Author Topic: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook  (Read 2523 times)

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kitchcat

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SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« on: December 31, 2011, 12:53:47 AM »
Cast of characters
MIL - an unbelievably generous person (possibly to a fault)
SIL - 19 YO with a history as the "problem child" (lying, stealing, massive financial irresponsibility etc.); She joined the military this year and now lives out of state (she lived with either MIL or FIL up until then.)

SIL came to visit the family for the holidays, making it the first time we've seen her in almost a year. She'd seemed to have really gotten her act together and shaped up. All that changed after a day or so.

It became clear that the real reason SIL decided to visit was that she wanted the spare car she had been allowed to use when she used to live with MIL. DH and I told MIL it was a bad idea (SIL got in a wreck with the same car a year ago. She had been pocketing the money MIL gave her for insurance and did $10K worth of damage to the other driver's BMW. MIL ended up bailing her out). MIL was charmed by SIL's "changed" ways, and agreed to give her the car after they got it inspected together. Well, it turns out the car needed a lot of work done...$3k worth of stuff. SIL said she had no money, so MIL paid for it although she could barely afford it. She even called DH and I and apologetically asked us not to cash the check she gave us for Christmas until her next paycheck cleared because she had to spend the money on the car. We said okay. So obviously she made a big sacrifice.

MIL paid the bill and told SIL that she'd consider $1k of it a loan that she'd have to be repaid since it was really out of her budget. Rather than being thankful that she was only asking for a fraction of it to be repaid, SIL blew up at MIL.  She yelled at her for not helping her out, accusing her of being a bad mother, etc. She packed her bag in a hurry, and stormed out the door, yelling that she was going to hitchhike to FIL's house an hour away. She blocked all our cell phone numbers so we couldn't call her. DH went looking for her to no avail. We were worried sick.

Well, several hours later, I was on facebook and I noticed SIL had posted some things. I was relieved she was okay until I read what she wrote. She posted that MIL had called her a [bad name for a promiscuous woman] among other things (lies) and that she had thrown her out of the house for no reason. She also said she'd hitchhiked back to FIL's because we refused to let her in and told her leave. Several people had already responded that her family was horrible, she deserved better, etc.

DH and I were so angry at her outright lies, that we commented on her posts. I said, "You forgot to mention the part where MIL paid $3k to fix the car she was going to give you for FREE so you could have your own vehicle. Yes she sounds like the worst mother ever."

The next day, we saw SIL had deleted our comment. We're livid that she'd spread such toxic lies about MIL, who is such a selfless person. We're probably going to give her the direct cut, but how do we handle these lies she's spreading? Should we message family members and family friends who are on FB and make sure they know these are lies or just stay out of it? MIL does not have FB and she's not great with English, so she isn't really able to defend herself that well.

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Sharnita

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 08:58:49 AM »
I don't know what I recommend other than answering any questions honestly.  I will say that I wouldn't assume that the comments were genuine.  My guess is that at least a few people have some idea who/how she is and were perhaps being iroinic or playing stupid so she'd post more info that incriminated ehrself.  I think anybody payong attention will realize there is something not quite right about the story she is telling if you sit back and let her do the work,

SiotehCat

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 09:21:06 AM »
Where were you when mil spoke to her about the 1k loan? Do you live with mil?

Bibliophile

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 10:03:11 AM »
While she sounds like a piece of work, I wouldn't engage in family wars on FB - it never comes to any good.

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

FoxPaws

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2011, 11:08:45 AM »
Do not post on SIL's wall. It feeds right into her drama. She wants that.

Pay attention to who's agreeing with and supporting her - are they family and family friends that know your MIL or strictly friends of hers. If it's the latter, I'd stay out of it altogether; if it's the former and you feel you must say something, your husband (his family) should do it in a PM and stick with the facts you were witness to, leaving all emotion out of it. Skip the details of the fight.

Hi Relative, SIL's brother here. I wanted you to have both sides of the story concerning the events of [date]. SIL left MIL's house of her own accord after losing her temper. MIL did not call her any names. No one asked her to leave, nor was she locked out, or told she couldn't return. In fact, I spent several hours looking for her as we were concerned about her hitchhiking at night. Neither MIL, Wife, or I has spoken to her since [time] on [day] as she has blocked all of our numbers and email addresses. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM Wife or Myself.

I'm betting most of the family is aware of SIL's problems and taking her story with a big dose of salt. I wouldn't care what her own friends think - they'll find out what she's like for themselves soon enough and in the meantime, their opinion of your MIL is unimportant.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

MrsVandy

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2011, 01:04:17 PM »
Big POD to FoxPaws. My toxic sis did very similar things on FB spreading rumors about my DH and my mom. The relatives figured the truth out quickly. We left it be and eventually people came to realize that she wasn't telling the truth.




ShadesOfGrey

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2011, 01:21:30 PM »
Several people had already responded that her family was horrible, she deserved better, etc.

Honestly - ignore these people. Anyone that posts this after only hearing one side of the story is either 1) Not close enough to know either your MIL or your SIL and know that her interpretation is probably not accurate, or 2) not likely to be persuaded anyway - they just believed a fb post from someone like SIL.  (BTW - this happens all.the.time. on this very site! And people get harangued for saying things like "have you looked at your own actions in this situation?" the point is - take anything you read on the internet with a large grain of salt!)

I wouldn't worry about "defending" your MIL on fb.  It's an honorable notion, but entirely misplaced (see first point above).  Rest assured, her reputation is not in danger - only SIL's is. 

Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Sharnita

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2011, 03:47:18 PM »
Several people had already responded that her family was horrible, she deserved better, etc.

Honestly - ignore these people. Anyone that posts this after only hearing one side of the story is either 1) Not close enough to know either your MIL or your SIL and know that her interpretation is probably not accurate, or 2) not likely to be persuaded anyway - they just believed a fb post from someone like SIL.  (BTW - this happens all.the.time. on this very site! And people get harangued for saying things like "have you looked at your own actions in this situation?" the point is - take anything you read on the internet with a large grain of salt!)

I wouldn't worry about "defending" your MIL on fb.  It's an honorable notion, but entirely misplaced (see first point above).  Rest assured, her reputation is not in danger - only SIL's is. 

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I would add possibility 3) they know her well and were making them comments tongue-in-cheek.

kitchcat

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2011, 10:57:54 PM »
Where were you when mil spoke to her about the 1k loan? Do you live with mil?

We were visiting for the holidays. We were in another room in the house while MIL and SIL were arguing about it, but we didn't fully realize what was going on until I went to go to the kitchen and SIL ran into me on her way out of the house. So we overheard what was said and MIL rehashed it all later to clarify.

The people responding to her posts were mostly SIL's friends, so I don't really have a whole lot to worry about I guess. Maybe I'm more frustrated with how obviously two-faced and manipulative SIL.
Quote from: magician5
Quote from: Kinseyanne
In the bag was two cans of kitten formula

So now ... just add water and you get kittens? What will they think of next??

sammycat

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Re: SIL spreading family drama lies on facebook
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2011, 11:04:31 PM »
Do not post on SIL's wall. It feeds right into her drama. She wants that.

Pay attention to who's agreeing with and supporting her - are they family and family friends that know your MIL or strictly friends of hers. If it's the latter, I'd stay out of it altogether; if it's the former and you feel you must say something, your husband (his family) should do it in a PM and stick with the facts you were witness to, leaving all emotion out of it. Skip the details of the fight.

Hi Relative, SIL's brother here. I wanted you to have both sides of the story concerning the events of [date]. SIL left MIL's house of her own accord after losing her temper. MIL did not call her any names. No one asked her to leave, nor was she locked out, or told she couldn't return. In fact, I spent several hours looking for her as we were concerned about her hitchhiking at night. Neither MIL, Wife, or I has spoken to her since [time] on [day] as she has blocked all of our numbers and email addresses. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM Wife or Myself.

I'm betting most of the family is aware of SIL's problems and taking her story with a big dose of salt. I wouldn't care what her own friends think - they'll find out what she's like for themselves soon enough and in the meantime, their opinion of your MIL is unimportant.

I'm in agreement with this.  Hopefully some of the facebook people saw your comment and realised that the reason for its deletion is for 'daring' to tell to the truth.