Author Topic: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?  (Read 10664 times)

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edgypeanuts

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #60 on: January 07, 2012, 09:30:56 PM »
To me it depends on the discussion you had.  As a childless person, I personally would not have realized the urgency of the timeline unless it was spelled out to me.  As in, "we need to start right away within a few minutes of her waking up or we won't get them done before she falls asleep." 

I also think you should have just stopped when she got cranky and just did the rest after her nap, if MIL missing some, then so be it.


squeakers

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #61 on: January 07, 2012, 09:57:34 PM »
I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"


Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

Oh yes, I understood that but MIL apparently didn't see the urgency despite being told that there was a need for it.  Or maybe she thought that the gifts could be opened after the nap which was described as being an hour.  Knocking on the door would have eliminated the OP's anxiety and allowed the morning to proceed.  I see the coffee pot reply as a bit of a red herring.

The nap doesn't last an hour.. the baby is awake for an hour including time to eat another bottle before going back to sleep.  Itty babies do that kind of schedule for a few more months.

I don't know that MIL was rude but she certainly wasn't listening: neither to what was discussed the night before nor to the sounds of people being up and at it.
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Sharnita

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #62 on: January 08, 2012, 07:42:12 AM »
And it wasn't just that others were discussing it - she verbally commited to getting up when they baby got up.  Then in the morning she indicated she was waiting for a different cue.

Surianne

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #63 on: January 08, 2012, 10:46:26 AM »
I guess the way I look at it is, which is more likely?  That the MIL sat up there thinking "Well, I've heard the correct noise, obviously they require us downstairs now or the present-opening won't work.  Oh well, I don't feel like going down yet" or that the MIL didn't quite understand the urgency of the timing? 

To me, unless there have been similar problems with the MIL in the past, it's more likely this was a miscommunication than rudeness on the MIL's part.  It could have been quickly cleared up by a knock on MIL's door accompanied by "Oh hey, if you guys are ready, the little one is up and the coffee's ready, time for presents!"  At least, that's the way it always worked in my family when someone was inadvertently dawdling  :)

Betelnut

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #64 on: January 08, 2012, 10:58:43 AM »
I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"


Urgent? is a bit of an overstatement, but MIL knew there was only a short window to accomplish the purpose of the MIL's trip: to attend the opening of gifts with the new grandbaby. To refresh:

From the OP:

Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

Oh yes, I understood that but MIL apparently didn't see the urgency despite being told that there was a need for it.  Or maybe she thought that the gifts could be opened after the nap which was described as being an hour.  Knocking on the door would have eliminated the OP's anxiety and allowed the morning to proceed.  I see the coffee pot reply as a bit of a red herring.

The nap doesn't last an hour.. the baby is awake for an hour including time to eat another bottle before going back to sleep.  Itty babies do that kind of schedule for a few more months.

I don't know that MIL was rude but she certainly wasn't listening: neither to what was discussed the night before nor to the sounds of people being up and at it.

The OP said the nap lasted an hour "if they are lucky."  So presents could be opened after this nap.  The MIL did say, hey, we'll be up and open presents at 7:00.  I'm not denying that.  (See quote from OP below.)

Quote
Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.
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artk2002

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #65 on: January 08, 2012, 12:40:25 PM »
The OP said the nap lasted an hour "if they are lucky."  So presents could be opened after this nap.  The MIL did say, hey, we'll be up and open presents at 7:00.  I'm not denying that.  (See quote from OP below.)

Quote
Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

I think you may be misinterpreting the "if we're lucky." I think she meant that it might be "as short as an hour" if they were lucky, but could be substantially longer. In another response, OP said that her MIL left at 10AM. So, baby wakes at 6:45 and is up for an hour, taking us to about 8AM. A minimum of an hour nap takes us to at least 9AM and probably later, with MIL leaving not long after that.

My take is that MIL said that she'd be up when she heard the baby, then changed the criterion to "hearing the coffee beep," which she did without letting anyone know. OP went on what she knew and that was that her MIL would be up when the baby was. MIL was rude, OP did nothing wrong.
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wolfie

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #66 on: January 08, 2012, 12:45:37 PM »


The OP said the nap lasted an hour "if they are lucky."  So presents could be opened after this nap.  The MIL did say, hey, we'll be up and open presents at 7:00.  I'm not denying that.  (See quote from OP below.)

Quote
Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

I took that to mean that the very short window when the baby is up is an hour if they are lucky - not that the nap is an hour.

Betelnut

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #67 on: January 08, 2012, 02:13:21 PM »


The OP said the nap lasted an hour "if they are lucky."  So presents could be opened after this nap.  The MIL did say, hey, we'll be up and open presents at 7:00.  I'm not denying that.  (See quote from OP below.)

Quote
Before going to bed Christmas Eve, we discussed the next morning--we told them that DD usually gets up around 7am, and so we would open presents then.  We told them that DD has a very short window when she wakes up in the morning before she's ready for a power nap (an hour if we're lucky, including her bottle).  DD's room is right next to the guest room and they assured us they'd hear her get up and we'd do presents then.

I took that to mean that the very short window when the baby is up is an hour if they are lucky - not that the nap is an hour.

Ha!  I guess there are several different ways to take that phrase.  I took it to mean the nap lasted an hour if they are lucky.  Oh well. 
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Roe

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #68 on: January 08, 2012, 03:06:47 PM »
I don't really think MIL was rude (she obviously didn't know that there was an urgent need to start right at 7:00).  In her mind, she had three hours before she needed to leave.

A simple knock on the door would have prevented all.  "Hey, MIL, we're ready to start unwrapping now!"

I agree.  I can't see any rudeness on the part of the MIL here.  She was up at the prescribed time, she didn't realize that you required her to be downstairs at exactly 7am in order for the plans to work.  I wouldn't have realized that either, in her shoes, and I likely wouldn't have thought 15 minutes (or whatever) either way would ruin the morning.  It was a simple miscommunication.  Next time, knock on the door and let her know the baby's ready.

Absolutely. Pod!

I think it was a basic misunderstanding.  Honestly, I've never known a baby (and I was raised around babies) that would have "a meltdown" by being 15mins off schedule.  Fussy, yes...but meltdown? No. And how would the baby know the schedule anyway?  (unless baby was feeding off her parents frustration)

I also don't see the need to rush.  You open as many as you can before baby's nap and save the rest for later. So what if MIL doesn't like it?

Seems to me that OP had a vision in her head of what the morning would be like and it didn't follow her plan so she got frustrated.  I say that, not to be snarky but because I've BTDT.  As my children grew, I learned to be more flexible and go with the flow. 

I also don't see this as a "control" issue, unless there's some serious backstory. The OP said that she was sorry that her MIL couldn't stay longer so I doubt the MIL is controlling.


KenveeB

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #69 on: January 08, 2012, 03:26:45 PM »
I think it was a basic misunderstanding.  Honestly, I've never known a baby (and I was raised around babies) that would have "a meltdown" by being 15mins off schedule.  Fussy, yes...but meltdown? No. And how would the baby know the schedule anyway?  (unless baby was feeding off her parents frustration)

I also don't see the need to rush.  You open as many as you can before baby's nap and save the rest for later. So what if MIL doesn't like it?

Seems to me that OP had a vision in her head of what the morning would be like and it didn't follow her plan so she got frustrated.  I say that, not to be snarky but because I've BTDT.  As my children grew, I learned to be more flexible and go with the flow. 

I also don't see this as a "control" issue, unless there's some serious backstory. The OP said that she was sorry that her MIL couldn't stay longer so I doubt the MIL is controlling.

The baby didn't "know" the schedule, the baby set the schedule and the parents worked around it.  And from the OP's updates, MIL is the one who insisted on being present for the gift openings, insisted on being there for all the opening, and insisted on doing it on her own schedule by arbitrarily changing when she was going to go down ("when baby's up" vs "when coffee pot beeps").  OP was frustrated because she was trying to accommodate MIL's requirements and her baby's.  And at least she knew what baby's schedule was.  The answer for the future, I think, is go by baby's schedule and let MIL work around it or not as she chooses.

Surianne

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #70 on: January 08, 2012, 05:03:00 PM »
I think it was a basic misunderstanding.  Honestly, I've never known a baby (and I was raised around babies) that would have "a meltdown" by being 15mins off schedule.  Fussy, yes...but meltdown? No. And how would the baby know the schedule anyway?  (unless baby was feeding off her parents frustration)

I also don't see the need to rush.  You open as many as you can before baby's nap and save the rest for later. So what if MIL doesn't like it?

Seems to me that OP had a vision in her head of what the morning would be like and it didn't follow her plan so she got frustrated.  I say that, not to be snarky but because I've BTDT.  As my children grew, I learned to be more flexible and go with the flow. 

I also don't see this as a "control" issue, unless there's some serious backstory. The OP said that she was sorry that her MIL couldn't stay longer so I doubt the MIL is controlling.

The baby didn't "know" the schedule, the baby set the schedule and the parents worked around it.  And from the OP's updates, MIL is the one who insisted on being present for the gift openings, insisted on being there for all the opening, and insisted on doing it on her own schedule by arbitrarily changing when she was going to go down ("when baby's up" vs "when coffee pot beeps").  OP was frustrated because she was trying to accommodate MIL's requirements and her baby's.  And at least she knew what baby's schedule was.  The answer for the future, I think, is go by baby's schedule and let MIL work around it or not as she chooses.

Another option would be to do MIL the courtesy of taking 30 seconds to give a reminder knock on her door and see if she's ready to head downstairs or not. 

Sharnita

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #71 on: January 08, 2012, 05:07:07 PM »
I think the problem with that is that you are disregarding the fact that they clearly stated they neither needed or wanted that.  So if they are actually about to leave the room and you knock to let them know it could seem as if you didn't trust their word or ability to follow through on what they said they'd do.  If I were a guest and said that I'd hear the baby and come down then I'd hear the baby and come down. I don't know that I'd be actually offended but maybe a bit amused that they didn't think I wascapable or willing to actually follow through.

Surianne

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #72 on: January 08, 2012, 05:09:44 PM »
I think the problem with that is that you are disregarding the fact that they clearly stated they neither needed or wanted that.  So if they are actually about to leave the room and you knock to let them know it could seem as if you didn't trust their word or ability to follow through on what they said they'd do.  If I were a guest and said that I'd hear the baby and come down then I'd hear the baby and come down. I don't know that I'd be actually offended but maybe a bit amused that they didn't think I wascapable or willing to actually follow through.

Nope, I'm not disregarding it -- I think I've explained my reasons a few times, in that I don't personally feel there is enough evidence to assume the MIL is rudely ignoring the baby noises on purpose.  I stand by that opinion.  I know others disagree, and that's fine.

Sharnita

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #73 on: January 08, 2012, 05:13:05 PM »
I think the problem with that is that you are disregarding the fact that they clearly stated they neither needed or wanted that.  So if they are actually about to leave the room and you knock to let them know it could seem as if you didn't trust their word or ability to follow through on what they said they'd do.  If I were a guest and said that I'd hear the baby and come down then I'd hear the baby and come down. I don't know that I'd be actually offended but maybe a bit amused that they didn't think I wascapable or willing to actually follow through.

Nope, I'm not disregarding it -- I think I've explained my reasons a few times, in that I don't personally feel there is enough evidence to assume the MIL is rudely ignoring the baby noises on purpose.  I stand by that opinion.  I know others disagree, and that's fine.

Sorry, I think I was unclear.  If I were your guest instead of MIL, you would seem to be disregarding it because I would stick to what I had said and I would feel like I my ability to follow through on a simple commitment I had made.

Surianne

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Re: Christmas Morning--Is the Coffee Ready?
« Reply #74 on: January 08, 2012, 07:38:00 PM »
Sharnita, I think it's me and not you -- I have a nasty cold or the flu or something, and I tried to reply to you twice now and neither time was coherent.  I think I've lost the plot a little, might be a good day for just browsing ehell and reading rather than trying to say stuff  ;D  Thanks for trying to explain, though!