Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?

[NyaChan]

I guess for me,  if I indicated I wanted to start at a certain time and no one objected, there is no reason why I shouldn't go ahead as planned.  If I announced a particular time and someone mentioned "oh that's really early" the nice but certainly not obligatory thing to do would be to be flexible if that time isn't absolutely necessary.  OP could have been more flexible, but I don't think she knew of any reason why flexibility was needed.

It was the OP's home and the MIL was a guest.  Usually the host gets to dictate the menu and timing of things as long as they are not unreasonable, in which case it is the guest's prerogative to leave or decline to attend.  MIL could have said something or declined to participate, but chose not to.  Instead, she just stayed upstairs the next morning even though she was already awake, causing delay to the proceedings.  That's why I wondered if there was a bit of P/A behavior going on - it'd be another thing if she was still sleeping and didn't realize she was late.  She knew it was past the time they agreed on, but for whatever reason, didn't come down as was agreed upon.

[Vilandra]

OP here--I'm very interested by the responses!  Let me clarify a bit.  First off, we were opening presents so early (before DD's first nap) because of MIL, and only because of MIL.  She came into town at dinnertime on Christmas Eve and only stayed until 10am.  That was completely on her and her boyfriend's schedule, and in fact I was (privately) upset and disappointed that she stayed for such a short time.  If she had been staying longer, or hadn't been there at all, we would have opened presents later in the day after DD's first nap (or done a present or two, and then the rest later).  She made it clear that she was here to see DD open presents for her first Christmas.

What frustrated me was that we were having to rush and open presents before 8am because of her, and she made even that less than enjoyable.  I would have much preferred to have stretched presents out the rest of the day.  Believe me, I completely realize that 3mo DD had little/no clue what was going on, and in fact I felt a little silly wrapping presents.  But, by the same token, it's important to DH and I to start our family's Christmas traditions, and why not start now?

[Vilandra]

I'd have probably let the guests sleep in a bit and planned for the gift opening to occur during her morning nap.

But she wanted to see DD open presents.  The only way that was possible on MIL's schedule was to do it between 7 and 8am, because her nap ended after MIL left.

[NyaChan]

Ok, so MIL came to see DD open her presents, couldn't stay past 10, but wouldn't come downstairs at the time agreed upon which resulted in rushing the whole experience.  I think that is inconsiderate, if not just plain rude.  This was DD's first Christmas which she won't remember, but it was also OP's first Christmas with her daughter which she will remember for many years.  Though I don't celebrate myself, I think there is value in getting to watch your child play with the toys (or just the wrapping paper) and taking pictures of her with her first Christmas gifts.  The parents shouldn't have had to rush through it and wouldn't have had to if MIL had followed through on the original plan.

If you celebrate at home next year, I'd open the presents when you want to.  If your guests are not up, go ahead and let them know that you are about to start.  Then it is up to them to decide whether they will join you.  You should go ahead and start at the planned time regardless.

[Winterlight]

I think MIL was thoughtless, given the update. In future, I'd tell them when we want to open presents, maybe tap at their door in the morning if they have agreed to be up then and then get on with it if they don't show.

[Bijou]

I think I would have just knocked on their door and let them know it was time to get up.  You had discussed it the night before so they knew what to expect. 

[Shoo]

I'd have probably let the guests sleep in a bit and planned for the gift opening to occur during her morning nap.

But she wanted to see DD open presents.  The only way that was possible on MIL's schedule was to do it between 7 and 8am, because her nap ended after MIL left.

Well, DD is only 3 months old, so she didn't actually open any of her gifts -- her parents did.

What I'm not clear on, OP, is whether your MIL knew she was leaving so early all along, or just decided to leave at 10 am spur of the moment.  If this was the plan all along, then I agree she was inconsiderate for taking so long to come downstairs and frittering away your time together.

[EnoughAlready22]

I think I would have just knocked on their door and let them know it was time to get up.  You had discussed it the night before so they knew what to expect.

I agree completely!  Instead of waiting around for her to come down, I would have knocked earlier and said you were getting ready to open presents if they wanted to join you.

[Searcher]

I'm a little unclear on why it was necessary to open presents that early-and why you felt you had to "rush through it."

My own action would have been to save the present-opening for later in the day, when everyone was awake, fed, and comfortable.  I don't know of any tradition that requires that presents be opened first thing in the morning.  Did your MIL express that she was going to leave early?

[NyaChan]

Searcher, there's an update towards the top of the page - MIL had to leave by 10 & baby takes a nap that would run I think from 8-almost 10

[kckgirl]

I think instead of rushing to get all the gifts open, you could have just opened a few and left the others for after the nap. If MIL gets upset about that, it's her problem for delaying the beginning of the festivities. But really, you didn't really have to wait for her in the first place. You told her when you were starting and why.

[Searcher]

Searcher, there's an update towards the top of the page - MIL had to leave by 10 & baby takes a nap that would run I think from 8-almost 10

Okay.  I guess in that instance I would have skipped the gift opening or even done it the night before, if incompatible schedules would lead to a sense of "rush" too early in the morning.

[WillyNilly]

Whats confusing me is how this coffee thing plays into it all.  I've been drinking coffee for over 20 years and have been around coffee pots for longer then that. A [home] pot of coffee takes 10 minutes at most - and that's only if you are cleaning the pot from the day before, grinding your own beans and brewing a huge amount.  4-8 cups in a clean pot takes 5 minutes, especially if using already ground.  So really how does a 10 minute delay cause the need to rush or scramble? 

[Yvaine]

Whats confusing me is how this coffee thing plays into it all.  I've been drinking coffee for over 20 years and have been around coffee pots for longer then that. A [home] pot of coffee takes 10 minutes at most - and that's only if you are cleaning the pot from the day before, grinding your own beans and brewing a huge amount.  4-8 cups in a clean pot takes 5 minutes, especially if using already ground.  So really how does a 10 minute delay cause the need to rush or scramble?

Yeah, the time frame is a little confusing--can't tell if 10 minutes or an hour passed while the MIL dithered. My best guess was that the coffeemaker did finish but she didn't hear it.

[Vilandra]

Whats confusing me is how this coffee thing plays into it all.  I've been drinking coffee for over 20 years and have been around coffee pots for longer then that. A [home] pot of coffee takes 10 minutes at most - and that's only if you are cleaning the pot from the day before, grinding your own beans and brewing a huge amount.  4-8 cups in a clean pot takes 5 minutes, especially if using already ground.  So really how does a 10 minute delay cause the need to rush or scramble?

Yeah, the time frame is a little confusing--can't tell if 10 minutes or an hour passed while the MIL dithered. My best guess was that the coffeemaker did finish but she didn't hear it.

We had no idea that she was waiting for the coffee to be ready.  DH and I had been killing time downstairs for maybe 15 minutes when he decided to put coffee on while we were waiting for MIL and boyfriend.  Our coffeepot has a beep but nothing too loud, no idea if she could hear it/was really waiting for the coffee or if that was bogus. 

Her plan all along was to leave at/around 10am, it was not because of any of the morning's events.