married men hit on the new widow.  Thinking, I suppose, that she is sexually frustrated and needs some "lovin."  And he is just the man to provide it...ewwww