Well, crud.

[Chocolate Cake]

"Miscommunication" is apparently my new name.

I was completely done with my Christmas shopping.  Everything has been purchased, wrapped, and shipped or has been stowed away for later.   Now, I get a phone call from a friend who mentioned having found the "perfect" gifts for me and my family for Christmas.   

Last year, I thought I had made it clear that I'd rather not exchange gifts, but would rather make a point of getting together for dinner to catch up instead.   I thought I had set the precedent then for future years.   Apparently not.

Now, I go from being "all done" to having to go out and shop for her and her family.  I could just scream.

[goblue2539]

I don't suppose there's a polite way you can say thanks but no thanks, huh?  I can't think of one, but in your situation I'd try.  Maybe tell her that's really sweet but you thought you'd agreed on time instead of gifts?  Nope... I'm stuck. 

[Sorceress]

All I can suggest is that you reiterate this year that in future years you would rather not exchange gifts and instead catch up over lunch or something.

It sounds like she just misinterpreted your last attempt to mean only that particular year.

[kingsrings]

I don't think that you are now obligated to shop for her and her family. You made it abundantly clear last year that you didn't want to exchange gifts with her in the future, and for whatever reason, she is not abiding by that. Perhaps she has decided that she still wants to give you gifts, and couldn't care less whether you give to her. Some people are admirably like that. Don't give her gifts, and don't lose sleep over it.

[Clara Bow]

Please excuse a bit of schadenfreude on my part, I've only got my son's stocking done and have just been too busy with school to do anyone else's stuff yet. I am not making this mistake next year! I'm usually done in October.
I think if I were you I would get her and her family gifts, then very firmly specify no gifts next year. Just tell her it's too much trouble for the both of you, or something like that. Maybe your families could get together for a meal and visit instead of doing gifts, just take turns hosting or something.

[fklwmn]

Okay, as someone who goes all-out CRAZY at Chrismtas buying gifts for anyone who I happen to find something for... I hate reciprocal gifts. If I got an idea that someone only got me a gift b/c I got them one I would feel very sad.

My advice is to thank her for the gift and for thinking of you. If you still feel like you need to do something in return then tell her your gift to her will be taking her out to dinner sometime so that you can enjoy her company, since it sounds very much like that was the idea you had about this friend in the first place.

[kingsrings]

I get far too many gifts than I am able to reciprocate for. I am on a very limited budget, and literally can't afford gifts for anyone but family members. Usually the people in my bible study group, whom I also socialize with, will hand out little gifts to us all, and I feel real bad that I can't give anything back. I almost hope it doesn't happen this year. Even if I bought them just a little gift, it would add up quickly since it's around 20 people/

[freakyfemme]

Get her a "family" gift...maybe make up a basket with a good "family" movie, such as "A Christmas Story," and throw in some microwave popcorn, candy, hot chocolate mix, that kind of thing.  I don't think your friend meant any harm in giving you a gift, and she probably doesn't think you *have* to reciprocate either.  Like another poster mentioned, it probably didn't occur to her that "let's not exchange gifts this year" meant "let's never exchange gifts again," so this year, she made a good-faith effort to find nice gifts for you and your family, and would probably feel very hurt if you told her that they weren't appreciated.

[Nekolove]

We...elll. Here's my take. I also get gifts for lots of people (a lot of them are home made) who don't get me a gift in return. (Some of these people are co-workers who I would NEVER in a million years expect something from in return, and whom I give small token gifts for the most part; and a couple of them are really good friends, mostly guys who usually have different ideas about gift giving). Which I'm totally fine with. I do it because I want to, and try to make it clear that I don't expect anything in return. So don't feel like you HAVE to get something to reciprocate. If it really drives you nuts, I would do what another poster mentioned and just let her know you'd like to treat her to a meal next time you get together.

It does seem weird that she would mention it to you though. It makes it seem like she's telling you so you will know to get her something (just my gut feeling...)

Either way, remember that giving a gift does not guarantee you'll get one in return. Just do what feels right for you and the friendship.

And good for you for being (almost) done already! I am too!! It's a great feeling, isn't it??!!

[Chocolate Cake]

It does seem weird that she would mention it to you though. It makes it seem like she's telling you so you will know to get her something (just my gut feeling...)

Yes!  Before this, there were two other mentions about how her child is gifting something to my child.  And now this latest comment.    I'm sure that she's mentioned it purposefully to avoid an awkward moment when she delivers our gifts.   

And, yeah, it felt great to have been done!  Like, totally done as in the wrapping paper and ribbons were all put away for the season.   

[Alida]

What about something nice and easy - gift certificate to a family restaurant or the movie theater?  Don't drive yourself crazy because she decided to go the gift route when you thought you weren't doing that any longer.

Have you mentioned that to her?  "Oh, I thought we had agreed..."

[Cyndi]

Now I'm not good at guessing what people are thinking, but the fact that she called and said something sounds to ME like she's expecting you to get her something. Otherwise why call at all? It would've been more fun if she sprang it on you as a surprise and it would have been clear that she didn't expect anything in return.

[ZipTheWonder]

If you buy gifts for her family members now, she will know that you were just funnin' with her last year when you said you no longer wanted to exchange gifts.  Bake a batch of cookies, or do whatever you do with other neighbors and acquaintances (or do nothing) and graciously accept the gifts.

[MineralDiva]

I agree with Zip.  But I also think she's (the friend, not Zip) placed you in an awkward situation.  Obviously she's telegraphing her intentions and expectations.  It's up to you to stick to your guns...as difficult as it might be. 

"Oh thank you.  That was nice of you.  But I thought we agreed last year, that we wouldn't exchange.  So I'm afraid I don't have anything for you, but a hug and good wishes."

I mean really...how do you say such a thing politely...when it's obvious you're being manipulated!  The woman's a travel agent for guilt-trips!

[Sirius]

That's irritating.  I agree with the poster who said to bake a batch of cookies.

(I used to be Vegakitty, but I messed things up when I signed in that now I'm Sirius, the brightest star in the winter sky...which is rather ironic under the circumstances.)