Author Topic: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!  (Read 5634 times)

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jimithing

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We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« on: December 28, 2011, 03:12:56 PM »
Steven Tyler, of Aerosmith, recently proposed to his long time girlfriend. TMZ, and other news sources, are reporting that his family is "furious" he did not tell them of his plans to propose, as there has been a lot of bad blood between his fiancee and the family.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/12/28/steven-tyler-engagement-family-furious-upset/

Family sources have been quoted to say that she has been mean to them and is "just not nice." Reportedly, the family is very upset they weren't told ahead of time that he was going to propose, and they feel slighted, and they were hoping to bridge the divide between her and the family, but they feel the proposal only creates a bigger divide.

I'm not sure why they think they were owed this information? The only person in my family who knew my husband was going to propose was my Dad, because he talked to him first. And is whining to the press about is really going to help matters?

MyFamily

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2011, 03:29:45 PM »
Why yes, nothing says "we want to bridge the divide between us" more than running to the press and complaining about the person!   ::)


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Judah

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2011, 03:46:11 PM »
I think this is more a relationship issue than an etiquette one, but if the family complaining are his children, I agree with them.  There's no way I would agree to marry someone without consulting my kids first.  That doesn't mean I would need their permission, but I think a  heads up is good.
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WillyNilly

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2011, 04:05:35 PM »
I think this is more a relationship issue than an etiquette one, but if the family complaining are his children, I agree with them.  There's no way I would agree to marry someone without consulting my kids first.  That doesn't mean I would need their permission, but I think a  heads up is good.

I would agree kids should get a heads up if, and this a big if, if they are minors or still living/dependent on the parent (for example a 20 year old college student isn't a "minor" but might still be a household member and also still fully supported by their parent).

But Steven Tyler's kids are full grown, self supporting adults, so I really don't think that has any bearing on the situation.  I also don't think any actually ever were raised by or lived with their dad as kids.

Iris

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2011, 04:11:22 PM »
Wait. They really wanted to bridge the gap but he has "widened the divide" by proposing to her? Their logic is not earth logic.
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Sharnita

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2011, 06:15:04 PM »
In this case I think that as soon as the news of the engaement got out his his adult, self-supporting kids will possibly be approached  by reporters who want them to comment on their dad's engagement.  For that reason alone, it might be wise to approach them before getting engaged.

Amava

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2011, 06:33:29 PM »
I have no opinion on this particular case, because I generally don't believe much of what tabloids write. I think relatives, friends, ex-friends etc shouldn't speak ill of each other in front of the media, but then again, whenever I see a "he said-she said" thing like this in the media I take it with a kilo of salt and assume that at least half of it is pulled out of thin air by said media.

Now, hypothetically. I don't think a father (or mother) has to discuss it with his (her) grown-up, independently-living sons or daughters before they decide to get engaged.
I do think it would be best to inform said sons and daughters of the engagement before anyone else gets wind of it (e.g. before telling it to friends, posting it on facebook, or, if you're famous, telling it to the media). It's never nice for your sons, daughters, mother, father, etc to accidentally hear big news second-hand.


Searcher

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2011, 10:13:18 PM »
I don't think anyone was "owed" a heads-up in terms of etiquette, but it does seem to me to be helpful to give one to close family members before one does propose so it doesn't come as a total shock.

That's a relationship issue, though.

And as far as Steven Tyler's family goes, if they really wanted to "bridge any gaps," yeah, complaining to the press wasn't a good way to go about it.  I think they just widened the rift between themselves and his fiancee.

Winterlight

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2011, 11:22:18 PM »
Well, I think if there wasn't a gap before there would be now.
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JillyJ

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2011, 11:43:08 PM »


But Steven Tyler's kids are full grown, self supporting adults, so I really don't think that has any bearing on the situation.  I also don't think any actually ever were raised by or lived with their dad as kids.


Actually he was with the mother of his two youngest for nearly 2 decades - so yeah, he helped raise a couple of them. 

AlwaysQuizzical

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2011, 12:54:29 AM »
I think it is polite to let your children know that you're relationship is serious enough that you're going to add the SO to their family.

jimithing

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #11 on: December 29, 2011, 09:13:40 AM »
For some reason, I didn't consider the fact that the family members could be his children, which does change things a little for me. But also, if my family hated my girlfriend, I don't think I would have a lot of incentive to tell them that she is now going to become my wife.

Searcher

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #12 on: December 29, 2011, 09:23:45 AM »
For some reason, I didn't consider the fact that the family members could be his children, which does change things a little for me. But also, if my family hated my girlfriend, I don't think I would have a lot of incentive to tell them that she is now going to become my wife.

Perhaps, but it seems to me that it would make things worse between you and your new spouse and the other family members to keep that a secret and just spring it on them.

mbbored

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #13 on: December 30, 2011, 02:33:54 PM »
I think it is polite to let your children know that you're relationship is serious enough that you're going to add the SO to their family.

They had been together for over 5 years, and as mentioned before, his children are grown. If my mother were to date somebody and remarry, I wouldn't feel like she would need to tell me before they got engaged.

Judah

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Re: We Should Have Been Consulted Before Your Engagement!
« Reply #14 on: December 30, 2011, 02:40:37 PM »
I think it is polite to let your children know that you're relationship is serious enough that you're going to add the SO to their family.

They had been together for over 5 years, and as mentioned before, his children are grown. If my mother were to date somebody and remarry, I wouldn't feel like she would need to tell me before they got engaged.

I would. Not to ask for permission, but just as a heads up that my family would be changing.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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