Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?

[Iris]

I can see how in a weekend-or-more long visit you might chill in your room for a while before getting up in order to give the hosts private time, but this is not the situation here. Seeing bub open presents was important to MIL, the OP had arranged a schedule based on MIL's own schedule, and MIL agreed to it but just didn't stick to it. Is MIL evil because of this? No, but she is a little thoughtless - after all much of what was happening was for her own benefit.

I know it's been suggested, but if something like this occurs again I would just tap on the door and say "We're opening presents now" and then start. Also, given that you started late because of MIL, you would have been perfectly fine to say "Well, bub needs her nap now. The rest of the presents can wait until later in the day." And then take her away for her sleep.

[sparksals]

Depending on the distance from the coffee pot to the guestroom, I would be able to smell the coffee brewing.   As a guest I don't want to venture up until I know the hosts are up.   While MIL said beep she could have meant the smell of coffee brewing as the house being up.   I don't think the OP was clear enough that the.plan was set in stone.   

[JenJay]

OP here--I'm very interested by the responses!  Let me clarify a bit.  First off, we were opening presents so early (before DD's first nap) because of MIL, and only because of MIL.  She came into town at dinnertime on Christmas Eve and only stayed until 10am.  That was completely on her and her boyfriend's schedule, and in fact I was (privately) upset and disappointed that she stayed for such a short time.  If she had been staying longer, or hadn't been there at all, we would have opened presents later in the day after DD's first nap (or done a present or two, and then the rest later).  She made it clear that she was here to see DD open presents for her first Christmas.

What frustrated me was that we were having to rush and open presents before 8am because of her, and she made even that less than enjoyable.  I would have much preferred to have stretched presents out the rest of the day.  Believe me, I completely realize that 3mo DD had little/no clue what was going on, and in fact I felt a little silly wrapping presents.  But, by the same token, it's important to DH and I to start our family's Christmas traditions, and why not start now?

That changes everything! You can't demand a starting and ending time AND keep everyone waiting around on you. She was rude. I'd have asked DH to knock on the door and let them know we'd be starting in 5 minutes and then done it.

[KenveeB]

Depending on the distance from the coffee pot to the guestroom, I would be able to smell the coffee brewing.   As a guest I don't want to venture up until I know the hosts are up.   While MIL said beep she could have meant the smell of coffee brewing as the house being up.   I don't think the OP was clear enough that the.plan was set in stone.   

I don't see what about "she gets up around 7am", "we'll hear her get up and we'll do presents then" is unclear.  If MIL wanted to wait until coffee was brewing or some other personal signal, then it was her responsibility to actually communicate that.  OP communicated her plans, MIL accepted them, and then MIL changed it without telling anyone.  Fault is on MIL.

[WhiteTigerCub]

Scary thought...maybe MIL and bf were otherwise engaged at the moment...perhaps a bit unexpectedly.  .   

I think a simple knock on the door would have been fine. "We're starting..."

[Betelnut]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

[mabelle]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

[Betelnut]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

Oh yes, I understood that but MIL apparently didn't see the urgency despite being told that there was a need for it.  Or maybe she thought that the gifts could be opened after the nap which was described as being an hour.  Knocking on the door would have eliminated the OP's anxiety and allowed the morning to proceed.  I see the coffee pot reply as a bit of a red herring.

[KenveeB]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

Oh yes, I understood that but MIL apparently didn't see the urgency despite being told that there was a need for it.  Or maybe she thought that the gifts could be opened after the nap which was described as being an hour.  Knocking on the door would have eliminated the OP's anxiety and allowed the morning to proceed.  I see the coffee pot reply as a bit of a red herring.

Except in the OP's update, MIL is specifically told that there will be a short window until the nap, MIL is planning on leaving before the nap is over, and MIL is the one insisting on being present to watch the gift-opening.  So she's created the urgency and still proceeds on her own invented schedule after agreeing to something else.  Sounds controlling to me.

[Vilandra]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

Oh yes, I understood that but MIL apparently didn't see the urgency despite being told that there was a need for it.  Or maybe she thought that the gifts could be opened after the nap which was described as being an hour.  Knocking on the door would have eliminated the OP's anxiety and allowed the morning to proceed.  I see the coffee pot reply as a bit of a red herring.

Except in the OP's update, MIL is specifically told that there will be a short window until the nap, MIL is planning on leaving before the nap is over, and MIL is the one insisting on being present to watch the gift-opening.  So she's created the urgency and still proceeds on her own invented schedule after agreeing to something else.  Sounds controlling to me.

This sums up pretty well how I felt about it. 

As far as the nap length/timing--DD is three months old and her nap schedule is still pretty erratic, and in fact most of the time still naps in-arms.  So, about the only thing we could count on was having about an hour of happiness until she melted down, and then doing the best we can from there.  It's not a matter of her napping for a known amount of time and being ready to go again, or just being able to put her in her crib and carry on with Christmas morning with just the adults.

I was bothered by it because it did seem subtly controlling to me.  This year, we announced that while we would keep alternating Thanksgiving between families, we were starting our new tradition of being in our own home for Christmas, and whoever wanted to join us was welcome.  The tone of it was very much 'Join us as we celebrate in our chosen way.'  Our chosen way was to open presents with the baby first thing in the morning.  She indicated she wanted to participate in that, and I'm sure she would have been very hurt if we had opened without her.  We even asked her specifically the night before if she wanted us to wake her or knock, which prompted the comment of 'No, we'll hear you get up.'  DH did eventually go up and get her.  He is normally very, very laid back about things and doesn't easily take offense, and still he was frustrated that we're obviously awake and up, we can hear his mother talking, and yet she hadn't made her grand appearance.

[wyliefool]

This sums up pretty well how I felt about it. 

As far as the nap length/timing--DD is three months old and her nap schedule is still pretty erratic, and in fact most of the time still naps in-arms.  So, about the only thing we could count on was having about an hour of happiness until she melted down, and then doing the best we can from there.  It's not a matter of her napping for a known amount of time and being ready to go again, or just being able to put her in her crib and carry on with Christmas morning with just the adults.

I was bothered by it because it did seem subtly controlling to me.  This year, we announced that while we would keep alternating Thanksgiving between families, we were starting our new tradition of being in our own home for Christmas, and whoever wanted to join us was welcome.  The tone of it was very much 'Join us as we celebrate in our chosen way.'  Our chosen way was to open presents with the baby first thing in the morning.  She indicated she wanted to participate in that, and I'm sure she would have been very hurt if we had opened without her.  We even asked her specifically the night before if she wanted us to wake her or knock, which prompted the comment of 'No, we'll hear you get up.'  DH did eventually go up and get her.  He is normally very, very laid back about things and doesn't easily take offense, and still he was frustrated that we're obviously awake and up, we can hear his mother talking, and yet she hadn't made her grand appearance.

Well, if she's hurt it's her own fault for dawdling in her room. And if she complains, well, maybe next year the guest room isn't available. You could always point out that she's the one who decided to visit for only 16 hours, and to then sit around in her room cuts down the visit even more. Why bother?

I know it's been suggested, but if something like this occurs again I would just tap on the door and say "We're opening presents now" and then start. Also, given that you started late because of MIL, you would have been perfectly fine to say "Well, bub needs her nap now. The rest of the presents can wait until later in the day." And then take her away for her sleep.

This is what I'd try next year. And if it's still a problem, then christmas is you, DH, and kid only and any hangers-on can come visit some other time. Put your foot down firmly.

[Petticoats]

DH and I are occasional coffee drinkers--we have a pot, usually have coffee on hand, but are not the 'Fresh pot first thing in the morning' type of people.  MIL stays with us enough to know that this is the case--often she has to make herself a pot, and there have been a couple of unfortunate visits where we didn't have any on hand.  It would be pretty absurd for her to wait for coffee to be made for her.

<snip>

Does this mean that MIL made herself unpleasant when coffee was not provided for her? I'm definitely getting that "subtly controling" vibe you mention later, OP.

[Surianne]

I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

I agree.  I can't see any rudeness on the part of the MIL here.  She was up at the prescribed time, she didn't realize that you required her to be downstairs at exactly 7am in order for the plans to work.  I wouldn't have realized that either, in her shoes, and I likely wouldn't have thought 15 minutes (or whatever) either way would ruin the morning.  It was a simple miscommunication.  Next time, knock on the door and let her know the baby's ready. 

[Sophia]

MIL was rude. 

She knew that baby was up because, as she said, she could hear baby wake up.

She knew OP and her husband was up, because babies don't get out of the crib by themselves.

There was therefore no need to knock on MIL's door, since the cue for the festivities to start (baby waking up) had happened and was known to happen.

She knew there was no reason to give the babies parents private time, because she knew that there was a short window in which to open presents. 

[evely28]

Maybe a soft knock on the door and "Merry Christmas, the coffee's ready" would have gotten you want you wanted. If a second knock was needed "we start opening presents in five minutes" would be fine. OP it's your home for you and your DH to manage. With the apparent "mis-communication" and the late start in opening presents you would have been fine to re-evaluate with your DH and decide to open only a few presents instead of hurrying it through.