Author Topic: Appropriate Gift?  (Read 3021 times)

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NyaChan

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Appropriate Gift?
« on: December 31, 2011, 05:10:52 PM »
My sister is a doctor and her group at work did a Secret Santa exchange for the holidays.  She is obese and has been at this weight for sometime (meaning she hasn't suddenly gained or lost weight since starting this position). One of her mini gifts from her secret Santa was a magazine about cooking low-calorie/low fat foods and maintaining a lifestyle conducive to losing weight.  I was a bit taken aback when she showed me the magazine, but didn't say anything in case I inadvertently hurt her feelings (weight is a seriously touchy subject in my family).  My sister just presented it to me as reading material to keep me busy and made no comment on the subject so I don't know what she thought about it.  Does this seem like an appropriate gift to give a co-worker?

jimithing

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 05:15:43 PM »
Unless she expressed interest in low fat cooking, I would say no. That kind of gift is just rife with potential to hurt feelings.

shhh its me

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 05:17:27 PM »
POD  and/or expressed intrest in some of the specific recipes.

Sharnita

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 05:38:02 PM »
Is it something that she had expressed interest in?  Is it something she might be able to share with her patients?  A lot of doctors seem to have those kinds of magazines in their waiting rooms so it seems like it could serve multiple purposes.

Thipu1

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2011, 05:42:01 PM »
Since your sister is a doctor, she knows what she works for her and what doesn't.  She may not wish to lose weight.    People may appear obese but still be perfectly healthy. 

The giver of the gift may have meant well but, to my mind, was mistaken.  Your sister knows what she knows and will do what she thinks best. 

The only thing you can say is, 'That recipe sounds yummy.'

Bijou

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2011, 07:25:11 PM »
My sister is a doctor and her group at work did a Secret Santa exchange for the holidays.  She is obese and has been at this weight for sometime (meaning she hasn't suddenly gained or lost weight since starting this position). One of her mini gifts from her secret Santa was a magazine about cooking low-calorie/low fat foods and maintaining a lifestyle conducive to losing weight.  I was a bit taken aback when she showed me the magazine, but didn't say anything in case I inadvertently hurt her feelings (weight is a seriously touchy subject in my family).  My sister just presented it to me as reading material to keep me busy and made no comment on the subject so I don't know what she thought about it.  Does this seem like an appropriate gift to give a co-worker?
Having experienced something similar, I say, without reservation, absolutely not!
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 07:27:28 PM by Bijou »
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

qestia

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2011, 07:54:57 PM »
No, not appropriate. I still remember years ago, out of the blue, DH's gparents gave us a subscription to "cooking light." now, we are both normal weight--however we do like to eat and whenever we see DH's family they make a lot of comments about eating-- not about us, they say, just about how they are happy with just half a sandwich, things like that. So anyway I sympathize. Rude gift.

Bijou

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2011, 10:12:23 PM »
No, not appropriate. I still remember years ago, out of the blue, DH's gparents gave us a subscription to "cooking light." now, we are both normal weight--however we do like to eat and whenever we see DH's family they make a lot of comments about eating-- not about us, they say, just about how they are happy with just half a sandwich, things like that. So anyway I sympathize. Rude gift.
Someone gave me the cooking light cookbook for my birthday one year and I opened it in front of people.  I was not happy about it.   
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

CookieChica

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2012, 02:42:16 PM »
On the flip side, I have a coworker who discusses losing weight, wanting low-fat recipes, etc. all the time at work because some other coworkers are interested in it (they aren't trying to force her into anything, it's just a mutual interest). From the interactions I have observed with her friends and family outside work, I doubt this topic comes up at all in that circle. Is it possible your sister does talk about wanting to lose weight at work in an effort to "fit in"? 

Sharnita

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2012, 02:44:27 PM »
On the flip side, I have a coworker who discusses losing weight, wanting low-fat recipes, etc. all the time at work because some other coworkers are interested in it (they aren't trying to force her into anything, it's just a mutual interest). From the interactions I have observed with her friends and family outside work, I doubt this topic comes up at all in that circle. Is it possible your sister does talk about wanting to lose weight at work in an effort to "fit in"?

Or wanting to have recipes for patients?

Surianne

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2012, 02:50:15 PM »
Since she made no comment about feeling hurt, and she shared the magazine with you, it sounds like she thinks it was appropriate enough.  In that case, why look for offense?  Perhaps the coworker knew her well enough to know that she'd find it useful rather than hurtful, since it sounds like she wasn't upset about it.

 

NyaChan

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2012, 03:08:46 PM »
Since she made no comment about feeling hurt, and she shared the magazine with you, it sounds like she thinks it was appropriate enough.  In that case, why look for offense?  Perhaps the coworker knew her well enough to know that she'd find it useful rather than hurtful, since it sounds like she wasn't upset about it.

 

I'm not looking to be offended and have no idea whether my sister was.  I was surprised at that particular gift being given to a coworker given my sister's circumstances.  I knew it would have upset me and wondered if perhaps i am oversensitive.  Its hard for me to be cool headed when weight is involved due to past family problems so i was curious what "normal" people would say about it. 

It seems like most people think it would be an unwise gift if the recipient has shown no interest in healthy eating/weight loss but unexceptional if they have discussed the issue previously.

In response to other posters:  sister is very private about her weight and I would be really really surprised if she had mentioned it to anyone let alone her coworkers. Her specialty is OB/GYN and works in a hospital so Not private practice yet.

Surianne

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2012, 03:20:52 PM »
All I'm saying is, if it didn't bother your sister (and it sounds like it didn't -- especially since she's sharing it with you to read, she likely thinks it's worthwhile) then perhaps the person who gave it to her knew it wouldn't offend her.  A gift that may be offensive to some is appropriate if given to someone who the giver knows will enjoy it.  The whole "know your audience" thing. 

Clareish

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2012, 06:43:01 PM »
No, not appropriate. I still remember years ago, out of the blue, DH's gparents gave us a subscription to "cooking light." now, we are both normal weight--however we do like to eat and whenever we see DH's family they make a lot of comments about eating-- not about us, they say, just about how they are happy with just half a sandwich, things like that. So anyway I sympathize. Rude gift.
Someone gave me the cooking light cookbook for my birthday one year and I opened it in front of people.  I was not happy about it.

My bf once gave me a cooking light book for christmas one year (it was part of a bigger gift). I chose not to get upset, as it was exclusively chicken cookbook, which I had wanted, and he does not know enough about cooking to have realized that it was a weight loss cookbook. Sometimes it really is that simple, and there was no offense meant.

(btw, I use it all the time! the recipes are great even if I am not currently trying to lose weight)

amylouky

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Re: Appropriate Gift?
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2012, 02:00:03 PM »
My sister got me a low-carb cookbook one year. It didn't offend me, as I was diagnosed with diabetes that year, and she had just gone through gestational diabetes at the same time. We had talked about ways to watch carbs and shared low-carb recipes, so it was a very appropriate gift.

I think there are circumstances in which weight loss/workout gifts can be appropriate. Without knowing your sister's history with coworker and what conversations they've had in the past, it's really hard to say.

You said that she gave it to you to read.. were you offended?