Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  Since watching present opening was a large part of her itinerary , you should have just knocked at 7  or 6:50 (5-15 minutes after the baby was up) with a 10 minute waring.   Without knowing what she was really thinking , I can't call her rude.  Maybe she didn't hear the baby and wanted to give you and DH a few minutes to quietly enjoy Christmas morning alone, maybe she misunderstood and though you planed on calling her, maybe she's just a idiot before she gets her first cup of coffee ( I know I am)  My understanding is she came down quickly after being told it was present time?

[WhiteTigerCub]

One of my Christmas morning tradtions is to drink a nice cup of coffee while watching others open presents. Maybe this MIL thinking as well.

[Ruelz]

In the future?  If the time has been discussed the night before, and they're not up about 10 minutes before the agreed apon time...knock on the door and let them know present opening happens in xx minutes! 

[Sharnita]

One of my Christmas morning tradtions is to drink a nice cup of coffee while watching others open presents. Maybe this MIL thinking as well.

Well, since OP was accommodating MIL's schedule and MIL was there specifically to see presents opened then any requirement of coffee was MIL's responsibility.  SHe could have gotten up and started it herself, she could have mentioned the night before that she would need it in the morning.

[WillyNilly]

I wouldn't consider the kitchen "open" for guests until the coffee was at least on, but probably not until it was brewed, so I think its a big bit of miscommunication. Waiting 15 minutes to put the coffee on, to me, would be a sign that my hosts were having a bit of private time. It would nver occur to me they were waiting on me.

[Sharnita]

I wouldn't consider the kitchen "open" for guests until the coffee was at least on, but probably not until it was brewed, so I think its a big bit of miscommunication. Waiting 15 minutes to put the coffee on, to me, would be a sign that my hosts were having a bit of private time. It would nver occur to me they were waiting on me.

I don't own a coffee pot so you'd be trapped in your room for a long time.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

This seems to be a case for "use your words". 

"We'll hear her get up" is meaningless.  "We were waiting for the coffee pot to beep" is meaningless.

If you want things to proceed on a schedule, somebody needs to set a time, not a vague "well, when this happens, we'll start."

[NyaChan]

I wouldn't consider the kitchen "open" for guests until the coffee was at least on, but probably not until it was brewed, so I think its a big bit of miscommunication. Waiting 15 minutes to put the coffee on, to me, would be a sign that my hosts were having a bit of private time. It would nver occur to me they were waiting on me.

I don't own a coffee pot so you'd be trapped in your room for a long time.

hahahaha I was just thinking the same thing  

[WillyNilly]

I wouldn't consider the kitchen "open" for guests until the coffee was at least on, but probably not until it was brewed, so I think its a big bit of miscommunication. Waiting 15 minutes to put the coffee on, to me, would be a sign that my hosts were having a bit of private time. It would nver occur to me they were waiting on me.

I don't own a coffee pot so you'd be trapped in your room for a long time.

If I were staying with someone who didn't drink coffee obviously I'd use a different measure. But these were the OP's spouses parents and presumably close family knows at least if other family members are coffee drinkers. Plus coffee pots are generally left out on the counter w pretty easy to see if one is present.

The point is, coffee - to coffee drinkers, isusualy the first thing served in the morning. Parents of a 3 month old are probably still getting into a morning routine (especially with houseguests) and I can really understand using that as basic benchmark of when the hosts are 'ready' for their guests to be under foot.

[mabelle]

This seems to be a case for "use your words". 

"We'll hear her get up" is meaningless.  "We were waiting for the coffee pot to beep" is meaningless.

If you want things to proceed on a schedule, somebody needs to set a time, not a vague "well, when this happens, we'll start."

They did - the Original Post states that the baby is usually up by 7AM and has an hour-long window for feeding and activity prior to her morning nap. That suggests that sometime very close to 7AM is the scheduled time.

[Sharnita]

This seems to be a case for "use your words". 

"We'll hear her get up" is meaningless.  "We were waiting for the coffee pot to beep" is meaningless.

If you want things to proceed on a schedule, somebody needs to set a time, not a vague "well, when this happens, we'll start."

They did - the Original Post states that the baby is usually up by 7AM and has an hour-long window for feeding and activity prior to her morning nap. That suggests that sometime very close to 7AM is the scheduled time.

And MIL apparently stated a scheduled end time by telling them when she had to leave.

[O'Dell]

Under the circumstances I think you should have knocked. I don't see anything wrong with a wake-up call for guests when you've already agreed on the time. If MIL and bf lollygagged around, then you would have been fine starting the gifts from you/Santa. As it was, you could also have stopped the present opening once your daughter got fussy and continued later. About the only thing you should have made sure to do was *try* to fit in your MIL's gift being opened in front of her...all else was optional. So "Morning MIL. Daughter opened her Santa presents. Would you like her to open yours now?" and/or "Looks like Daughter has had enough. Let's save the rest of her presents for after her nap."

If they care that much about being there then they'd make an effort. So if MIL missed out because of the coffee beep then a bemused "Sorry, MIL. We settled on 7am I thought since you weren't with us that you had decided it wasn't that important."

And the coffee beep...who knows what she was thinking. If she was so focused on that beep, then maybe she's like me and has trouble knowing what the heck is going on before she gets her first cup.

[Vilandra]

I wouldn't consider the kitchen "open" for guests until the coffee was at least on, but probably not until it was brewed, so I think its a big bit of miscommunication. Waiting 15 minutes to put the coffee on, to me, would be a sign that my hosts were having a bit of private time. It would nver occur to me they were waiting on me.

I don't own a coffee pot so you'd be trapped in your room for a long time.

If I were staying with someone who didn't drink coffee obviously I'd use a different measure. But these were the OP's spouses parents and presumably close family knows at least if other family members are coffee drinkers. Plus coffee pots are generally left out on the counter w pretty easy to see if one is present.

The point is, coffee - to coffee drinkers, isusualy the first thing served in the morning. Parents of a 3 month old are probably still getting into a morning routine (especially with houseguests) and I can really understand using that as basic benchmark of when the hosts are 'ready' for their guests to be under foot.

DH and I are occasional coffee drinkers--we have a pot, usually have coffee on hand, but are not the 'Fresh pot first thing in the morning' type of people.  MIL stays with us enough to know that this is the case--often she has to make herself a pot, and there have been a couple of unfortunate visits where we didn't have any on hand.  It would be pretty absurd for her to wait for coffee to be made for her.

DH did eventually knock--we were both baffled that she was awake and chatting, knew we were awake and up, and was sitting in her room waiting for a coffeepot to beep.  Why couldn't she come down and make the coffee?

[Fleur-de-Lis]

This seems to be a case for "use your words". 

"We'll hear her get up" is meaningless.  "We were waiting for the coffee pot to beep" is meaningless.

If you want things to proceed on a schedule, somebody needs to set a time, not a vague "well, when this happens, we'll start."

They did - the Original Post states that the baby is usually up by 7AM and has an hour-long window for feeding and activity prior to her morning nap. That suggests that sometime very close to 7AM is the scheduled time.

"The baby is usually up by 7:00" isn't the same as  "We expect to be ready no later than 7:45, and will knock - but not before 7:15 - if we are ready earlier."

MIL's interpretation of the plan was a completely uncommunicated "I'll wait until I hear the coffee pot beep", which led to the OP getting frustrated by the waiting, because the OP thought she had said "7:00"

And since MIL didn't hear the coffee pot beep (which I do not find a reasonable benchmark - I'm not going to count on hearing one, nor am I going to hold myself prisoner in the guest room until I hear the coffee pot signalling my release), the OP waited.. and waited.. and waited.

The OP could have saved herself frustration by setting clear benchmarks beforehand, including a "we're doing X at Y hour - with or without you."   

The MIL contributed by re-interpreting the vague benchmark (when the baby gets up) and then never stating her own benchmark.  She was *not* prepared to get up when the baby got up - she wanted to wait "until she heard the coffee pot beep".

But unless this is the first time MIL has stayed, I don't understand why nobody in the OP knew MIL wouldn't actually be up until she heard the coffee pot or some other benchmark.

[mabelle]

This seems to be a case for "use your words". 

"We'll hear her get up" is meaningless.  "We were waiting for the coffee pot to beep" is meaningless.

If you want things to proceed on a schedule, somebody needs to set a time, not a vague "well, when this happens, we'll start."

They did - the Original Post states that the baby is usually up by 7AM and has an hour-long window for feeding and activity prior to her morning nap. That suggests that sometime very close to 7AM is the scheduled time.

"The baby is usually up by 7:00" isn't the same as  "We expect to be ready no later than 7:45, and will knock - but not before 7:15 - if we are ready earlier."

MIL's interpretation of the plan was a completely uncommunicated "I'll wait until I hear the coffee pot beep", which led to the OP getting frustrated by the waiting, because the OP thought she had said "7:00"

And since MIL didn't hear the coffee pot beep (which I do not find a reasonable benchmark - I'm not going to count on hearing one, nor am I going to hold myself prisoner in the guest room until I hear the coffee pot signalling my release), the OP waited.. and waited.. and waited.

The OP could have saved herself frustration by setting clear benchmarks beforehand, including a "we're doing X at Y hour - with or without you."   

The MIL contributed by re-interpreting the vague benchmark (when the baby gets up) and then never stating her own benchmark.  She was *not* prepared to get up when the baby got up - she wanted to wait "until she heard the coffee pot beep".

But unless this is the first time MIL has stayed, I don't understand why nobody in the OP knew MIL wouldn't actually be up until she heard the coffee pot or some other benchmark.

I don't get your confusion about timing - around 7am is around 7am...and for a family get together, I hardly think '715 on the button' is in order (by way of communicating said schedule). Further, when only an hour is available (during the child's happy time and prior to the MIL's self-imposed departure time) for some activity, you'd think the MIL would be cooperative. "when the baby gets up" is not a meaningless benchmark, since 1) babies don't always cooperate and 2) being there for present opening with the baby was the intended purpose of the trip.
 The Original Post states that the OP in discussing the schedule with MIL when they would be ready and was told, "Oh, we'll hear her" - let me copy it for you:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

So MIL changed her benchmark without notifying the OP after having told the OP that she (MIL) would be up when the baby woke up, the OP knew that MIL was in the room dawdling/conversing with her travel partner, and...choosing not to come down when MIL said she would.