No presents for Mommy! (update, p. 3)

[Texas Mom]

AND . . . the two of them went on a "field trip" into the city to have lunch w/ me on Wednesday, and neither one of them, apparently, thought about making a side trip to get a "make up" gift.

((hugs))

Your son is 14 and sounds like a typical teenager.

It's DH's responsibility to make sure that DS got you something.   There's a reason children were issued two parents.  Epic fail for dad.



B/G When I was growing up, each parent took us shopping to get a gift for the other parent until we were able to drive.  DH and I did the same with DD.

[kckgirl]

Your DH has seriously dropped the ball, especially for missing the late arrival gift-giving time. He shouldn't have let that happen! I hope he's smart enough to know it.

[Lynda_34]

I did get gifts from my children.  We didn't exchange any this year.  They are both adults.

However, I used to "complain" that it didn't seem fair that I still had to buy the ex three gifts a year and he didn't have to give me any. (I didn't ask for alimony so that wasn't in the equation)

When I divorced the kids were 5 and 9.  So until they could buy gifts on their own their father got a Christmas, Birthday and Father's Day gift from them.  It was more important for me to teach them gift giving then not acknowledge their father's special days.

Yes they usually give me something or do something for me.

I also buy fresh flowers for myself.  I like them.  When I had very little money I used to tell the kids "Someone who loves me very much bought them for me."  Took them a while to figure that one out.  But I also explained to my daughter who asked if we were so poor why was I spending money on flowers.  I told her that the occasional five dollars was money well spent since it made me smile.  Occasionally she would also bring me flowers.

I'd have a serious talk with both Dad and son.  Next year, or with  your birthday, make your expectations known early on.  Also buy a few things you want for yourself and put them under the tree.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Think about it, you must buy things for yourself all the time.  From Thanksgiving to Christmas, whatever you buy simply wrap it and put it under  the tree.

[wyliefool]

Maybe DH needs an object lesson in being forgotten on his next gift-giving occasion.

[TootsNYC]

I don't think it would make a difference to him.

[wyliefool]

Hmm, then he needs a scolding. So he knows he screwed up. He shd certainly know by now how you feel about gifts (I know, after all, and we've never met...).

[Searcher]

I don't think it would make a difference to him.

I think you need to sit him and your son down and have a come-to-Deity talk with them.  I'd tell them that the one-way gift exchange has to come to an end, because it's very hurtful, and if they want gifts from you, they need to give consideration to your feelings and not neglect you.

[alegria]

Honestly?  I'd be picking out a very nice item for myself (and one a little higher budget than I typically get), purchasing it, and bringing it home to show off at dinner.     Something can be your Christmas gift even if you bought it yourself, after all!  I'd still be quite upset at DH and DS, but I would do this to try and avoid remembering only unhappiness for this Christmas.

[*new*mommyagain36]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents.  My son is 16 and has not given me so much as a card for any occasion since he was about 7 years old and my mother would help him.  His father could not have possibly cared less if son bought or gave gifts.  My husband now (step father to my son) does not make any effort to ensure cards or gifts are purchased.  Son has income, summer work, and he saves money up to use throughout the year.  I don't really worry much about gifts but a card would be very thoughful.  I also agree that it is on the other parent to make sure children give gifts to their mom.